Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

Yes, but cutting corners here is asking a SIX YEAR OLD to give up music classes, swimming and possibly missing out on day trips, events, visits etc. She might not be able to go on the school trips that "everyone" will go on. She might not be able to join the paid activity that her two friends are on... Etc.

And the OP still needs to consider what happens at secondary, will they all of a sudden have doubled their income magically in 5 years time?

I created a thread with a related dilemma. I was in a similar situation. We were on full bursaries which have gradually been chipped away at.

It’s not just the fees in private education but everything that goes with it. Our children sometimes feel as though we are poor. My heart broke when a child said “they were giving out leaflets about holiday clubs but I didn’t get you one because I know we cannot afford it.

They’ve previously nagged me to go on all sorts, I’ve got one desperate to go on a week’s kayaking course with her friends at £45 a day which is impossible and I’ve had to explain we cannot do it. That literally every spare penny goes on fees, something which we are happy to do for them but we cannot just go to McDonalds for example. Everything is strictly budgeted.

I don’t want to go into the ins and outs of why my children are in the private system (and we cannot realistically move them) but it’s not because we think state schools are feral.

A lot of the parents or mums at least, don’t work, have enormous amounts of disposable income and it does massively add to the pressure.

I know we are doing the right thing by our children and their needs, but it’s bloody tough and if I had my time again I do wonder if the stress is worth it.

One advantage of private schools often being charities is you can look at the accounts by doing a charity search
register-of-charities.charitycommission.gov.uk/charity-search

If the school is really struggling it will be apparent here. Then I would look to move her.

If the school is doing ok I would speak to union to get advise as an employer can’t just change terms (even unwritten ones) without consultation etc.... Though it is strange it isn’t written into the contract, which is standard practise.

@IPacificallySaid

If all you have to do to keep her at a school she loves is 'cut corners', I'd cut corners tbh. I would too. It's not unusual for parents to 'sacrifice' some luxuries for their child's education, whether it's privately or to move to catchment area where the house prices are inflated.

As above, it's the child that will have to sacrifice enrichment activities....

I genuinely wouldn't clear out any savings for primary private education. the education that really matters is GCSE and A level. If you need and want to, that is the time to pay for private.

It is unsettling to move schools but lots of children do it and cope. If there is a good state primary near you she is likely to make local friends too.

Due to covid damage to the economy, I suspect fewer parents will choose private education, so school fee income will drop

That’s far from the case around here. If anything I’ve heard of more families in our village opting for prep from September after an abysmal year in state. And in our school 3 new families have joined in the last 6 weeks alone.

I honestly think this is appalling that they've had to cut free places for staff children. It's basically saying that they don't value you as staff members. I'd move her and / or look for a new job.

Difficult decison though.

Plus the kids from the schools that didn't survive will go somewhere

You say you can afford yo send her, but it will mean cutting back on things, that's good, as you have to decide what your priorities are.
But, what about the school trips , after school activities? Will you be able to afford those on top?

@SpaceRaiders

Due to covid damage to the economy, I suspect fewer parents will choose private education, so school fee income will drop

That’s far from the case around here. If anything I’ve heard of more families in our village opting for prep from September after an abysmal year in state. And in our school 3 new families have joined in the last 6 weeks alone.

And if they lose their jobs, the kids will change schools again. You’d have to be 100% cast iron certain your financial situation won’t change in the next however many years to do this. I think the economic after effects of covid are going to be way worse than most people are anticipating, much as I’d love to be proved wrong.

I agree, horrendous way to treat staff with such short notice. The fees upfront definitely rings alarm bells. I presume there aren’t many members is staff there with children, hence why they’ve taken this kind of stance.

A small private primary near me almost went under recently due to financial constraints. I think it got bought out at the 11th hour.

Round here, where most primaries are very well regarded (at least by ofsted!) you are paying to keep out the riffraff and to be schools with children of teachers, doctors and other middle class professionals. Not for the teachers to deal with a disruptive child who needs additional help which funding isn't available for.

In secondary you are paying more for the education and results.

I would move her.

