AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

By the way. There is nothing the school can do to stop a family getting a dog. Or stop another child petting a dog on the way into school. None of this rings true.

For those who say I’m selfish, we were never told of this before buying a house (I would of made sure it was clear to all perspective buyers even if it meant making a massive sign on my boundary for them to see)

You'd never sell if you did this. It would be a massive red flag for batshit crazy neighbour.

People keep suggesting things like this but, genuine question...what are they supposed to do if they don't have the means to do this, like the majority of the population don't?

I think most people who own a house with a garden have the means to move to a flat that doesn't allow dogs on the property. Failing that, they'd have to work out a more reasonable schedule with the dog's owner, not just a blanket ban on the dog leaving the house whenever the child wants to play outside. I think most people would agree to that, but if they don't, then they'd have to keep the child inside more often. Many children grow up without any kind of yard or garden, and aren't terribly harmed by it.

Those saying that they can’t afford it they most certainly can (I think I don’t really know their financial situation but based on the value of their home and the cost of the park in the garden) they could certainly sell and buy a detached (albeit small) house in the middle of nowhere. But they won’t as they enjoy all their family being around.

Also what about the inconveniences this has caused me from the list we follow I know you keep asking but they are so bonkers I’m actually embarrassed to say because I’m embarrassed we’ve ever agreed to follow them tbh!! Or the fact the kid is in the garden from 5am screaming and playing in her little park but we don’t say anything when that wakes us up

I'd tell the NDN that I would 'compromise' by hollering out the back door "", Rover is coming out to play, you need to go inside for XX minutes".

Dogs can be taught to 'do their business' on command. We give our very stubborn Dachsie a few minutes to sniff around the yard, then tell him 'Go potty' and he does. We live on property in the country so no fenced yard + predators means we don't let him out alone. Added benefit is no standing outside in the rain waiting for him to find 'the right spot'. Our wonderful 'late' Lab did the same.

There are, however, dogs that are considered 'hypoallergenic'. Perhaps you might consider one of those breeds:

www.pumpkin.care/blog/best-hypoallergenic-dogs/

So you're new and ?young. They're older, established and perceive that they own the close? Hence setting rules for you? They're taking the piss.

Why did the previous owners move?

You are not being unreasonable let your poor dog use the garden when it wants. I cannot imagine any school would group classes by who has a dog and who doesn’t and that would mean they would never change for their whole school life (well unless their dog status changed!) you can’t run a school like that you need to balance the year and the personalities, the other parents would be in uproar. She needs to live somewhere far far away from anyone else she can’t tell you how to use your garden unless you are having raves at 3am!

Do you share a garden? She really can't stop you from letting your dog out. The onus is on her beginning her child in when the dog is outside of making sure the child status away from the fence if dog is there.

What if you already had a dog when you moved in?

@StrawberryDelight10

They’ve already purchased the majority of the op neighbouring properties via family members owning them. They should have bought one more - the OPs house or got yet another family member or made a group purchase in order to buy it. If a group of them purchased it they could choose to leave it empty or rent it with a list of strict conditions.
They do not get to dictate and micromanage someone else’s life to this extent. No matter how ill their child is.

Is this a shared garden or private? How does she even know if your dog goes into the garden? Is she always watching from an upstairs window?

I’m severely allergic to nuts but if someone was eating them in their garden next to us I would be fine! It’s only an issue in enclosed spaces.

5am?! They sound like entitled nightmares. What kind of twat let’s their child out so early? They’re clearly too comfortable with calling the shots, l wonder what the previous owners of your house thought about them

Definitely you have done too much

I would just scrap the whole list of rules at this point with no discussion and just do what you think is normal and reasonable ie don't let dog get into their garden or bark all day and night but otherwise just do as you please in your garden with your dog.

No need to discuss as there will never be any compromise with that level of crazy

If they come back to you then you say that you tried but it was unworkable and you are withdrawing your VOLUNTARY agreement.

How on earth could they think it reasonable to control what someone else does in their own home and garden? I am not fond of my neighbours cat and am pretty allergic to cats but largely only if in direct contact with them or maybe if I sit where one has recently been sitting. I shoo it out if I catch it shitting in my garden but I acknowledge they have a right to own it and I don't try to impose stupid crazy rules on someone else. I accept that my (and my kids) allergies are our problem to manage.

There is no way this girl can go to school if the allergy is how your neighbours present it OP. We have a couple of cats and the dcs are covered with cat hairs at all times - I take it the same would go for children who attend the girl's school who live with dogs. I take it they haven't managed to preclude everyone in the school from having dogs? I would suspect that being in close proximity to children with dog hairs on them would be more of a risk than being in the garden next to one with a dog in it!

@ohfuckitall

I agree

100%.

@StrongTea

Wonder if this is why house was up for sale in the first place? Sounds like a nightmare. You can hardly sell and stipulate buyers must not have a dog. Best thing is they move in between relatives and child is safer.

