To ask questions about autism.

[coodawoodashooda]

About 10 years ago i was in a meeting about autism. The leader said something like, 'if the child could......... then they didnt have autism. What was the quality that was being referred to? Was it empathy? I cant remember and for various personal reasons id really like to know.

That's a good example of the crap people come out with. I got 'we can't believe he's autistic because he has beautiful eye contact'

This is what a Consultant on the children’s wards said to me. I didn’t challenge it because I didn’t really know what to say, and it was only a few months after my DC’s diagnosis.

DD2 knows that when people smile at her, she's meant to smile back. But it isn't something that is instinctive to her, it's a learned behaviour.

People with autism tend to learn behaviours to help them engage socially, rather than developing those behaviours innately.

I think I can reassure you that whatever the trainer said was bullshit, because if it was that easy we wouldnt have a 2.5 year wait list for an autism assessment in my area.

@secular39

*You can’t turn a deaf person into a hearing person with therapy. You can’t turn a dyslexic or an aspie into a neurotypical with therapy. We are made differently but equal. You couldn’t pay me enough money to want to be NT.

Autism isn’t a mental illness or learning difficulty. It’s a developmental difference with strengths as well as weaknesses. You can’t fix it*

You can teach a deaf person to lip read, sign and speak with therapy.

You can teach a dyslexia person how to read and write with alternative means.

You can tech an autistic person how to communicate, speak and learn with therapy.

Please don't kid yourself. Autism is a disability. Please do not undermine this- there are many Autistics who are severely impacted.

@secular39 I was answering OP who said:

The part i cant fathom is that if you hadn't had a diagnosis but instead had therapy; through the therapy youd come to the conclusion that you had various strengths and weaknesses. Would that not have served the same purpose?

So I was addressing why you need a diagnosis rather than “therapy” (and I think she means psychotherapy there), and the fact the developmental differences can’t be cured.

They can’t be cured.

Disabilities are disabling because society doesn’t cater to them.

I'm an FSW working with neuro developmental diversity in children. Very often when parents worry about the merit of diagnosis, we find that it is beneficial for a child to have a term for their particular experiences. It is a useful shorthand, sometimes helpful in opening up support and legitimises some previous struggles which can be really important.

In terms of something you can/can't do as an absolute, I don't know that there is anything. Perhaps exercise choice around the behaviours/feelings of autism. You could mask probably but not choose to be without autism.

PinkyU

Thats an excellent analogy. It has given me a lot to think about.

Oh sorry @RickiTarr

Yes- your right. The Autistic brain is different to the neurotypical brain. Therapy will help their needs but you cannot cure it.

Whatever he said he was wrong.

No problem @secular39

Love this post.

@BlueSurfer

I’m not sure there is any one specific thing that nobody with ASD can do. It’s a spectrum that everyone is on somewhere.

Offensive, ableist phrase.

@BlueSurfer

I’m not sure there is any one specific thing that nobody with ASD can do. It’s a spectrum that everyone is on somewhere.

You are correct that there is not any specific thing that either makes someone autistic or not autistic.

Autism is a spectrum that every autistic person is on somewhere.

@coodawoodashooda

Love this post.

Which post?

@TeenMinusTests

I have no idea what the trainer said, but I suspect he was wrong.

THIS. 💯% There are SO many misconceptions and false information about Autism. I often hear that sentence 'they can't be autistic if they can.....' I was told this by various 'professionals' before my diagnosis. Such as I couldn't be autistic if I could work, talk (still can't believe that one!!), empathise, because I had facial expressions, because I have a partner, and a house. Absolute nonsense. Many people who are giving autism training aren't autistic, and there's so much misinformation provided unfortunately.

@Nightwing

The autistic spectrum is a spectrum of autism - if you aren’t autistic you aren’t on the spectrum.

I really love this.

Such as I couldn't be autistic if I could work, talk (still can't believe that one!!), empathise, because I had facial expressions, because I have a partner, and a house.

Bloody hell.

TBH, I think some people are very selective with their CPD. Anyone who keeps up to date wouldn’t be so idiotic.

