AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

my car will be on my drive and if they want to park elsewhere fine

I'm confused - why would it matter to them if your car's on the drive??

Even if they're thinking you'll have had the dog in it, presumably you close the doors, and anyway the same would apply to any other vehicle they walked past

@SecretSpAD

*Rehome the dog. The child's life is far far more important than your desire to have a dog. I'm appalled you went ahead*

There are some comedians on this thread tonight. This is hilarious 🤣

No - they are all the op bat shit neighbours.

@AbsStar

"AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child?"

Of COURSE a damn dog doesn't have the same rights as a human child. Rehome it. Or move. Have some consideration. Dog nuttery is a mental disease. Really can't believe you went ahead.

The dog has EVERY DAMN right to be in his own garden! What a ridiculous and entitled attitude. The onus is on the parents if that child is truly this allergic, which does not even ring true. It would not be safe to attend any public enclosed space, such as a school.

Please just have a word with yourself - how on earth can dog saliva or dander have any effect on a child in a totally separate garden, divided by a tall fence and hedge?! Do you realise just how insane that sounds!

@AbsStar

"AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child?"

Of COURSE a damn dog doesn't have the same rights as a human child. Rehome it. Or move. Have some consideration. Dog nuttery is a mental disease. Really can't believe you went ahead.

Actually the dog has MORE right to be in OP’s garden than the neighbours have to dictate what OP does with her garden. And I am not a dog lover but I can easily see how a person could legitimately care more about their own family pet than a random child.

They need to move to a very rural isolated area

@AbsStar

"AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child?"

Of COURSE a damn dog doesn't have the same rights as a human child. Rehome it. Or move. Have some consideration. Dog nuttery is a mental disease. Really can't believe you went ahead.

Pretty sure this is a joke!

I think people have missed the post where the op realised the child had been out of school since Christmas after they spent Christmas in hospital because the teacher had seen a dog.

This child is severely disabled and house and garden-bound. Soon to be just house-bound.

@BoxHedge

I think people have missed the post where the op realised the child had been out of school since Christmas after they spent Christmas in hospital because the teacher had seen a dog.

This child is severely disabled and house and garden-bound. Soon to be just house-bound.

The they move elsewhere, or swap houses in the cul de sac, so they are in between non dog owning family.

@BoxHedge

I think people have missed the post where the op realised the child had been out of school since Christmas after they spent Christmas in hospital because the teacher had seen a dog.

This child is severely disabled and house and garden-bound. Soon to be just house-bound.

It's still not on the OP to have her and her husbands life controlled.

But surely if the situation had gotten that bad for the kid that they needed to take her out of school then they would seriously be considering moving houses to somewhere safer then ? Again I have every freedom to use my house how I wish and they have every freedom to move houses. How would you like it if your neighbour made a list of how you are to use your home. It’s easier for them to change their situation then to try and change the world

If the neighbours are so very jumpy about having a dog next door, they are the ones who need to move. You can’t live with close neighbours nearby without the possibility that someone with a dog might move in next door or into the same area. To mitigate against that they need to buy an isolated detached house somewhere..

No one asks about what allergies their future neighbours have when buying a house.
I’m allergic to dogs (mildly though) and scared of them as well. When we were house hunting I always declined houses with shared drive where it was impossible to put the fence. I do sympathize little girl’s parents, it must be awful to be worried about your child all the time. However they can’t expect you not to have a dog. Sensible arrangements with good fence so your dog can’t escape and maybe fence around your drive are all I would expect. By the way I would expect that THEY might sacrifice some of their territory to divide a drive or to put a fence.

We have always been so sympathetic to them and as such comprised way more then they have because we felt so bad. If I was then I would be the one who would park at the end of the road and a build a site entrance for the daughter. I would also not let my kid be in the garden every single hour so that my neighbour can let her dog out

What breed of dog do you have?

Jesus it's just a dog.

So you are 'right'. They don't get to tell you not to let your dog out. So you get to do whatever the hell you want.

But in reality here are the choices: This family moves out into nowhere (assuming they can financially do so). Taking their severely isolated disabled child away from the only people she is safely and regularly socialising with. And away from a house that they too appear to have made their forever home and invested significant money to give her a decent quality of life (i.e. the garden).
OR you could rehome your dog.

Like I said you are entire unreasonable. And I would be sad if I moved somewhere and found such a compelling reason not to have the pet I so very much wanted. But I personally could not let that outweigh effectively forcing a child who clearly has already had enough of the short straw in life to move.

Maybe being the 'reasonable' one isn't everything.

