AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

To be honest, I wouldn't have gotten the dog given you knew in advance. I think the child's life is ultimately more important, and if it was my child, I'd desperately want other people to compromise to keep her healthy - her quality of life is significantly limited already without people making it worse. I wish that would have been disclosed prior to you buying, of course, which is on them - given you've decided the dog is non negotiable, I assume you would have bought elsewhere.

I think you will end up moving. They won't move, their entire family is here, they've made changes to adapt to her life there, and ultimately the issue is your dog - as irrational as you might feel it is, if it was your child, you'd hate them for putting your child at risk too. For now, I'd avoid getting the dog outside in the back, use your front garden or walk the dog to the park. You have options she doesn't have, and your ease doesn't trump her health.

Your neighbours need to move to a house in the middle of nowhere. It is unfortunate that their child is severely allergic to dogs but it is not anyone's else's responsibility to protect her. They must walk past people in the supermarket who have dog hairs on them.

This extended family sound like something out of a horror film - a bunch of inter-related inbred idiots with all kinds of obsessions and rituals. Village of the Damned ....

@AntiSocialDistancer

If it were me I would write her a letter saying that come September you will need to start letting your dog use the garden whenever suits you as a family.

Tell her that gives her 6 weeks to make different accommodations, making space in the front garden for her child, arranging established tall plants on the boundary, or if she's in rented accommodation or council property time to establish a move.

If you wouldn't mind, you could suggest popping a doorbell by the fence, or your back door so you can ding it when you are letting the dog out so she can hear it (the noise would be on her side) to bring her child inside promptly if she feels it's life threatening for him.

But make it clear that although you are sympathetic, you need to start using your own garden for your needs to suit yourselves.

are you serious?

“Well your neighbours are crazy as are quite a few posters on this thread.”

Yes you’ve summed it up in one sentence.

I had a quick read about dog allergies just now as was genuinely curious as to whether people can even be severely allergic to pets in the same way as say nuts. Apparently it's rare but possible. In any case it's the dander, urine and saliva that are the issue and not the hair. I would think if she's that severely allergic that being anywhere that a dog has been or near people who have dogs will be an issue so she surely takes medication as dogs are impossible to avoid. Someone in her class or a teacher will have one then there's daily living like going in a supermarket, to see a Dr, to friends houses. So I'd say let your dog out and just make sure they don't meet face to face. Asking anymore than that is unreasonable and they should live in a flat if it's severe enough that she can't be in a garden next to a garden that a dog is in given that a person with dogs could move in next to them at any point. What if someone had move in who had three dogs?

Have you had a conversation with them and making it clear your dog needs to go into the garden sometimes but the child is out all the time?

Maybe you can come to a compromise there where the child can come in for 10 mins when your dog needs to go out.

It sounds like the allergy is horrific and it must be a very stressful thing to live with within their family. Of course if their child's life was in danger they'd react with strong emotions, same as you would if you had a child in potential danger.

People seem to assume this child goes to a typical school. Why are you assuming that? OP even said themselves they don't know the details of schooling.

They obviously don't want to risk the dog being in the garden at the same time as their child incase their child falls ill, do you want to risk it?

I can't really believe people are saying you ignore completely and do what you want. I would say talk to them. We're talking about a child's health here.

See the thing is me and my partner are very nice people, perhaps to nice that we get taken advantage of. I would never expect the whole world to revolve around me however. Some need to be reminded that we did not buy our dog maliciously to hurt the child. We brought it because it was our dream and have lived with the consequences that our neighbours have put on us.

I need to go speak to the neighbour but I don’t know what to say.

What if you had moved in with a golden retriever (the hairiest of the hairy)?

@Zari29

I agree with this - if you believe them (as you say you do), it's extremely selfish to have gotten the dog. No wonder they're upset with you & I'm not surprised your neighbours are upset with you too.

On what sort of entitled planet do you live? Do you literally think the world revolves around people like you? The op has every right to get a dog. The only solution here is for the neighbors to move or keep their child home. Ridiculous that they have ensured the school follow this nonsense. If the girl is that sick then she needs to live only in her house and not expect the world to revolve around her. She will get a huge shock as she grows and no one is going to entertain this. Op you feel UR because the family has ganged up on. If you were among unrelated neighbors, someone else would have told them to go do one if they tried this. Absolutely crazy and selfish of them.

But no way have they ensured that the school follows the no dog rule. Unless there is only 2 other pupils there and 1 teacher. It is just such rubbish I am astonished anyone would believe it.

My local village school is quite small but I know for sure that loads of the children have dogs. Even those that don't have relatives with one.

