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Original poster

Should I mention this to DP or leave it and not embarrass SS?

124 replies

okkake · 09/07/2021 18:07

Yesterday, we were isolating and waiting for test results. DSS (15) was here. I let him use my laptop as he'd left his at his mums and obviously couldn't go and get it. DD and DSS were arguing as DD needed to use it but DSS said he still needed it so in the end DP gave DD his iPad to stop the arguing.

DSS put the laptop in the kitchen once he'd finished with it (which was this morning I think but I didn't actually see him put it there so not 100% sure) DP is now working (the test was negative) and I've just been on my laptop and DSS didn't delete the history, there's a lot of searches for porn from yesterday and last night.

DSS is still here, but I don't want to speak to him as it'll be extremely embarrassing for both of us!

Should I speak to DP? Or leave it so DSS isn't embarrassed?

OP posts:
Letthelightoflove · 09/07/2021 18:10

No tech savvy person (as all 15 years are) searches for porn and forgets to delete the browser history. Do you think this might have been done on purpose?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 09/07/2021 18:11

Speak to Dh, he needs to have the conversation with his son

HmmmmmmInteresting · 09/07/2021 18:12

Yeah, this doesn't add up

RedMarauder · 09/07/2021 18:13

Speak to your DH.

With the trials/convictions for 3 murders in the media this week it is really important that your DH has a proper talk with him do he doesn't see women as a piece of meat.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 09/07/2021 18:14

What were the specific searches?

claralara42 · 09/07/2021 18:15

@Letthelightoflove

No tech savvy person (as all 15 years are) searches for porn and forgets to delete the browser history. Do you think this might have been done on purpose?
I think you might be surprised how un tech savvy teens are, a lot of them. The ones I know mainly use their phone for everything, and a tablet and an Xbox for anything else. They really know fuck all about computers and can barely switch on a laptop.
2bazookas · 09/07/2021 18:23

Extreme embarrassment by DSS is what he deserves; go for it. Preferably in front of the entire family.

"DSS,   don't ever ask to borrow my laptop again.= because   I see you were using it to access  porn  . This is my work laptop, you idiot' and my daughter uses it.   How dare you abuse  our trust like that."
Ytrigging · 09/07/2021 18:27

I think you should tell him you won’t be lending him your laptop again and why. He should be embarrassed about using his stepmum’s laptop for porn.

ThePlantsitter · 09/07/2021 18:28

I think the search terms are relevant here too (though I'm not asking you to say what they were). Looking at porn is common I'm sure but needs discussion, using his stepmother's laptop to do it and not deleting his history looks like massive disrespect to me.

Original poster
okkake · 09/07/2021 18:38

I'm not sure why he didn't delete the history but I don't think it'd be on purpose. But he mightve forgotten as presumably he doesn't delete the history on his own laptop.

Alot of videos were watched (not sure what they are as I haven't clicked on them!) but some of the searches were lesbians doing sexual acts etc.

He asked to borrow the laptop to do school work so I didn't expect this!

OP posts:
Schrutesbeets · 09/07/2021 18:40

You'd put your own comfort / embarrassment over the vital conversation that needs to be had?! Come on, OP!!!

Theunamedcat · 09/07/2021 18:43

Private conversation with your husband expressing the seriousness of this tell him you expect it dealt with strongly

RosieGuacamosie · 09/07/2021 18:45

@2bazookas

Extreme embarrassment by DSS is what he deserves; go for it. Preferably in front of the entire family. 
"DSS,   don't ever ask to borrow my laptop again.= because   I see you were using it to access  porn  . This is my work laptop, you idiot' and my daughter uses it.   How dare you abuse  our trust like that."</div></div>

That is beyond cruel. Please don’t do that. My parents used the embarrassment tactic (not over porn) and it damaged me for life.

Summerleaves · 09/07/2021 18:45

Your partner needs to have a conversation with him about how porn is not real life and that women are not consumables.

FindingMeno · 09/07/2021 18:45

Tell your dp in private.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 09/07/2021 18:47

I don't think public humiliation is proportionate to the 'crime'. He probably hasnt thought through the implications of watching stuff on a work / family laptop, which is naive and thoughtless rather than malicious

AddsVsGeorgs · 09/07/2021 18:49

Wow!
Do not do what @ 2bazookas said
Awful awful awful

Tel your partner in PRIVATE and he can talk to his son
Not your place at all

Tal45 · 09/07/2021 18:50

Tell DP in private and get him to handle it sensitively talking about all the issues with porn. Humiliating someone is never the right thing to do, there is always a better option.

3scape · 09/07/2021 18:51

Why isn't it blocked on your hub?

wedswench · 09/07/2021 18:52

No dont shame him.

I am suspicious that he may have done this as some kind of power move to be honest.

Either way this is one for your DP

Coyoacan · 09/07/2021 18:53

Your partner needs to have a conversation with him about how porn is not real life and that women are not consumables

This

And for the sake of your dss, because porn causes issues of impotency

spotcheck · 09/07/2021 18:55

@Letthelightoflove

No tech savvy person (as all 15 years are) searches for porn and forgets to delete the browser history. Do you think this might have been done on purpose?
Not all teens are tech savvy
3scape · 09/07/2021 18:55

And please stop perpetuating the embarrassment / humiliation bullshit. There's no need to act as though such behaviour deserves a blind eye. Porn funds violence and crime to women and children. He should be disciplined and taught that is totally unacceptable.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 09/07/2021 18:56

My teen has some interesting search histories when meant to be doing homework! He has been told not to use the shared family laptop in case he leaves stuff open by mistake as smaller siblings use it too. He has a phone he can use for such things.

Teenagers wank. Teenagers want to see "rude" pictures etc. Sexual material is easily available online. When I was a teenager the boys had dirty mags hidden in their bedrooms, this is the modern equivalent. It isn't shameful and they shouldn't be in trouble for it. Yes have safe search etc on and yes discuss issues around consent, discuss the problems around Internet porn and exploitation of women and importantly around the trouble they could get into if searching for teens etc should they end up with images of children. And of course let them know that porn and real sex are worlds apart. But don't get teens in trouble for having teenage sexual urges.

toocold54 · 09/07/2021 18:58

Extreme embarrassment by DSS is what he deserves; go for it. Preferably in front of the entire family.

"DSS, don't ever ask to borrow my laptop again.= because I see you were using it to access porn . This is my work laptop, you idiot' and my daughter uses it. How dare you abuse our trust like that

Talk about extreme!
All teens will watch porn sooner or later so I don’t think there’s much point you telling your DH as he’s probably well aware. But I don’t see there’s any problem in telling DH she making sure he’s had the talk about safe sex and respect etc.

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