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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

999 replies

Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 14:45

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

OP posts:
LittleMG · 08/07/2021 19:59

Op could we please have an update when you have spoken to the neighbours? Absolutely intrigued by their controlling!

Suzi888 · 08/07/2021 19:59

@Henryhoover12

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

You aren’t allowed to park on your drive. OMG!!!!!!!! Seriously, this whole scenario is INSANE. I’ve never heard of anything like it in my life, apart from Stepford wives. Good job you aren’t a vet isn’t it? I guess you’d have to look for a new career too!
coffeeneeded · 08/07/2021 20:00

This is utterly insane and I'm far too invested in this.

FeatheredHope · 08/07/2021 20:00

You can’t park on your own drive? What are they afraid the dog might do to their car?!

Nomorepies · 08/07/2021 20:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Dwrcegin · 08/07/2021 20:02

@coffeeneeded

This is utterly insane and I'm far too invested in this.
Same!
godmum56 · 08/07/2021 20:02

[quote LST]@godmum56 my dog has full access to the garden from 7 in the morning until around 9 at night. So 2 hours would be nothing.[/quote]
yes indeed mine too

XioXio · 08/07/2021 20:03

You don't park on your own drive because they asked you not to? That's ridiculous. Just park on your own drive.

Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 20:04

@Nomorepies. You haven’t met my Dh. He will do anything to avoid confrontation.

Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 20:05

Not sure why people are being so rude😂😂 10 pages ago I was told I was the most horrible person for buying a dog and now I’m the most pathetic person for following the rules…. You can’t win!

My husband is also a very nice person so he was very understanding and agreed to some of the rules but he lost his patience with it a long time ago.

I am worried about those saying they would harm my dog but I don’t think they will, I know I’ve made them sound like crazy people but they are quite nice neighbours who are just in a tough situation

OP posts:
Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 20:08

Also my husband thinks we should slowly start breaking the rules, rather then all at once and rather then texting them. I think to text to give them warning- if she is so severely allergic then I think they deserve to prepare

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 20:09

A small number of people on here joins the bat shit neighbour side. The majority have said you should stop pandering to their idiotic demands.
Listen to your husband - if he stopped long ago, so should you.
Enjoy you home to the max and do what’s right for you.

aloris · 08/07/2021 20:10

I would be wary about formally agreeing to any specific blanket restrictions, because that could become onerous for you and I would wonder about whether it could put you in an awkward legal situation if they relied on those restrictions and you didn't want to adhere to the restriction in a specific situation. I think it would be nice if you could accommodate them somewhat, while setting some boundaries around what you are willing to do. For example, maybe you could say "I plan to allow my dog to have free access to my garden between the hours of 8 pm and 8 am." If you phrase things this way, you are implicitly giving the child priority during the hours of 8 am to 8 pm, but you haven't backed yourself into as much of a corner or made a formal agreement not to let your dog out at other times, and you have set a boundary that reminds them you too have rights.

I don't think there is any need for some of the hostile suggestions on the thread. There is no need to be vindictive. You have a legal right to enjoy your property. The child has a condition which sounds life-threatening and necessitates a burdensome lifestyle. It's a hard situation for them. You can set reasonable boundaries without being either a doormat or a terrible person.

ragged · 08/07/2021 20:10

how does OP take doggo for a walk that doesn't involve walking out the door and down the drive?

We need a diagram -- quick, before deletion!!

Somanysocks · 08/07/2021 20:12

You need to pull your big girl pants up and suggest to them that they swap houses with another member of their family who is further away. That's no more bonkers than their suggestions (which you should be ignoring if this is true).

Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 20:12

I would engage with them tbh. Don’t text them, I’m with your Dh on that. Just revert to living normally, at least go and get your car back on your drive tonight.
Learn to say no.

Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 20:14

Husband is moving the cars on to the drive as we speak….

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 08/07/2021 20:15

They are bat shit crazy! Not your responsibility, if it's really that bad, which I bet its absolutely not, they should move!!

Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 20:17

Good. If you had declared to the insurance company you keep your cars on the drive and it had come to light that you didn’t, they could have had cause to invalidate your insurance.

Weirdlynormal · 08/07/2021 20:18

@Henryhoover12

Also my husband thinks we should slowly start breaking the rules, rather then all at once and rather then texting them. I think to text to give them warning- if she is so severely allergic then I think they deserve to prepare
I agree. You should state you are entitled to the quiet enjoyment of your home, give them a time when you will revert to normal life.

I would also suggest that this issue would not be solved by you moving as anyone moving in could do exactly what you have done. Remind them of this. Therefore you can only conclude that they should move to somewhere less populated.

If they were to disrupt the sale of your home you would have grounds to sue.. not that you should do this, but this is the outcome if they feel they could interfere. They need to accept their life is not suited to their situation

FantasticButtocks · 08/07/2021 20:21

@Henryhoover12

To bring an end to this:

^Dear NDN,
As you are aware. we have tried very hard to understand and accommodate your wishes in regards to keeping your dd safe by adhering to the limits in our own life arrangements that you requested. However, since you've now accused us, in the strongest possible terms, of intending actual harm to your dd, we see that our not inconsiderable efforts have not even been appreciated.
We are now finding that living our lives according to your requests and requirements are no longer workable, so will no longer be sticking to the rules you have imposed. Obviously, you need to ensure your dd is safe, so perhaps you will be able to find alternative living arrangements.^

piefacedClique · 08/07/2021 20:21

Come on @Henryhoover12…. Share the list! Hopefully they do then read it in the daily mail and realise how utterly batshit they are! You clearly have the patience of a saint to have put up with their nonsense for so long.

Doghead · 08/07/2021 20:22

I don't understand how the neighbour thinks she can dictate when OP should allow her dog access to the garden....but believes her child should have free run of their own garden any time it wants. Why does the childs desire to play in the garden trump the dogs desire to play in the garden? I'm afraid I'd be telling her to piss off. Maybe she should keep her child indoors and only let it out when the OP says she can.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/07/2021 20:22

@spinningspaniels

Never engage with batshittery in any form.

And that's a whole new level of batshit.

Your poor dog.

This ^

Tell them to f**k off.

Your responsibility is to ensure your dog doesn't go onto their property - that's all. It isn't up to you to prevent your dog from breathing into the same air as their snowflake PFB.

Personally I'd get another seven dogs and make sure that there is always at least three in the garden at any one time.

parkerpop · 08/07/2021 20:22

I totally sympathise with the OP and if the situation with the kid is not exaggerated it's heartbreaking to think of her life.

However, the list sounds a bit nuts. I know you're worried about outing yourself OP but think this post might be a bit beyond that.

Can't be many families with a child with an allergy this severe AND that live in a cul de sac where all the houses are owned by family members with the exception of one house who have recently got a dog!!