As an adult with a neurodevelopmental disorder (though not autism) diagnosed in adulthood I can tell you a diagnosis really does help you understand yourself. It’s a huge relief to realise there’s people out there who’s brains work like your’s and you’re not broken you’re just thinking and processing things differently. It also allows you to seek out support specific as possible to your needs and connect with others.

I also work with children with autism including those currently undergoing diagnosis. There are certainly patterns to behaviours and relative strengths/ difficulties but every child is different. There’s no one thing they can’t do though they will all have some level of social communication difficulties and some level of restricted and repetitive interests otherwise they wouldn’t tick enough boxes for diagnosis.

@WetWeekends

*That's a good example of the crap people come out with. I got 'we can't believe he's autistic because he has beautiful eye contact'*

This is what a Consultant on the children’s wards said to me. I didn’t challenge it because I didn’t really know what to say, and it was only a few months after my DC’s diagnosis.

When the professionals come out with it, no wonder getting a diagnosis is so ruddy hard with lots of jumping through hoops. Boggles my head

@LonstantonSpiceMuseum

Great and interesting post. I still feel like i don't understand what autism actually is - I thought it was a lack of interpersonal or social skills but then have read about high functioning autism where they still have this. What is it then? Sorry if this is a stupid question, whether I read articles on it, I get more confused! Thank you

The reason it's called 'The autistic spectrum' is that people have strengths and weaknesses within the condition that affects their functioning. One person may have severe difficulties with interacting with other people on a reciprocal level, but be very relaxed and unfazed by being in a group. Another person may have learnt quite good reciprocal communication skills, but be absolutely floored by being in groups, so their interactive abilities completely leave them.

So called 'high-functioning' autism is generally a code for 'doesn't cause other people too much of a problem'. People who are 'high-functioning' will have learned to have reciprocal conversation. They will have learned that it's polite to ask someone how they are, if they've asked you. It's polite to smile and nod when someone is telling you something completely uninteresting. It's rude to walk away if you're bored. It's rude to tell them that they smell really bad. But often people who are 'high-functioning' still experience a lot of distress because of the expectations of society. They have just learned to hide it.

@RickiTarr

Such as I couldn't be autistic if I could work, talk (still can't believe that one!!), empathise, because I had facial expressions, because I have a partner, and a house.

Bloody hell.

TBH, I think some people are very selective with their CPD. Anyone who keeps up to date wouldn’t be so idiotic.

It was absolutely unbelievable. Some of these comments were from my GP. She was like 'but you have good eye contact and you managed to make an appointment to see me, so you just can't be autistic'. 🙄

The lack of empathy stereotype makes me sad though. I have know so many wonderful, affectionate, funny, engaging little ones with autism. Just because theory of mind (understanding what others might be thinking) is difficult for them it doesn’t mean they can’t empathise with others.

I agree what was said to you @coodawoodashooda was probably incorrect. You definitely don’t need a diagnosis, in my experience more subtle presentations of autism (those who can “pass” as nt) get a lot of comfort from having a “group” and shared experience. I’m not convicted need it’s particularly helpful for the vast majority who can’t “mask” with any degree of success. The single best thing s add bout diagnosis is no longer discussing is he/isn’t he at every meeting with all professionals. It was tedious and wasted much time.

So called 'high-functioning' autism is generally a code for 'doesn't cause other people too much of a problem'.

Ssshh! 🤫

You’ll ruin our reputation. 😁

@Orf1abc

I have autism and am quite capable of empathy, if anything I feel it more than most do.

There are lots of stereotypes around autism, I can't think of one that is universally true. We're all different!

100% agree as a parent of a child with ASD. It’s upsetting to have people bandy these misconceptions around. My child is incredibly loving to us and kind if anyone in the family is ill or hurt, he might not notice if someone at school was upset but that isn’t the same thing as not having empathy.

It is perfectly possible to be a high functioning autistic who is non verbal and unable to care for yourself in any way. The “function” refers to it not how like a nt person you are.