To wonder why many people don't want to know their baby's gender during pregnancy

[pearlsandpetals]

Hi all, this is definitely not a hateful post just a curious one that's all!
I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and going to find out the gender soon. For me, knowing the gender means we can not only prepare better for the baby's arrival but also I think will make me have a closer bond with my baby before they are here, by being able to refer to them as my son or daughter and trying to picture what they will be like. I just wanted to know what reasons people have for not finding out the gender as I'm really interested!

@Rhystior agreed and they should sort that out and have therapy before they possibly inflict those emotions on an innocent child.

@NakedAttraction

How are boy newborn babies different to girls?

A newborn baby girl has never pissed directly in my face

Ha ha yes this is true! Whereas DD would stealth-piss all up her own back which I didn’t notice until redressing her

We decided not to find out because I wanted to try to bring my child up without too many stereotypes and as little gender bias as we can. We decorated the room with a safari animal theme and had plenty of neutral clothes etc. Now she's 2 and a half and loves dressing up in pink and sparkles but also loves her tool kit, playing football and playing with toy cars. I bonded with my baby because she is my baby, I didn't give two hoots what body parts she has and I want her to be an individual and love whatever and whoever she wants to love without being pushed down any particular path.

But we did get the additional, ‘ohhhh is it a boy or a girl then?’

• When calling folk to announce I had the baby.

@PinkiOcelot

Personally I can’t understand the desperation to find out. I didn’t bond with my babies any less than I would have had I known their sex. I knew I was having a baby, so bonded regardless.

When people find out the sex, they often have a name already. So they have their baby and it’s all a bit meh! IMO anyway.

See you describing it as "meh" when you have a baby if there's no surprise there does suggest that rather than just not being bothered, you see an actual appeal in finding out at the time.

What I don't get is if you don't care what the sex is, but you also aren't actively excited about the "surprise", then why not find out as soon as the information is available? It seems the most logical option to me.

@LittleBlackCat22

I couldn’t bond with mine till I knew what they were and what they were going to be called. The one I’m pregnant with now, I needed to know as after 10 years of parenting girls I needed to prepare myself if it was a boy.

But how does “parenting boys” differ from parenting girls - apart from the pissing issue mentioned above! - surely you parent your children the same way. Boys are not a different species!

Everybody knew I was having a boy and what he’d be called and I remember talking to a friend after she’d received the text from my husband announcing his birth. Not my son’s actual name but he’d texted everyone “Will has been born”. She loved how he worded that. He was already Will to everyone, and now he’d arrived

I didn’t find out because I just wasn’t bothered about the sex of either baby I had and I’m not interested in shopping or decorating in a gender specific way. Never considered it an issue affecting bonding. Im a bit half arsed tbh and not a massive planner of things

Yes @Jellyred, but how much did that prolong or heighten the excitement?

YANBU to wonder if you feel as you, but I didn't want to know either of mine's. I kind of liked the surprise and I didn't want to start attaching to many ideas to a baby before I met him or her. There wasn't a 'readiness' issue because we were also keen to have to adhere to gender stereotypes for clothing, room, toys etc and just bought neutral stuff.

Thought it would be a great surprise after giving birth

I find out purely for room purposes and planning for it. I don't think sex says anything about what a child will be like. They'll be a sex + any personality, but I do like being able to say he or she, rather than it or the baby.

@Toottooot

I really can’t understand why some people are desperate to know the sex of their unborn child. Works both ways. ‘Reveals’ are also cringey as fuck in my opinion.

I understand completely why people want to find out the sex, but I agree with you wholeheartedly regarding the "gender reveals". They are fucking tragic - so, so embarrassing.

I don't get why people say its a surprise, it's 50/50 and people who find out are only knowing the 'surprise' 20 weeks earlier also I'm glad I didn't wait to find out 'so it helped me push' because not everyone gets to have a safe vaginal birth.

Err ... we wanted for it to be a surprise. There is nothing wrong with that 🙄

I never understand when people say they want a surprise... it's always a surprise no matter when you find out!?

And probably they have @Rhystior, but dealing with issues can be a lifelong commitment, to maintain the level of health that therapy brings you to. Part of that maintenance is to use your toolkit and prepare for the baby you’re carrying.

Wearywithteens

Most people don’t want to know the sex because they’re ‘struggling’ - where did you get that from?

I didn't get that from anywhere, I didn't say that at all, my post was in reply to a specific sentence

Tagged myself! Meant that for @cinammonbuns

In my opinion it's a surprise whenever you found out. I had 2 traumatic/dramatic births and they could have handed me a baby dinosaur and I wouldn't have known. So, I wouldn't have had that 'Ooooh, a boy/girl, how lovely' moment anyway. We found out with the second in order to be able to tell the eldest 'you're going to have a baby brother'. Was lovely to find out in a lovely calm scan room with DH and DC1 there and then go out for tea and cake after instead of trying to get a newborn to latch (which didn't happen anyway as I wasn't allowed to move for 24hours hah).

I cannot believe the amount of people who claim having a baby is "meh" or they wouldn't be motivated to push if they already knew the sex?! What??

Finding out at birth is great if that is your choice but why do people always feel the need to shit over other people's opinions to validate their own?

What sort of normal person do they think would get 20 mins into pushing and then be like "eh I already know its a boy and I'm tired so I'm just going to stop pushing because what is the point?"

@Rhystior

Yes *@Jellyred*, but how much did that prolong or heighten the excitement?

What do you mean? Do you want me to quantify it in seconds, hours or months?

I’m still shocked we had a baby and now DC is now a toddler.

All I’m saying is when we announced our ? baby there was also an additional element of ‘and it’s a boy/girl’. For my cousin (few weeks apart) we already knew baby sex and name, we were excited to know baby was here safely and weight but we’d already had the gender reveal.

For us we were just amazed to have a baby but after months of guessing there was also an element of ‘we have a son/daughter’.

If lucky with my next transfer, we won’t have that as we already know.

I didn’t want to know because it felt like peeking at Christmas presents.

There’s also a clear class divide in who does and doesn’t.

But how does “parenting boys” differ from parenting girls - apart from the pissing issue mentioned above! - surely you parent your children the same way. Boys are not a different species!

yeah yeah yeah.. you only have to compare a "boy" party to a "girl" party. I cant' be bothered to go into a debate which will convince no one, but from preschool it's pretty obvious that boys and girls are not interchangeable.

Blaming social constraints is the lazy explanation.

I didn't find out the sex for either of my 2 DS.

The way that I see it, in life, there are generally very few genuine surprises - the sex of your baby is one of them, which is why I was more than happy to wait to find out.

I have had quite a few friends who have found out the sex of their babies. They were the 'planners' of the group, didn't like surprises and felt calmer in their pregnancies knowing which sex they were going to have.

In my NCT group of 8 mums - half of the group knew what they were having, half of us didn't - it was so funny as in the end we all had boys!