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Original poster

Words and phrases that confused you as a child at school - or am I the only one?

317 replies

FortunesFave · 08/07/2021 12:39

I clearly remember thinking 'what?" whenever the teacher mentioned "The Apparatus" during PE.

I didn't know what apparatus was! This was in primary school. She'd shout to the group of us in the 'big hall' "Don't touch the apparatus!" during the times when we were allowed to run around aimlessly during "PE lessons"

Then there was the mysterious "Cloakroom" I couldn't work out if this was a euphemism for toilets or if they meant the tiny bit of the corridor where we hung our coats.

Still not sure. Was I a lone weirdo who didn't understand basic stuff?

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 09/07/2021 01:14

@Puffalicious

I think all hopeless people are GD, but all GD aren't hopeless.

You know, like all Alsatians are dogs, but all dogs aren't Alsatians.

Probably you were just dead good at stopping the ball going in the net.

HaveringWavering · 09/07/2021 01:15

Your PE comment also reminded me in PE no one ever explained the rules to netball, basketball, hockey etc but everyone seemed to know what they were doing so I was constantly shouted at for breaking the rules.

Yes! Exactly this! And I was a real goody two shoes at school, no way I was just not paying attention when they did explain. My school friend moved from Scotland to New Zealand as an adult and said she finally had to buy a book when they asked her to help train her kids’ hockey team.

OP I definitely remember thinking “Apparatus” was a funny word in PE, I think in my mind it was “a Paratus”, I did love how it swung out though.

Love the scary Armitage Sharks!

LittleNinaNanar · 09/07/2021 01:40

I had this also.

EBearhug · 09/07/2021 01:45

We were due to decorate the tiny local church for Easter or harvest festival or something. I drew a most excellent picture of God in my best felt tips - big bloke with white hair and beard, long flowing white robes, sat on a cloud. And sat on his right hand was a little Jesus. If they meant sat by his right side, why didn't they say that, rather than talking about being sat on his right hand? (I thought sitting on a giant God-hand was probably quite comfortable for Jesus, so it totally made sense, and then God could carry him round to wherever he was going to do a miracle or something.)

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 09/07/2021 02:13

My school didn't have either type of reception (we just started at Form One, and had the Secretary's Office as you went in). I knew about hotel receptions and wedding receptions, so was very confused when I read a book (Sophie's Tom, by Dick King Smith — it stuck in my head!) where it talks about her starting reception at school.

Dita73 · 09/07/2021 02:55

This wasn’t a school thing but I vividly remember looking at my parents wedding photos when I was really small. I asked my mum why I wasn’t there and she told me that then I was just “a twinkle in my dad’s eye”. For a few years after every time I saw a photo of my dad that was taken before I was born,I would desperately try a find the twinkle in my dad’s eye! 🙄

maybelou · 09/07/2021 03:02

Some of these have really made me laugh 🤣

When I was a kid we had a cat called Jeeves, but I thought his name was Jesus. I then associated everything Jesus related with this white cat, then one day in class we were asked to draw what we thought God looked like. I drew a (very good, I thought!) cat up in the sky with clouds and my teacher told me off because she thought I was taking the piss. I just pretended I was rather than admit that I genuinely thought God/Jesus was a giant cat in the sky Blush

RussianRuby · 09/07/2021 03:09

I think I was in my twenties when I had the lightbulb moment that Artic drivers drove articulated lorries and not a brand of trucks called Arctic (as in polar bears etc)

Dita73 · 09/07/2021 03:32

I also thought that the royals did actually have blue blood. Thinking about all the things I believed were true as a kid,I’m amazed I can tie my own shoelaces

elp30 · 09/07/2021 03:59

@Dita73

This wasn’t a school thing but I vividly remember looking at my parents wedding photos when I was really small. I asked my mum why I wasn’t there and she told me that then I was just “a twinkle in my dad’s eye”. For a few years after every time I saw a photo of my dad that was taken before I was born,I would desperately try a find the twinkle in my dad’s eye! 🙄

That's actually very cute 😊

elp30 · 09/07/2021 04:08

I'm 50 years old and am not from the UK so I'm a little stumped...

What the heck is an "apparatus" @FortunesFave that you weren't allowed to touch?!

Inkanta · 09/07/2021 05:10

A teacher told to me to use some elbow grease! So expected there'd be a tin of it Smile

Inkanta · 09/07/2021 05:16

I am the Lord of the Damp Settee
Smile'

Crazysheep · 09/07/2021 07:02

Oh iv thought of another. Not me but my ds. He went to a Catholic primary and we are not Catholic or religious at all. He was convinced for years that the blessed art tho amongst woman part in the hail Mary was bless the hands that go swimming.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 09/07/2021 07:03

@elp30

I'm 50 years old and am not from the UK so I'm a little stumped...