As a teacher you'll be aware that the most important influence on a child's education is the engagement of their parents. Send her to a normnal school, she'll thrive with your support.She may even turn out a more rounded person because of it.

Can you not talk to your head about this? I am in a similar situation and pay a very small amount for my 3 dc to go. (First DC free, siblings heavily discounted).

There is no guarantee that the school would fill the place. And I agree that your daughter should not have to go through the trauma of changing schools and 'suck it up'. Logistically it is also much better for you as an employee, and your HR should consider that.

I would discuss the situation with my head and see what arrangements could be done.

Good luck!

Bit if they make arrangements for OP, they'd have to make the same arrangement for all other staff.

This won't have been an overnight decision...

Tbh unless the state option is shit I wouldn’t pay for private for another year knowing that it may not be sustainable longer term. I agree with doing your best for your child but IMO it’s cutting it too tight if you’d be unable to save anything and have to cut out pretty much all discretionary spending . I know plenty of people don’t have savings but it sounds like you currently can and I think giving up having a financial safety net is a step too far.

Regarding dd you’d be putting all your eggs in one basket in terms of her friendship groups, extracurricular activities and so on because you’re going to be entirely reliant on school for these things if you can’t afford to pay for anything other than her school fees.
I always prefer dc to have friendship groups and clubs that are separate from school so that even if school friends fall out (as they do!) they still have other friends and interests.
I also think pps make a valid point regarding finding money for the trips and various extras that lots of her classmates will be able to take for granted. She might end up feeling like she doesn’t fit in.

I’d much prefer to have her in a state school and be able to pay for the ‘nice to haves’ that make life pleasant for all the family. Imo the money you’d spend on fees would be better used to pay for clubs/hobbies, holidays and day trips and you could still save for private 6th form in the future. I’d bite the bullet now.

I think you’re being unreasonable but not nearly as unreasonable as the school is being: it’s appalling to treat a student and member of staff in the way that they are treating you.

I’d be looking for alternative employment ASAP

I moved countries when I was 8 and it worked out fine. My older teenage siblings found it more difficult. They made friends but it was hard to accept having to leave friends they had known since they started school. I think the younger children are the easier it is to make friends and move on. If you pay the fees now and then have to move later it will be harder on you financially and harder on your DC emotionally.

My children moved continents early in primary, then to a totally new part of the country at the end of primary.
They're not particularly outgoing but they did ok

Oh gosh, please don't take her out of all of her extra curricular activities, OP. They'll do her the world of good. She will be fine in a state school - honestly.

I am just shaking my head at the usual bitter jealousy.

I'm always bemused by the posts from people who assume that others must be bitter or jealous of them simply because they have a different opinion. I have no reason to be bitter or jealous. If I had wanted dd to go to a private school, I would have sent her to one - we are fortunate enough to have been in a position where we could have afforded it quite comfortably. However, we did our own cost- benefit allowance and decided that it wasn't worth the investment, because we were confident that dd would thrive and do every bit as well in the state sector. And experience has proved that this was indeed the right decision for us. You made a different decision which was hopefully the right decision for you and your dc. I have absolutely no reason to feel bitter or jealous about the fact that I saved a whole ton of money on school fees and got outstanding outcomes anyway. Why would I?

@AlexaShutUp quite. If anything it's just showing OP there's another perfectly sustainable route. She did come on to ask for opinions.
We too could have but didn't pay. Honestly not jealous of people who feel they must for whatever reason.

Cost benefit analysis, obviously.

@PegasusReturns

I think you’re being unreasonable but not nearly as unreasonable as the school is being: it’s appalling to treat a student and member of staff in the way that they are treating you.

I’d be looking for alternative employment ASAP

So, the company pays for your child's school fees for X years... Counts for nothing?

Good luck trying to find another school that pays 100% of staff kids fees 👍

The missing out on enrichment activities is huge. Education isn’t just about the academic results but the whole person.

The main benefits of private schools are smaller class sizes and better sports facilities.

I wish mine had been able to go to state primaries - we moved midway through a year due to a job situation and sent them all private because we couldn’t get them all in a state school.

If there’s a decent state primary near you I would switch. Year 3 is a natural transition point anyway.