If all the other houses in the cul de sac are owned by their family, why don’t your neighbours swap houses with one of them so they aren’t living right next door to the dog?

You really aren’t being unreasonable at all. I think you’ve been extremely accommodating so far.

@BelleClapper

Wait, all of the neighbours are related?

Where on Earth do you live?

Norfolk?

"What if you had moved in with a golden retriever (the hairiest of the hairy)?"

... and it was a guide dog.....

"Discuss".

Is the school also entirely populated by the allergic kid's family?

Has the village started erecting a wicker effigy, by any chance?

@Henryhoover12

See the thing is me and my partner are very nice people, perhaps to nice that we get taken advantage of. I would never expect the whole world to revolve around me however. Some need to be reminded that we did not buy our dog maliciously to hurt the child. We brought it because it was our dream and have lived with the consequences that our neighbours have put on us.

I need to go speak to the neighbour but I don’t know what to say.

You sound young, too kind and don’t take this the wrong way, but a little naive and far too accommodating.

I am also kind, but older, more cynical and less trusting.

This situation would worry me too, but only because the whole neighbourhood sound weird and would make me feel uneasy.

Additionally it’s not just about the use of the garden. We have a long list of things we have to follow (don’t feel comfortable sharing as they are so specific and so outing) that is she read this she would know. So please remember when I say I let my dog out for a wee in the garden I didn’t break the only rule my neighbour gave us, I probably followed the other 10 perfectly that day that this one just slipped my mind or I was so exhausted from all of it I forgot. So perhaps the mums reaction pissed me off even more because we follow so many of her rules that had she just said “op you forgot my kid is in the garden don’t worry about it this time I appreciate the effort but please remember for next time”

OP, YANBU, it is your house and you should be free to let your dog into the garden. The kid's parents have a duty to protect the child, not you. If they don't want to be near a dog , then they need to move to a property with no gardens attached to theirs.

I am always sympathetic of allergies, having friends with serious egg and nut allergies, and happy to make allowances for them, but for you to not be able to have a dog because of the neighbour is selfish on their part, not on yours.

Don't agree time slots with them, you should be able to enjoy your garden whenever you want.

The onus is on them to protect their child, not you and they need to take the necessary measures not you.

Unfortunately though, if the whole street is related and as batshit crazy as your neighbour, then you might not want to live there long anyway.

@TwoYearsSince

"What if you had moved in with a golden retriever (the hairiest of the hairy)?"

... and it was a guide dog.....

"Discuss".

It would be like a game of health top trumps. Or discrimination top trumps!

See the thing is me and my partner are very nice people, perhaps to nice that we get taken advantage of.

You do sound nice people and I understand your frustration. You're in a difficult situation here. I feel for both you and your neighbour.

What does he do in school?

Surely he has come in contact with children and staff that have dogs?

This is crazy

Your garden, let the dog out whenever he wants

If you've already got a 6ft fence and a hedge, how do they even know your dog is out? I'd let it out and keep quiet, no calling the dog's name etc.

@sergeilavrov

To be honest, I wouldn't have gotten the dog given you knew in advance. I think the child's life is ultimately more important, and if it was my child, I'd desperately want other people to compromise to keep her healthy - her quality of life is significantly limited already without people making it worse. I wish that would have been disclosed prior to you buying, of course, which is on them - given you've decided the dog is non negotiable, I assume you would have bought elsewhere.

I think you will end up moving. They won't move, their entire family is here, they've made changes to adapt to her life there, and ultimately the issue is your dog - as irrational as you might feel it is, if it was your child, you'd hate them for putting your child at risk too. For now, I'd avoid getting the dog outside in the back, use your front garden or walk the dog to the park. You have options she doesn't have, and your ease doesn't trump her health.

Well you wouldn't have got a dog. What a saint you are.

What supposed changes have they made to adapt to her life there? She goes to a school where supposedly none of the staff or pupils have a dog or ever come into contact with a dog. Fantasy school in other words.

No way would I not be letting my dog into the back garden. If you have read the whole thread you will see that OP says there is a 6ft high fence AND a hedge. No way is her dog going to cause any harm whatsoever to the child

Hi batshit neighbour
I'm letting ddog out as and when from now on.If you feel uncomfortable with this then just call your daughter in.

You are responsible for your dog not someone else's child.

Can you suggest a system where you give 5 mins notice by shouting over the fence before you let the dog out? A bit of a faff but gives the kid chance to get in and stay in until safe?

your neighbour has rules for your garden about your dog? Fuck that.