What the heck is an "apparatus" @FortunesFave that you weren't allowed to touch?!

It's things like climbing frames...wooden ones which lie flat against the wall but are hinged so can be pulled out to access. And wooden things...vaulting horses or something.
OP posts:
cookiecreampie · 09/07/2021 07:35

@Claphands

My childhood misunderstanding is when we used to sing the hymn ‘Lord of the dance’ I didn’t understand the words, “I-am am the lord of the dance said he” -said he sounded like one word to me and I thought it was ‘dance said he’ which I was confused about!
I always thought it was I am the Lord of the dance settee.
BalloonSlayer · 09/07/2021 07:36

Words of hymns used to confuse me.

"And with bated breath" I didn't know what bated meant so although it was spelled differently to baited I always imagined a human mouth with a fishing hook through the tongue when we sung that line. I can still see it in my mind's eye even now.

And at the end of Alleluia sing to Jesus:

Shall our hearts forget his pro-o-o-o-mise
I am with you evermore?

The question mark confused me! "I am with you evermore" isn't a question!! Should it be Am I with you evermore? Eventually I twigged that the two lines are one sentence, and the last line should have speech marks with the question mark outside it: Shall our hearts forget his promise: "I am with you ever more" ?

MisdemeanorOnTheFloor · 09/07/2021 07:45

"09RussianRuby
I think I was in my twenties when I had the lightbulb moment that Artic drivers drove articulated lorries and not a brand of trucks called Arctic (as in polar bears etc)"

So it's not just me!!! To make it worse, my actual job was to book 'Arctic' lorries. And one day I asked one of the drivers why everyone needed lorries with freezer containers when we were delivering road equipment....

Fifthtimelucky · 09/07/2021 08:11

@Puffalicious

Whoaaaa! I was in the hockey team and was GD! Does this mean I was completely shit and they just felt sorry for me?!BlushAngry. When I come to think of it, the PE teacher did roll her eyes at me a lot. My teen hood has been destroyed nowConfused
Unless they have changed things since I played hockey in the 1970s, I think you were even more confused than you remember.

There used to be no goal defence position in hockey. There was a goalkeeper, obviously, and then a left and right back.

Unlike most people it seems, I do remember being taught the rules of both hockey and netball!

HaveringWavering · 09/07/2021 08:35

These are brilliant. I love Anna’s rak!

Isn’t it odd in retrospect that children are/were taught hymns and prayers but nobody sat down and explained the meaning of them? It completely undermines the purpose of having them if they are just meaningless sounds. And they contain so many archaic or oddly-used words, and weird phrasings.

I used to struggle with “infamous”- why have a special word to describe someone who is not famous?

TheQueef · 09/07/2021 08:38

Another GD here.
There seems to be a pattern.
It's only taken fifty years and this thread to enlighten me that there was, indeed, a pudding club and I was firmly in it. Sad

ViewFromHalfway · 09/07/2021 08:50

I go through life perpetually experiencing these things because I'm autistic and non-autistic people just seem to speak in code and make huge assumptions all the time!

And up until this very thread I thought that road sign had a bloody hammer on it. It took a while of looking from different angles after that post to figure out it's part of a car!!

A couple of ones from my childhood that would fit well with other posts:

Whenever I saw the 'To let' signs I understood what they meant BUT when it was followed by 'apply within' I was stumped because they never specified how long you had to apply. Apply within what? A day, a week, a month? Didn't occur to me they might mean within THE BUILDING.

I also always thought 'pay per view' was 'paper view' and assumed it was because you were given a statement/bill of the things you had viewed on a piece of paper.

WordOfTheDay · 09/07/2021 08:54

@AlizeeEasy
The saying “the pot calling the kettle black” was coined back in the times of fireplace cooking, when pots and kettles were made of black iron/were black from being used on an open fire.
So, the pot and kettle looked the same, i.e “a pot calling a kettle black”, is a person accusing another of the same thing he himself is guilty of.

Words and phrases that confused you as a child at school - or am I the only one?
Lalallama · 09/07/2021 08:54

At primary school we were being noisy in assembly and the head teacher said 'if you don't quieten down I'll blow my top'. She had rather a large chest and I was terrified that she meant if we weren't quiet her boobs would explode.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 09/07/2021 09:17

To this day I dont really understand "Away in a manger"
I know what a manger is but why is Jesus 'away' in it?
Still don't get what this is trying to say.