Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

Private primary is a waste of money, unless very rich

Tho you can afford it now, just less luxuries

What happens when goes to secondary school. Fees increase lots

Take her out now for state

Now her free place has gone via you, it won’t come back so this dilemma will happen again in a year or two

@IDidNotSignUpForThis

Ps despite working in a private school I personally don’t think it is worth the massive financial investment for most students. Unless you are absolutely minted and money is no object consider very carefully. Admittedly we have planned carefully to be in catchment for outstanding state primary and secondary schools. We are saving heavily for our DCs future - university/ further Ed./ flat deposits etc. All things to consider perhaps, OP?

With house prices being what they are I completely agree. A private education does not guarantee a job that will be enough for a mortgage (or that their chosen career is enough for one).

They will need a home, they don’t need a private education.

I think you'll have to do an in-year application to get her in to state school now so you might not have your pick of schools - I'd speak to your county council to assess where places might come up.

Shockingly awful timing by your employer. This should have been discussed months ago.

@Maggiesfarm

As your daughter has settled and is doing well now, I would keep her at the school. You may find that it is not as difficult as you anticipate and, presumably, your salaries will go up from time to time.

Please don't think in terms of 'sacrificing' and certainly never use that word to your daughter. This is your choice, not hers. Later on she may appreciate it very much but 'sacrifice' is a heavy word, makes children feel guilty and forever in your debt. Do it with a smile.

I hope she continues to do well and, who knows, when she is ready to go to big school she may win a scholarship or bursary, or get a grammar school place.

Take care of yourselves and good luck.

Agree with this... My mother still harps on about the sacrifices she made.... no holidays (she's obsessed with that) or other treats... I left school more than 30 years ago... For her it was very much about sending her children to private school rather than the quality of education or what they may gain from it.... And after 30 years apparently I'm still not grateful enough 🙄

It was never free- it was a taxable benefit- so based on that how much will it actually cost as your salary will rise as no deduction.

I can never understand the English obsession with private school. Is it a class thing? Keeping up with the Jones or wanting to be 'seen' a certain way?

It's the usual hypocrisy - private schools are "for show"

but moving and over-spending on an inflated mortgage to be in the right catchment is fine.

To be clear, I don't disagree with doing either, I think as a parent your job is to provide the best for your child. I am just shaking my head at the usual bitter jealousy.

I'd pay the fees for the next year and review at the end of it.
It does seem a bit drastic for your employer to have gone from zero to full fees though - you'd have thought they might have at least gone halfway first!

My DC are at Private Secondary school so I say this with no anti Private bias but what you are doing is crazy. Unless your State School is awful there is no need for Private Primary at all. I appreciate it will be hard for you to teach other children when yours has had to leave but I don’t see what other option you havev
It was always a risky strategy relying on a free place, especially if it could be withdrawn. I know dc with teacher parents and they generally get 50% off rather than full fees and what your school is doing is pretty shitty to be honest. I would also be concerned about my job if I were you as our DCs school is booming and had to add an extra Y7 class last September

You’re going to know what’s best for your child, OP.

I would say that this sounds incredibly shoddy behaviour from the school/your employer. Especially without any mitigation in terms of salary sacrifice, a % of fees at first etc.

If it’s a small school and I were a parent of a child there, it would definitely ring alarm bells for me re the health of the schools finances and the potential for losing good members of staff.

Wow, some of the comments!!

My lovely boy was lost in state primary. He was anxious and overlooked. He barely accessed the curriculum because he was in a class of 30 children, some of whom had very high needs. The catchment area was one of the highest in the country index of deprivation and the general community was not pro-education or aspirational.

We moved him to a tiny independent. There are 60 something kids in the whole school. There are 7 kids in his class ( in fact that's the whole of year 6) The fees are not what I'd call outrageous. It's around 6k a year and for that he's part of a lovely family of kids who are mostly well behaved and motivated. There's nothing snobby about it at all. It's a very down to earth place and all of the parents are ordinary folks who are making sacrifices to enable their kids to have a better experience.

DS's confidence, happiness, achievement everything has blossomed. He skips into school and back out again and his contentment makes everything in my world right. There's no academic hot housing, it's just a sweet, caring school where everyone matters.

I only regret that I waited till he was on his knees in year 4. I wish I'd sent him years earlier instead of hoping and trusting in a school that made him miserable.

Better to move her now. Too risky to keep her there, get a free place, loose it again, etc.

She is young, she will settle

@Simbacatisback

It was never free- it was a taxable benefit- so based on that how much will it actually cost as your salary will rise as no deduction.

This is incorrect. The taxable benefit is the incremental cost of providing the place - practically zero. This is well established in tax law.

I voted yabu, but think maybe it's not that straightforward.

Could you negotiate with the school?

If they're low on pupils could paying 50% of fees be a win/win. They get some money they wouldn't otherwise have. Your daughter gets to stay.

Just want to offer you a hug! It's such a difficult decision and such horrible timing. I know first hand how diverse mumnset could be. As PP rightfully said there is such a vast range of users on this website now and such a vast range of advices for you to consider.

If I understood correctly, you are a teacher at a private school and you earn enough to pay for the tuition fee by foregoing certain luxuries. if I were you there would be a couple things to consider.

• how likely is the school going to resume free places for teacher's children? I can imagine it's quite an attraction for teachers to apply for this school, hopefully things will pick up soon.
• you mentioned you have to forgo a few luxuries. Am I right to assume such monies are meant to be spent rather than saved? If that's the case then it should not be such a issue in the short run.

