Should I mention this to DP or leave it and not embarrass SS?

[okkake]

Yesterday, we were isolating and waiting for test results. DSS (15) was here. I let him use my laptop as he'd left his at his mums and obviously couldn't go and get it. DD and DSS were arguing as DD needed to use it but DSS said he still needed it so in the end DP gave DD his iPad to stop the arguing.

DSS put the laptop in the kitchen once he'd finished with it (which was this morning I think but I didn't actually see him put it there so not 100% sure) DP is now working (the test was negative) and I've just been on my laptop and DSS didn't delete the history, there's a lot of searches for porn from yesterday and last night.

DSS is still here, but I don't want to speak to him as it'll be extremely embarrassing for both of us!

Should I speak to DP? Or leave it so DSS isn't embarrassed?

15 year-old-boy stuck indoors (due to self-isolating) idly looks for porn and forgets to cover his tracks.

I'm not sure why so many people are surprised by that.

I think quite a lot of older men have probably done the same. Maybe even women.

I'd mention to DP purely because the boy is clearly at that age now and if he hasn't had certain conversations, he needs to have them as the parent. However, I wouldn't mention because some kind of punishment was needed...

No, people trying to look cool for reasons that are not easy to fathom.

A 15 year old would only look at some mild porn - enough to get his rocks off - I think you're the naive one. Any curious person would look to see some of the less savoury stuff - just to see if it's there! I'm old and know I don't want to see it but at 15 - I'm pretty sure I would have peaked at most stuff.

Essentially what we see here is a number of women trying to justify
(1) using someone else's laptop to watch porn, regardless of the consequences for that individual if it's a work laptop,
(2) using the misery of women for his own gratification; at age 15, ignorance of sex trafficking and the fact that women and girls are exploited is no excuse,
(3) contributing to the enrichment of a criminal enterprise - again, ignorance is no excuse. If he's old enough to find porn on a laptop he's old enough to be aware of the issues surrounding it.

I'd be bleaching that keyboard for sure 🤢. I do think some people here are too cool about it.

Am I the only one who thinks the issue is using someone else’s device to access porn rather than the accessing of porn itself?

If there was not the problem with teen boys harrassing girls at school, horribly high rape stats, serious issues with depression in school children, no live streaming of pedophilia on the internet, no problems with kids being blackmailed because of nude pics etc, then this super laid back 'everyone does it' attitude would be fine but being where we are in the present day I would say a conversation is needed. in fact a conversation was needed several years ago. The DF should step up.

15 yo stuck indoors watched some lesbian porn. Why all the drama? Porn doesn't necessarily mean violence. If his parents haven't had a conversation about porn with him already then it is pretty useless at 15.
He needs to be told it is grossly unacceptable to use not his private devices for such things

As a secondary point, are you sure it wasn’t your DD?

@daisyjgrey

Half of you are literally batshit mad. Humiliating a teenage boy? Batshit. Putting anal sex in a sentence which gives it the same equivalency as rape? Batshit.

I am utterly baffled about which porn sites you all have been using, as in all my years of porn usage, (not an excessive amount, but enough to know enough), I have NEVER, EVER, accidentally stumbled upon someone having sex with a horse or the like. You are going to have to do some pretty specific searches and have access to some specific sites to be able to view something like that, not be a 15 year old boy trying to get his rocks off to two women having sex.

For the love of god try and have a rational conversation and stop turning into that woman from the Simpsons who just shrieks "WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN" all the time. Christ.

I agree, It's actually disgusting to see so many people would happily embarrass their child or step children over natural urges. A conversation is needed with his father so he can discuss the situation, but why the need to embarrass a child? Just to make yourself feel powerful? Because it's not going to be more effective than a normal conversation.

I agree with Oakleystreetisnotinchelsea's post above, and I'm sure it was just an honest mistake, reckon they'll be mortified when they find out

This is more than embarrassing

A 15 yo boy watching porn is unacceptable: it’s sexist and suggests he doesn’t see women as human.

To do it on a laptop he has borrowed and demanded over and above yours and his sister’s needs is even worse.

And then to do it on a work-supplied laptop!

Can you tell him in no uncertain terms that this would be a sackable offence.

@ShortBacknSides

This is more than embarrassing

A 15 yo boy watching porn is unacceptable: it’s sexist and suggests he doesn’t see women as human.

