AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

I am struggling with the fact that you thought your desire to own a dog is in any way comparable to their desire to keep their child alive. Whether or not they’re batshit, they’re clearly scared, and see your decision to get a dog despite knowing their child has recently been hospitalised due to her allergy, as incomprehensible and cruel. They’re going to act as scared people do, as the mother did when you let the dog out without warning. I think the previous poster’s suggestion about a doorbell to ring (and wait for the child to go inside before letting dog out to pee) is a good solution, as well as discussions with your neighbours around just how sensitive this allergy is and how else you can work together to proof the boundary between your gardens. I would also make sure you keep an eye on your neighbours while the dog is outside, as they clearly see it as potentially harming their daughter just by existing.

Poor little girl must be miserable if she barely ever goes anywhere as it is.

I agreed to reasonable requests, however the list just got longer and longer to the point it’s unbearable. Most people get home tired from work go into their home, cuddle their dog and relax. We didn’t have that luxury. At first the parents were so thankful but after she shouted at me it just shows that she can’t even appreciate the lengths we’re going to

The parents have as much freedom to move home as I have freedom to own my dog

@Henryhoover12

No truly nobody in the neighbourhood has a dog, we live in a cul de sac that is far from anywhere else and all the other houses as owned by my neighbours family whether close or extended.

The questions about the school have really intrigued me so I’m thinking when I speak to her to ask “what does the school do to protect your child so we can too”

personally i would not have got a dog in this situation as presumably it is spoiling your dream home and dog lifestyle. I also have a child with serious allergies and its exhausting worrying about. However, if i had to follow all the rules they set i would rehome my dog as its no life for a dog or you. I would ask to speak to their allergy consultant/nurse who can advise on what is 'safe'. I find it hard to believe that the hedge and fence are not sufficient or that you cannot park in your own home to walk you dog inside. i suspect no one ever walks their dog there as its a cul de sac. If the child is that reactive they can never live next door to anyone. They must have been aware that anyone could buy the house - maybe 2 big dogs... they will need to think hard about their future living plans if the consultant confirms they cannot live next door to a dog owner. what an difficult situation.

Rehome the dog.
The child's life is far far more important than your desire to have a dog. I'm appalled you went ahead.

@Henryhoover12

I agreed to reasonable requests, however the list just got longer and longer to the point it’s unbearable. Most people get home tired from work go into their home, cuddle their dog and relax. We didn’t have that luxury. At first the parents were so thankful but after she shouted at me it just shows that she can’t even appreciate the lengths we’re going to

She shouted because she was petrified that her child's health/life was compromised. I'd be livid with you too.

You should discuss a review plan after a year

@LunaPe

Rehome the dog. The child's life is far far more important than your desire to have a dog. I'm appalled you went ahead.

Rehire the child.

Pets are just as important as children to some - imore important than to be just chucked away like piece of rubbish.

@LunaPe

Rehome the dog. The child's life is far far more important than your desire to have a dog. I'm appalled you went ahead.

Why are you being unreasonable? Do you expect to control the lives of others?

@LunaPe That is among the most batshit I read so far.

@Guavafish

You should discuss a review plan after a year

Ffs why?

@HJ91

I am struggling with the fact that you thought your desire to own a dog is in any way comparable to their desire to keep their child alive. Whether or not they’re batshit, they’re clearly scared, and see your decision to get a dog despite knowing their child has recently been hospitalised due to her allergy, as incomprehensible and cruel. They’re going to act as scared people do, as the mother did when you let the dog out without warning. I think the previous poster’s suggestion about a doorbell to ring (and wait for the child to go inside before letting dog out to pee) is a good solution, as well as discussions with your neighbours around just how sensitive this allergy is and how else you can work together to proof the boundary between your gardens. I would also make sure you keep an eye on your neighbours while the dog is outside, as they clearly see it as potentially harming their daughter just by existing.

Poor little girl must be miserable if she barely ever goes anywhere as it is.

