AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

Hang on I missed something - so your dog did go out whilst her child was in the garden ——- and didn’t die or get rushed to hospital etc etc. The neighbour said “don’t worry about it this time”????

In that case don’t worry about it ever. Bat shit neighbour.

@ohfuckitall

But here, it's completely one-sided

Your moral compass is completely fucked if you think you only need to behave to others with consideration if you get some pay back for it.

which may include keeping their daughter inside if they believe it's unsafe for her to play outdoors
That's almost bordering on evil in its utter selfishness. Who on earth would think 'I'm totally fine with your child being indoors all the time if it means I get my dream dog' I'm pretty speechless.

I remember doing a philosophy course and one of the questions - reflecting a utilitarian approach - was ' would you accept a peaceful prosperous happy society if a young girl had to be locked in a basement her whole life to achieve it.' I assumed most people would answer no, how could we be happy knowing it was based on such misery. But apparently there are people on this thread who would be fine with it,.
They'd have her locked up just so someone could have dog.

I am with you on this @ohfuckitall. Just shocked by this whole thread and people's willingness to curtail this child's freedom even further.

You sound like you have gone above and beyond and in my opinion it’s time to stop. Your dog should be free to use the garden. Quite simply if this is a genuine grave concern they will have to move, somewhere very rural and pray no sheep dogs or cattle!

I would continue to allow the dog free access to the garden and ensure always on a lead when going to and from the house via front garden/street. If this is do severe surely your clothing will be ‘contaminated’ too when you are in the garden.

This sounds like a nightmare situation.

Maybe one of the other cul de sac relatives could swap houses with them so that they are further away. The whole set up sounds weird though, much like a commune 🤪 did you know you would be the only non-family house on the street? That in itself would put me off!

They need to either buy a much larger/remote place or buy out properties on all their boundaries.

People keep suggesting things like this but, genuine question...what are they supposed to do if they don't have the means to do this, like the majority of the population don't?

I don't buy this.

If this child's allergy is as severe as the neighbours are making out, there is no way that she would be going to school.

There would be far too many risks involved and it would be impossible to police.

Exactly. They are protecting their daughter, and championing her wellbeing. That sounds like good parenting to me. They cannot take her allergy away from her, so they are doing the best job they can protecting her, including by ensuring a safe home environment.

But if her allergy is so severe they're not are they...because it's unreasonable for them to expect neighbours to do this. I'd have told her to fuck off a long time ago when she started screaming at me. If they want to protect their child they need to move to somewhere very rural/without direct neighbours. Or they can swap house with one of their relatives in the street and not be next to OP. So they have options they're not bothering with because it's easier to scream at OP.

@Henryhoover12

Additionally it’s not just about the use of the garden. We have a long list of things we have to follow (don’t feel comfortable sharing as they are so specific and so outing) that is she read this she would know. So please remember when I say I let my dog out for a wee in the garden I didn’t break the only rule my neighbour gave us, I probably followed the other 10 perfectly that day that this one just slipped my mind or I was so exhausted from all of it I forgot. So perhaps the mums reaction pissed me off even more because we follow so many of her rules that had she just said “op you forgot my kid is in the garden don’t worry about it this time I appreciate the effort but please remember for next time”

TBH, there can't be that many children with this particular allergy to such a severe degree. Who live in a close where only one neighbour isn't a relative. I don't see how listing any other of her demands is going to be any more outing that the bare bones of it.

For those who say I’m selfish, we were never told of this before buying a house (I would of made sure it was clear to all perspective buyers even if it meant making a massive sign on my boundary for them to see)

They never told us of her daughters dog allergy until we said we’re buying a dog, the conversations before that were just light and casual small talk. On our request of what GP surgery’s are around they did make a joke that they were there more often then not (obviously now we know why).

We live with w long list of demands and I wish my neighbour could read some of the replies so they can appreciate how much of good neighbours we are

People keep suggesting things like this but, genuine question...what are they supposed to do if they don't have the means to do this, like the majority of the population don't?

They accept that they may need to give their kid regular epipens or keep the kid in the house not in the garden. I still can't believe the kid is so allergic they could react outside to a dog in the next garden.

