AIBU to think MIL is racist

[WhoopsieFairy]

For background. My SIL is of one race (doesn't matter which, just not white), I am mixed race with one parent of same race as SIL.

SIL has a child who is energetic and runs around a lot, doesn't sit still.

MIL commented to me that the child has Adhd (never diagnosed, MIL is not qualified to make diagnoses), the reason being that the genes of SIL (not her daughter, but her son's wife) mixed with British genes have soiled the gene pool, hence crazy energetic kid.

Cue me being seriously offended as (a) it's racist and (b) I'm of same race (albeit mixed) and have recently given birth to a child.

MIL feels attacked as I kicked up a fuss with her and DH. DH thinks I'm overreacting and his mum is not racist.

AIBU - yea you're overreacting, MIL is of a different generation and doesn't understand these things (dh's words)

AINBU - what the fuck is wrong with MIL?

Aaahhh.

That's hugely offensive and wrong. Glad you put them right.

That is 100% racist and your husband is woefully ignorant

Completely racist and just wrong. If anything, different races diversify the gene pool - which is good thing.

Any reference to "soiling the gene pool" is obviously highly offensive, inappropriate and racist. As if you're not going to be offended by that!

And "MIL is of a different generation and doesn't understand" does not mean she can't be racist. Being ignorant isn't an excuse for being racist.

What's your DH playing at sticking up for a comment like that? I assume he's choosing to try keep the peace over doing the right thing.

I'd struggle to find a way to interpret such musings as being anything but racist, or that a person that gave voice to them in all seriousness was anything but racist. Would your DH think that these views were racist if they were expounded to him by the Man Down the Pub? Given that this is his wife and child and sil and nephew, we're talking about here?!

My 84 year old mother would be mortally offended if anyone had the temerity to say such things to her, expected her to respect such tripe, and would never, ever, ever, in a million years, say such things. See, no matter what can be hurled at Mum's head (and there's plenty, lol), there's one thing she ain't. And that's racist. And God Help anyone that said anything like that about one of her grandchildren. Or children in law for that matter.

Very racist! I hate age being used as an excuse. My white grandad wasn’t racist back in the 60’s when he married my black gran.

How could this not be racist?

Add just because someone is older, doesn't mean they aren't racist when they say racist things.

She is a racist and you should call it out everytime. I would also point out that the soiled genes are hers

Mixed with British genes have spoiled the gene pool???? Fucking hell. I'd tell her the only concern would be that her stupidity is rooted in genes and could have spoiled the children. It's definitely racist.

I would have suggested that the manky Brit genes couldn’t have done any ‘damage’...

Thank you to everyone who replied. I did explain in depth at the time to both DH and his mum how this comment made me feel and how I was worried about the impact of such thought on my child (and nephew of course). My DH at the time understood and explained it to his mother. She half heartedly apologised but it was clear she was offended by me calling her out and told me not to dare drag her other grandchild into the conversation (it was her who mentioned them in the first place!).

The reason I'm posting this now is because I saw her again recently and the feelings were brought up again and I was upset again and DH feels I'm overreacting and can't let go.

Fuming.

I know 90 year olds who don't talk like that. So what generation is your MIL exactly?

Also make sure you make your children aware that racism is unacceptable regardless who is from and they are within their rights to make a fuss.

YANBU I’d also be annoyed with your DH who would rather sweep it under the carpet. I’m guessing this isn’t the first time he’s backed down to her for an easy life.

A belief that one of her grandchildrens parents has genes of an origin that isn't white, has watered down the gene pool, resulting in "ADHD", seems like a generalisation that those non white genes have caused hyperactivity.

I'm a bit of a confrontational person, so I'd probably sit down, and sarcastically apologise to MIL and DH. "You see, I have some of those genes that you see making your DGC
hyperactive, obviously it's an overexcitement, maybe even aggression that people of my heritage seem to struggle to contain. Sorry both SIL and I have watered down your perfectly mannered, mild personalitied gene pool. So glad that you have been honest in your viewpoint that you see our heritage as problematic"

Wow- did she really say "soiling the gene pool?" In which case incredibly racist, and more worrying she does not appear to have any idea that this might be offensive. In effect it comes close to saying that anyone of mixed race is genetically deficient. I am Asian, husband white. Anyone saying this in my presence is likely to get very short shrift indeed, as you also would from my kids.

Massively fucking racist, MIL must know that surely?

Tbh your husband is a bigger concern though as he is denying that his mother has said something racist and you are “overreacting”. That does not bode well for your future with him.

My DH makes the "different generation" excuse for regular racism exhibited by older family members. They don't mean any harm by it apparently. It absolutely infuriates me. My parents were older and managed not to repeatedly offend people. It's not normal, or acceptable whatever someone's age is. Well done for taking a stand - you are absolutely correct and not in the slightest unreasonable.

This generation - I’m guessing 60s? My older siblings are in their 60s now and they have managed not to be ignorant racists.

Maybe get her a book on the Habsburgs?

Not just racist but stupid enough to spout eugenics shite.

I am in my sixties, I'm not racist. Neither is my 88 year old mother.
You have a problem with your DH and you need to tell him he should be supporting you.

I’m a different race to DH our DC are mixed race. Anyone ever referring to ‘soiled gene pool’ would never see me or my child again.

It’s racist. Not maybe could be, reading too much into it, poor doddering old buddy is confused.

It is racist.

Horrible. Some people just don't get it

I am struggling to think how that could be more racist. She is implying the child's behaviour is linked to their ethnicity whilst implying whites should only mate with whites. About her own grandchild. Yanbu.

Racist and stupid.

What the fuck is a "British gene pool" anyway? The British have had waves of new people in for millennia: Romans, Angles, Saxons, Vikings, Normans (who are half Viking and half French) - and that doesn't count the waves of immigrants, from the medieval Jews (pre-expulsion) to the Tudor Dutch to the Victorian Irish, as well as the tens if not hundreds of thousands of Black people living in England before 1800 (long before 20th century migration, which is what I'm assuming she's being racist about).

The British gene pool is a story of mixing and has been since at least 100 AD. Get her some history books and tell her to learn something.