Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

@Micemakingclothes

Free spots for teaching staff are a long standing tradition. If they dropped it entirely and are expecting staff to pay full fees, I would move her now. I would take that as a signal that the perk is never coming back. If instead they are offering a discounted fee, I would take advantage of that and keep her where she is.

Discounts, yes, but wholly free places for the children of staff are not the norm. Discounts have been shrinking and the the most generous examples tend to be ‘grandfathered’ in to older contracts and not offered to new starters.

I can't see where the op mentions Freemasonry.

Op, I think you'll manage somehow. You sound like a great mum.

I don’t think any school is worth sacrificing your extra curricular activities for , especially if the alternative is a good school .

Reputationally not good for staff to be seen removing their children from what seems to be a struggling school

Can yon negotiate 50% ?

If they want a chunk upfront, I’d be even more concerned that there is a cash flow problem in the school, that might mean they will survive only if there’s a cash injection.

@Theemptyvase

Thank you all so much for your replies. It has been incredibly helpful to read through them all. To the PP who is having troubles with the busary, and the one who was so affected by the upheaval of moving so much, I really hope that things get better

In contractual terms, the free school places have never been mentioned. It's always been an informal agreement, so I suppose it's a case of more fool me for relying on something like that. I have always been aware of it, but a lot of my colleagues have had kids there right through so I went for it hoping that this situation would never arise. More fool me for creating the risk for myself.

Looking at the terms of the fee payment for the school, it seems they need a decent-sized payment up front, which is even more problematic than the monthly cost. To find the money, we'll have to cancel our holiday (it has free cancellation due to Covid), cancel DDs extra-curricular music and swimming classes, and start cutting corners everywhere. Like a lot of PPs have said, school is not necessarily worth more than all that to my daughter.

And to those who take issue with my calling it a sacrifice, I completely agree. I recognise my privilege in this situation and know that, quite undeservedly, I am a lot more fortunate than so many people, and I will not lose sight of that.

Don't commit to fees unless you're absolutely sure you can manage it. You've no guarantee the free places will get reinstated. Many schools offer reduced fees for staff children, but completely free is fairly rare, I think, so I doubt they'd go back to free places.

You're probably better to move her now, rather than risk having to move her later. The advantages of private are usually greater later on anyway, so if you might be able to afford a few years but not indefinitely, save the money now.

If the school is really struggling, there's always a chance that your job might go, of course.

However if you decide to try and stick with it, it might be worth talking to the bursar about the up-front payment; it may be that they can come to an arrangement about that one, so that you pay it in instalments coming out of your salary - they would be guaranteed it was coming, which is obviously the main reason they want fees in advance.

I'd be v surprised if free places are reinstated any time soon, for two reasons - (1) due to covid damage to the economy, I suspect fewer parents will choose private education, so school fee income will drop and (2) if at least some staff pay to keep their children at the school, then school won't want to lose that

If paying just one year's fees will exhaust your savings, then I would say she needs to move to the state school

On MN, it appears that some people think all state schools are feral despite where nobody receives an education. So not true

I think children tend to adjust better to school moves when they’re younger - things like friendship groups are more fluid.

And I also share pp’s concerns about the free places not being reinstated. If they’ve gone from completely free to you paying 100%, then that’s a big change - and if the staff show that they’re willing to continue sending their DC there on full fees, why would the school go back to completely free?
It might be worth asking about whether there could be a discount, but I would go forward on the assumption that totally free fees won’t be coming back, and consider whether you could afford to pay full fees for the rest of your DC’s time at the private school, bearing in mind things like fee increases etc.
If it’s not going to be manageable for you to fund that, I’d be inclined to move her sooner rather than later.

I've worked as a teacher in private schools for many years. The time to spend your money is sixth form or, if you can afford it, the whole of secondary. If there's a decent state primary down the road I'd go for that, to be honest I would go for that even if I could afford private prep fees. I think its good for kids to get a broad experience, and as a teacher yourself OP you are more than capable of filling in any gaps or areas that you think need work on with your child.

In contractual terms, the free school places have never been mentioned. It's always been an informal agreement, so I suppose it's a case of more fool me for relying on something like that. I have always been aware of it, but a lot of my colleagues have had kids there right through so I went for it hoping that this situation would never arise. More fool me for creating the risk for myself. it doesn’t matter if it’s written down. You could reasonably expect it to continue and others have set the precedent. I’d speak to your union/solicitor. The situation IS an indication of a sinking school though so I’d be very wary.