I was wondering that, and the previous neighbours breathed a massive sigh of relief when they heard the money was in and they got the keys for their next house far far away!

If the entire culdesac is one family, they need to pull together for the sake of their cousin/granddaughter/niece/whatever and not rely on one set of random neighbours to change their lives and live by a list (WTF!). Collectively they have way way enough space to sort something out between them to give this child a happy and safe childhood.

@YellowBellyCat, when it comes to life-threatening stuff (or even avoiding inconvenience for them), I happily bow to my neighbours. As we say in Dutch, 'a good neighbour is better than a far-away friend'.

I am pregnant and live in a semi-detached. We share the master bedroom wall with our neighbour, who is an elderly widow, but still has decent hearing. It is not very soundproof. We are planning to change bedrooms before the baby comes to the smaller one at the other side of the house, so her sleep does not get interrupted when baby would cry all night.

Are we obliged to do this? No. Is it an inconvenience? Yes. Is it the morally right thing to do? We think so. Of course we could have said 'It is our own property and we can do what we want there. She should have known a young couple could move in who are having children'. But we rather invest in the relationship, including by ensuring we have no negative effect on her wellbeing. We feel that suits us all better in the long run.

OP consciously jeopardised relations with the neighbours, by doing something that could potentially affect their vulnerable child, and is now surprised about the social repercussions.

If I or my child had allergies so severe then I'd be moving to the middle of nowhere with no neighbours. What would happen if you lost your sight - would they stop you from having a guide dog.

Ridiculous for them to say what you can and can't do in your own private space. I fully support that you got a dog, I would have too (although I would have come with lots of dogs anyway) - what would they have done now.

I think they really just want your house.

No wonder the last neighbours moved.

Your neighbours are lucky you only have one dog. Most people I know have 2,m. And literally all my neighbours have dogs.

The whole family cod club together and move to the middle of nowhere.

Since none of them go anywhere or doing anything at the moment, it should work out fine for them.

And that's the only way they can ever get everything they want and expect the neighbours, to do as they need them to.

Could it simply be that your neighbours are being batshit in order to pressure you to move (and perhaps succeeded with the last people - with different craziness)? I had a cousin who lived on a rent (luckily renting) where most of the houses were rented/owned by people who were related - she was constantly being "nudged" to consider moving so that they could get another relative into the house she was renting.

@JacquelineCarlyle, apologies, you are right. Was meant in response to someone else.

I'm intrigued about this list of rules you were given.

I'm a little confused about all their rules that you have said you follow. Is the child allergic to something other than dogs? If no, then all the rules you follow must somehow be related to preventing the child being exposed to your dog. You describe it as a lot of rules, but it all boils down to one idea which is ensuring the child has no exposure to a dog.

This is your property so you have a right to let your dog out if you like. However, from what you describe, this child is living with an extreme condition that severely limits his/her life. Their child rarely goes out except to a school that is willing to enact the extreme restrictions this child needs to stay alive. The child's family have gone to extreme lengths to create an environment where the child can be kept alive, including buying up as many properties on the cul-de-sac as possible, and only allowing the child to socialize with his/her family who live within the cul-de-sac. You say it is frustrating that the child is in their garden all the time, but from what you describe, that is because the neighbor's garden is apparently the only place this child can go other than his/her house and school. So this must be a very severe and life-threatening allergy.

So essentially this child's family went to extremely burdensome lengths to create a living situation where this medically fragile child can stay alive, and you brought into this environment the one thing that, with a tiny amount of exposure, could kill them.

I see both sides here. It's your property, and you can do as you wish. But you knew in advance that they went to extreme lengths to create an environment to prevent their child being exposed to dogs, you knew that contact with dogs is so dangerous to their child that he/she has been hospitalized after those exposures, you knew this sensitivity is so extreme that the child cannot go anywhere other than her own backyard and her school, and then you bought a dog.

I suppose what seems like the tie-breaker to me, here is, that your dog can safely go for walks elsewhere: to the local park, around other parts of the neighborhood, etc. Whereas this child is only safe in this small space. So to bring your dog to that small space when your dog has the rest of the world to go investigate on walks, and smell things, and meet other dogs, even though it's within your rights, it seems a bit cruel.

Maybe she is as allergic as they say she is? After all some people can be so allergic to peanuts that someone having them in the same space as them can be an issue. I don't see why the same can't apply to dog allergies. Obviously it must make life very difficult for her and her parents but it doesn't make it untrue. As for the school not being able to manage it, I think that depends on the level of dog ownership in the area. At our school it wouldn't be a big issue as very few families have dogs but dog ownership is low where I am.
In terms of a solution, you have a dog now and you need to let the dog out so I guess a 6ft fence, and hope she isn't as allergic as they say she is.

They are cheeky twats.

The poster who asked her neighbour to stop putting egg shells down, did you ever consider stopping your toddler from going into her garden? Surely that is the decent, none entitled thing to do?