Jesus this thread is fucking insane. OP you are not unreasonable or selfish and your neighbours are absolutely nuts. It sounds to me like their rules are more about control than protecting their child.

Sorry I meant you are entirely REASONABLE not unreasonable

YANBU OP. Neighbour needs to move to protect their child instead of dictating to others how the rest of the world should live to protect their child.

OP- look up airborne transmission of allergens. You will find that it’s v v unlikely that dog allergens can be transmitted in open air over a distance. They are batshit

@BoxHedge

I think people have missed the post where the op realised the child had been out of school since Christmas after they spent Christmas in hospital because the teacher had seen a dog.

This child is severely disabled and house and garden-bound. Soon to be just house-bound.

Sad but not the OP's problem.

They need to move if a fence and bushes aren't enough distance, they're ridiculous for the list of rules they want you to follow, they don't get to control what goes on in your house and garden.

The neighbours should put the play equipment at the back of one of the Grandparent's houses. (If they don't want to swap houses with one of them).

It’s a shit situation for you op and terribly unlucky. But there is no good outcome for you staying in that house with your dog.

If you stay and don’t abide by ‘the rules’ you will force the disabled child to move house, or to continue to live in fear - and therefore, the other neighbours (grandparents and uncles!) will all resent you even more. Plus there could possibly be a plot to kill the dog.

Is that really better than all the alternatives (moving, staying within the rules, re-homing)?

If I were you, I would contact the local hospital and try to speak to a specialist nurse or Consultant, to see what level of risk your dog actually poses outdoors without any direct contact, what is it that poses the most risk, the dander, saliva or hair ? If the dog posed a massive risk outdoors I would honestly consider moving, if it didn't I would consider regular grooming and bathing to reduce the risk further, although mine needed a bath at least 3 times a week due to rolling in stinky fox poo, maybe your's is a more pleasant hound

Seriously you think the local hospital or any consultant (probably a specialist at a children's hospital) is going to discuss a child's medical history with a NDN?

Op I think their needs to be compromise on both sides. Either a timetable of when the child is in the garden vs when the dog is. Or the 8pm-8am suggestion up thread.

The idea of parking cars not on your drive is nuts, absolutely nuts, up there with socially distancing cars in a car park!

I think it's impossible for them to control the classmates at school. Kids might not have a dog but how do they police kids having an overnight at Grannies with the dog, or patting a random dog on the way to school.

It may be they are homeschooling to avoid dogs but if the kid is in the garden from dawn to dusk how much schooling is being done?

I imagine it's an impossible situation being the odd one out in the cul-de-sac.

I would suggest that they swap houses with their family so they are in the middle with family either side.

For those who have asked, would we have purchased a house knowing that someone is severely allergic to dogs absolutely not. As we have always known that we wanted a dog, so maybe the fault is on us but then again how many of you would ask such a question when viewing properties?

If this allergy is so severe then why on earth didn't the parents tell the estate agent about it as surely most of the people viewing the house likely had a dog? Maybe even the estate agent has a dog? Did the parents check that? Did anyone in the hospital have a dog? How far do the dog hairs travel if dogs are in a park 10 mins away? I'm trying to image buying a house, turning up with my dog and the neighbour running over with a list of rules.

I don't know how you live like this OP. I've had dogs my entire life and I never knew that someone could be so deathly allergic that they can't even be in the next garden? I can't believe you agreed to a list of rules to follow in your own home I know you said you didn't want to move but can you really live like this long term? I think it's completely reasonable you bought a house and you want a dog, clearly this isn't the house for you. Not only do you have a difficult neighbour but their entire family live on the road. If you fall out with the neighbour you will have an entire road of neighbours from hell. They are not going to let you loosen the rules. The only way to make nice again with the neighbours is to get rid of your dog.
The way I see it you have two choices. Get rid of the dog or sell up and move. Personally I would sell and move as if you rehome your dog and stay there you will always be resentful and longing for a dog. If you keep the dog and continue to live like this you are going to become resentful, have a large falling out with the entire road and your poor dog is going to grow up not knowing what a garden is or being able to enjoy BBQs with you. Not only can your dog not use your own garden but he can't even walk down your road without being given death stares. I know it's not easy to buy and sell in a pandemic but buy another house and enjoy the freedom of living a normal life with neighbours who don't make you follow their rules.

I've just realised that my dog has 'dog friends' (my friend's dogs) that come over for visits. You'll never be able to do that OP unless they can follow the rules too. Imagine asking a friend over and she says 'Can I bring my dog so they can play' and you text her 'the rules' and make her agree to follow them before setting up a coffee morning.