As someone who went to a state grammar school in a posh area, I found it very isolating that my family did not have the disposible spending money that other families do. For that reason alone I wouldn't send a child of mine to a school at such great expense that we couldn't afford the luxuries that all her schoolmates families can.

If I was the teacher there I'd be keen to try and keep my kids there. That said they are arse holes for removing the free place once your daughter started there. Can you trust them? Is it worth creating a fuss.

My children went to state and private primary schools and 100% the private school was no worth the money at all. If I had the time again with the knowledge of hindsight I would have moved them to another state primary.
IME it is more about the child than the school.

No bursar will go "hmm, shall we kick out paying kids and give up £xxx income, to give free places to staff kids...?"

Doesn't really sound like the kind of school that is full, does it...?

Worth reading the section on "custom and practice" as is seems it may apply to you

www.acas.org.uk/what-an-employment-contract-is

I think the later you leave a move, the more difficult it will be.

I am minded of the lyrics in Springsteen's My home town.

Foreman says these jobs are going boys and they 'aint never coming back.

I can't see the perk coming back to be quite honest.

This talk of needing an upfront wadge of cash really does make me worry about cashflow issues.

I'd fear a worst case scenario where the school goes bust before the first day of term, you lose your job, school place and cash.

@Theemptyvase

Thank you all so much for your replies. It has been incredibly helpful to read through them all. To the PP who is having troubles with the busary, and the one who was so affected by the upheaval of moving so much, I really hope that things get better

In contractual terms, the free school places have never been mentioned. It's always been an informal agreement, so I suppose it's a case of more fool me for relying on something like that. I have always been aware of it, but a lot of my colleagues have had kids there right through so I went for it hoping that this situation would never arise. More fool me for creating the risk for myself.

Looking at the terms of the fee payment for the school, it seems they need a decent-sized payment up front, which is even more problematic than the monthly cost. To find the money, we'll have to cancel our holiday (it has free cancellation due to Covid), cancel DDs extra-curricular music and swimming classes, and start cutting corners everywhere. Like a lot of PPs have said, school is not necessarily worth more than all that to my daughter.

And to those who take issue with my calling it a sacrifice, I completely agree. I recognise my privilege in this situation and know that, quite undeservedly, I am a lot more fortunate than so many people, and I will not lose sight of that.

If all you have to do to keep her at a school she loves is 'cut corners', I'd cut corners tbh.

So are they expecting to be able to fill your daughter’s place with a new pupil joining directly into Year 2?

You must have colleagues in the same position- what do they say?
How would you explain to your daughter that she has to leave but you are still working there?

What pp said above about the contractual thing is right- not all contractual terms have to be written down. Did you sign anything when you enrolled her in which they reserved the right to withdraw the place at any time?

I think I’d go back to them and negotiate given that it’s been part of your pay, they are effectively giving you a pay cut! Like others have said you are in a strong position because if parents learn that teachers are removing their children it wouldn’t look great. Are they asking full fees? I’d suggest to school that you could only afford 50% of fees and you’d really hate to have to remove your child and it create a wave of children leaving… which might actually cost the school more ….

Can you ask for a discount? Maybe a middle ground?

If all you have to do to keep her at a school she loves is 'cut corners', I'd cut corners tbh.
I would too. It's not unusual for parents to 'sacrifice' some luxuries for their child's education, whether it's privately or to move to catchment area where the house prices are inflated.

@Basil2021

I've worked as a teacher in private schools for many years. The time to spend your money is sixth form or, if you can afford it, the whole of secondary. If there's a decent state primary down the road I'd go for that, to be honest I would go for that even if I could afford private prep fees. I think its good for kids to get a broad experience, and as a teacher yourself OP you are more than capable of filling in any gaps or areas that you think need work on with your child.

I so agree with this. In primary it is very straightforward to help your children with their schoolwork. To do extra reading, math etc.

During primary getting them into good habits of doing their homework carefully and well in a timely manner, sets them up for success secondary.

Lots of constant little weekly test get them into the habit of learning spellings and revising.

Every bit of support you give them in primary to help them be confident in their ability, and to do their best, will pay huge dividends in secondary IMO.

Primary schooling is a partnership with parents.

In secondary school you are dependent more on the environment and standards of teaching.