To me, given the information at hand, it sounds like you are in a good position to pay for the tuition fee and as a teacher you would know how important education is and you would know the difference between schools (not just private vs state as not all privates or states are equal).
You are hardly starving yourself by foregoing the luxuries, and a few luxuries which are meant to be consumable would not magically turn into a downpayment for a house! I suggest you pay for the fees for one year or two, if the school does not bounce back then look at your options again.

Reading between the lines, I think your school is in a pretty dire financial situation. Work on the assumption that free places will not be reintroduced. The best you can hope for is a discount.

Move DD and get her settled sooner rather than later, and start looking for a new job for yourself. You have been given a canary in the coal mine and you need to do both of these things before there is a flood of both students and staff looking for places elsewhere if the school closes.

Oh gosh!

We were here. In this situation. I applied for a bursary and it was one of the most horrific experiences I’ve ever been through. Some years later I’m not over something that happened.

Because of what happened. I had no option but to either carry on and give my children trauma at the school. It take them out

I took them out and home school them. We would of had three schools fees which we could afford. But like you. We’d be so stuck with nothing extra for some foreseeable 16 years. That we decided we’d try home education. If that didn’t work. We’d do the sacrifice.

It was worth it. What happened at the private school scarred me. It’s a business at the end of the day. They don’t really care about your child. Unless you’ve got the money to back it up and I wouldn’t advise it myself.

@OnTheSeaShore

Wow, some of the comments!!

My lovely boy was lost in state primary. He was anxious and overlooked. He barely accessed the curriculum because he was in a class of 30 children, some of whom had very high needs. The catchment area was one of the highest in the country index of deprivation and the general community was not pro-education or aspirational.

We moved him to a tiny independent. There are 60 something kids in the whole school. There are 7 kids in his class ( in fact that's the whole of year 6) The fees are not what I'd call outrageous. It's around 6k a year and for that he's part of a lovely family of kids who are mostly well behaved and motivated. There's nothing snobby about it at all. It's a very down to earth place and all of the parents are ordinary folks who are making sacrifices to enable their kids to have a better experience.

DS's confidence, happiness, achievement everything has blossomed. He skips into school and back out again and his contentment makes everything in my world right. There's no academic hot housing, it's just a sweet, caring school where everyone matters.

I only regret that I waited till he was on his knees in year 4. I wish I'd sent him years earlier instead of hoping and trusting in a school that made him miserable.

6k a year and only 60 kids - I cannot get my head around how on earth the financials stack up for the school with the fees this low and the low number of pupils 🤔

@Nocutenamesleft

Oh gosh!

We were here. In this situation. I applied for a bursary and it was one of the most horrific experiences I’ve ever been through. Some years later I’m not over something that happened.

Because of what happened. I had no option but to either carry on and give my children trauma at the school. It take them out

I took them out and home school them. We would of had three schools fees which we could afford. But like you. We’d be so stuck with nothing extra for some foreseeable 16 years. That we decided we’d try home education. If that didn’t work. We’d do the sacrifice.

It was worth it. What happened at the private school scarred me. It’s a business at the end of the day. They don’t really care about your child. Unless you’ve got the money to back it up and I wouldn’t advise it myself.

What happened?

You got a bursary but they stopped it? Did they give a reason why

If the school is at the stage of withdrawing free places for staff, I’d be seriously concerned about the financial position of the school.

You’ve been very lucky, I’ve heard of generous discounts but never no fees for staff. IMO if dc is happy and thriving there, then you suck it up and find the money in the short term.

@RealBecca

In your case i would consider challenging the removal of your free place as a change of contract- what proportion of reduction of salary are teachers without school places taking? If none then id speak to your union.

There os no way your child will get a free space back- if they backfill her with a paying student then that is a paid place that will always be kept as a paid place.

Id also be looking at whether they are currently advertising any vacancies with this perk. How can they no longer afford to fund your daughter's free space then its not due to covid- we are at the back end of furlough and things are due to go back to BAU. They are using covid as a weak excuse, the financial issue for them would have bitten long ago.

Some schools have reserves of money which has seen them through covid. But, with the probable loss of fee paying students as well as having to fund free places for staff. Maybe the school is actually just financially screwed and cannot afford to have x number of kids there for free?

Going to the unions...What good would that do? It will either get nowhere, or force the school to take free students... and then what happens in two years when they declare bankruptcy and the OP has no job AND the kid has to leave school?

And besides I have no idea how OP thinks they're going to afford secondary school for her if they can't pay the prep fees without significant sacrifice.

6k a year and only 60 kids - I cannot get my head around how on earth the financials stack up for the school with the fees this low and the low number of pupils

I was wondering about this too. Presumably the fees are also even cheaper lower down the school. It doesn't sound very financially viable to be honest.

Scraping the bottom of the barrel to afford school fees is not necessary.

Going without luxuries and not having savings as per op's first post isn't scraping the bottom of the barrel imo.

It seems like you really want her to stay at the private school, so do that at least for another year.

Honestly, I think paying school fees for primary school is bonkers, especially if you're having to sacrifice so much.

Secondary, absolutely can be worth it though, so I'd be saving for that and putting her in a state primary at present.

Choices not sacrifices
Honestly, this talk of sacrifice (has cropped up regularly in this thread) is nonsense and completely over-egging it.
You make a CHOICE to pay.