I'm struggling to understand why the parents' desire to stay in that cul de sac obligates complete strangers to curb their desired lifestyle to accommodate that desire.

@BelleClapper

Just because you’ve heard stories it doesn’t make it true.

My friend told me she weighed ONE POUND when she was born. She wasn’t lying, that was the story she knew. She also says she’s deathly allergic to strawberries. Also not true. She has a crazy mother who made her believe this things.

Just because people tell you something it doesn’t make it true.

This made me laugh as my H says he weighed less than one pound when born. In the 60s! the whole family tell this story all of the time and refuse to believe anything else.

As for the neighbour, they need 2.5m fence or something..couldn't live like this

I also don’t think it’s fair for you to expect them to move home, which they have been in far longer than you have, are probably very settled and are surrounded by family. It’s too late now, the dog is here, but you are NOT going to have calm discussions if you suggest they move. It’s almost as though you think your dog comes before three humans; this is never the case. Ever.

I understand that tensions are high, which is why you should wait until things calm and then maybe re-approach this with them. You should both be able to use your gardens in peace.

Her child's health isn't compromised,@LunaPe! The dog's dander and hair doesn't blow into the neighbor's home. There is a fence and hedges-you really are using hyperbole (and I carry an epi pen myself)

@LunaPe

Rehome the dog. The child's life is far far more important than your desire to have a dog. I'm appalled you went ahead.

Rehome the child and her parents to a situation that doesn't impose upon complete strangers.

Also guys we haven’t recently got the dog, it’s been over a year and the child has survived! So yes my patience to her shouting I’m killing her child was very thin

@HJ91

I also don’t think it’s fair for you to expect them to move home, which they have been in far longer than you have, are probably very settled and are surrounded by family. It’s too late now, the dog is here, but you are NOT going to have calm discussions if you suggest they move. It’s almost as though you think your dog comes before three humans; this is never the case. Ever.

I understand that tensions are high, which is why you should wait until things calm and then maybe re-approach this with them. You should both be able to use your gardens in peace.

OP merely "expects" to be respected and left alone. How the parents cope with the child's illness is 100 percent on them.

What if somebody had moved into the house already having owing a dog? Or a newcomer to class? I would not be moving. I think the story is bull and they don't like dogs

Rehome the dog.
The child's life is far far more important than your desire to have a dog. I'm appalled you went ahead

There are some comedians on this thread tonight. This is hilarious 🤣

Op you clearly went and aren’t killing her child. The fact that’s she’s still alive proves it.

Live you life and enjoy your home. Give your dog a hug.

This is beyond crazy. It would never cross my mind to ask about neighbour's allergies when buying a property. Also, they need to come up with alternative ways to protect their daughter as they cannot simply prevent her from ever coming into contact with a dog. What if someone at the supermarket owns a dog? What if she goes to the park one day when older and there is a dog there? Are they going to ban everyone in the village from owning a dog?

You have the right to use your property and they can not dictate to you how you do so. I agree with your husband that you should slowly but consistently start "breaking the rules". Allow them to get used to the idea that they're not in charge. The fact that you had previously agreed will probably make it harder but you are not in the wrong.

"AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child?"

Of COURSE a damn dog doesn't have the same rights as a human child. Rehome it. Or move. Have some consideration. Dog nuttery is a mental disease. Really can't believe you went ahead.

OP, live your life how you want. If the child has such terrible allergies then the parents need to live somewhere where they are not going to come into contact with a neighbour’s dog. I actually have a great deal of sympathy for the parents but their situation cannot dictate to you how to live your reasonable life.

I know you say there could be issues with the relatives being in the cul de sac but you really are not doing anything wrong.

@SecretSpAD

*Rehome the dog. The child's life is far far more important than your desire to have a dog. I'm appalled you went ahead*

There are some comedians on this thread tonight. This is hilarious 🤣

They gotta be joking/trolling. Surely nobody is quite this dense and ridiculous. 🤣