@Fluffycloudland77

If the relatives are that bothered why don’t they swap houses with the parents until the daughter leaves home?.

I saw a child badly affected by a dog allergy on tv but the hospital treated him by injecting tiny microlitres of allergen with a crash team on standby & gradually got him tolerant to dogs.

A valid point. Surround herself with accommodating family!

no. Just no. if their child is THAT allergic then they should be covering in their garden to protect her from airbourne allergens. I am not going to get into the humans before animals thing but no one has a right to have their family's needs put above another's. I think that its a horrible situation for you and to be fair, the parents may BELIEVE that the problem is that big. Parents can (understandably) get crazy worried over a child but that does not entitle them to rule the the cul de sac. The "all the other things" I find a bit worrying. It sounds like danegeld to me. What next? child now has a pollen allergy so please pave your garden. I think you have two choices really, either politely say enough and start doing what you want in your own space, or move.

If their child’s life is truly in such danger from the actions of the neighbours, they should have engaged with the vendors of the house and/or the agents before it was sold to you to ask whether it was at all possible to avoid selling it to someone who had a dog or intended to get one. Of course your average vendor’s neighbour can’t interfere in a sale like that but (if the allergy is truly as severe as it is being painted) then this is an extremely unusual situation and those involved might out of kindness have agreed to do what they could to help minimise the risk, especially if the agent was local and knew the family. Sounds highly likely though that the vendors moved to escape their batshit neighbours on all sides.

The mistake you made was agreeing to even look at their list.

Stupidly, I missed the bit about many of the neighbours being related, which may have something to do with it in that they want to control even the properties they don't own

If that's the case, you may even have made things harder for yourself by dancing to their tune so far

OP I know you don't want to out yourself but it might help us to understand if you could say at least one of the other requirements?

One of their family should have bought the house directly beside them. If they want to protect their child, they have to do it themselves and not rely on other people (strangers) altering their lives to accommodate.

Wonder if this is why house was up for sale in the first place? Sounds like a nightmare. You can hardly sell and stipulate buyers must not have a dog. Best thing is they move in between relatives and child is safer.

@TheRebelle

What they should have done is firstly notified the agent when the house went up for sale so the agent could tell you and you could take it into consideration when deciding whether to buy the house and secondly she should have asked you to let her know when the dog was going out so she could take the child in not forbidding you from using your own garden!

What? They can't dictate to someone considering buying a house. If they don't like it they should move to a detached house in the middle of nowhere

What else is on the list?

You may as well tell us as this post is outing anyway. That you have a list from them makes it sound like they may be nutters who have spotted a soft target.

See we’re very accommodating people and have gone over and beyond. But surely the parents need to think what can they do to protect the child from this allergy not what can everyone else do! What if we weren’t as nice what would their plan of been then. I think after reading your comments we’ve done too much and now will stop. The ball is in the parents court to protect their child, as unfortunately the world doesn’t revolve around her

[quote missingholland]@JacquelineCarlyle. How is it not? (For someone with your username I would have expected better analytical abilities.)

The nut allergy comparison was OP's, not my idea, as she wondered whether having a nut allergy would require the whole neighbourhood to go nut-free. I just took the comparison and ran with it.

A: neighbours told OP about dog allergies/multiple hospital admissions before purchase of dog.
B: OP says she always wanted a dog and purchases dog, despite their polite requests and then protests.
C: Dog lives directly next to vulnerable, allergic girl.

This is what happened. Seems to me that my nut comparison is an adequate reflection of this.[/quote]
Not sure why this is directed at me as I've not passed comment on your analogy?

When we brush out husky her hair blows up and away...
They can't control everything...

@StrawberryDelight10

They need to either buy a much larger/remote place or buy out properties on all their boundaries.

People keep suggesting things like this but, genuine question...what are they supposed to do if they don't have the means to do this, like the majority of the population don't?

Not the OP's problem

This is sounding really weird and controlling.
It's quite common for neighbours to ask you not play your loud music at night or maybe something to do with a boundary. Controlling any other aspect of your life is well out of order.
People are free to live undisturbed and have privacy in their own homes. You are not causing any nuisance and are being harrassed possibly even bullied by them.