To do it on a laptop he has borrowed and demanded over and above yours and his sister’s needs is even worse.

And then to do it on a work-supplied laptop!

Can you tell him in no uncertain terms that this would be a sackable offence.

No it doesn't. Plenty of women also watch porn, they don't think of women as not human. And a 15 year old probably doesn't realise the implications of a work laptop.

I'd definitely say something if it were my work laptop!

As a secondary point, are you sure it wasn’t your DD?

Good point!
Most males I know look at M-F porn more and most females look at F-F porn more. Which of course is still normal and healthy.

Some of the replies on here are very naive. It’s not about trying to be a ‘cool’ parent it’s understanding that teens will look at porn. What is the point in pretending they don’t or punishing them for having a healthy interest in it.

It is important to accept the fact that they watch porn so you can have the conversations about consent and how it’s not real sex etc.
If you simply bury your head in the sand thinking your teen would never do that or even worse humiliate/punish them for it then how are you going to have those type of conversations.

@ShortBacknSides

This is more than embarrassing

A 15 yo boy watching porn is unacceptable: it’s sexist and suggests he doesn’t see women as human.

To do it on a laptop he has borrowed and demanded over and above yours and his sister’s needs is even worse.

And then to do it on a work-supplied laptop!

Can you tell him in no uncertain terms that this would be a sackable offence.

It's unacceptable?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Oh I really hope you don't have any sons. Or daughters actually! Teenagers watch porn. Always have, always will.

What would irritate me about this is his claim that he "needed" the laptop to the extent that he wouldn't let your DD have it when she genuinely needed it. If he wants to use it again, say no and tell him that it's because he lied about why he wanted it.

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle

Am I the only one who thinks the issue is using someone else’s device to access porn rather than the accessing of porn itself?

No, I agree.

@pallisers

My point was to those saying ‘oh teens have always looked at porn’ as though there’s no difference between the types available back then and today, and we’re not seeing a huge increase in sex related crime amongst young people partly as a result.

Not a hark back to ‘the golden days of porn’ as you put it!

*Only 15 and already thinking women are meat for his entertainment and titillation??

I'd be making a huge deal of this.*

No, 15, hormones raging, wanting to know about sex. Young men and young women have been interested in sex since time immemorial. I. The past it might have been dads hidden mags, or illicitly watching something like the Emmanuelle movies. Now it's the internet. The fact that porn now is more degrading and hardcore is the fault of the men making it, not the 15 year old boy who is showing an interest in a normal human activity.

It is the responsibility of the adults in young men's lives to talk to them about respecting women.

And yes, my 18 year old has watched porn.

@SecretSpAD

*Only 15 and already thinking women are meat for his entertainment and titillation??

I'd be making a huge deal of this.*

No, 15, hormones raging, wanting to know about sex. Young men and young women have been interested in sex since time immemorial. I. The past it might have been dads hidden mags, or illicitly watching something like the Emmanuelle movies. Now it's the internet. The fact that porn now is more degrading and hardcore is the fault of the men making it, not the 15 year old boy who is showing an interest in a normal human activity.

It is the responsibility of the adults in young men's lives to talk to them about respecting women.

And yes, my 18 year old has watched porn.

The fact that porn now is more degrading and hardcore is the fault of the men making it, not the 15 year old boy who is showing an interest in a normal human activity.

Thank you for having some common sense.

There is a lot of female produced porn which has none of the ethical concerns that Pornhub/RedTube carries.

Educate your kids, tell them that sex is normal and being interested is completely ok and that a healthy sexual relationship is to be celebrated. Teach them to do so in as safe an environment as you can.

All the posters horrified that a teenage boy watched porn have reached this point because their own sexual education has taught them that there is something wrong with it.

Some of these responses, they hysteria! Teenage boy watches porn, wow. That’s a first, punish him hard. Seriously? 😂

Teenagers watch porn, trying to make out he’s committed some horrific crime and deserves serious punishment is ludicrous. Yes he should be reminded to clear his search history by his father, end of convo.

He doesn't need public embarrassment to stop using porn. He needs public embarrassment to learn respect for other people's devices they might borrow.

Publicly humiliating a teenager for watching porn. And I can’t believe anyone is even suggesting it, will not put them off porn. It will just make them think thr person who humiliates them is a complete and utter arsehole. And quite frankly they’d be right.