Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

@Glovesick

Not RTWT but I think you should consult and employment lawyer. I think it may be arguable that the free school place for your children may be a term of your contract that the school cannot unilaterally withdraw.

Terms do not need to be in writing, they can be acquired through custom and practice.

See a lawyer then you will know how strong your argument is and whether to push it.

And then bankrupt the school and lose your job and school place 👍

The OP has said that 10% of kids are not fee paying. And that's only the staff kids, she mentions full bursaries. So presumably there's around 15% of kids not paying to be there.

No wonder the school are looking for ways to keep everyone in a job and the school running. They're missing out on probably £100,000+ per year.

She's 6 She'll be fine in state. Personally I really don't think there is much of an educational benefit to go private at primary school. It's purely parental preference

And yes I absolutely don't agree with teachers getting free school places. Irrelevant that it is not taking a place away from another child, the fact is that if they didn't fund a teachers child place they could fund a less well off child

Great. My dds have learnt those things as well as getting 8s and 9s in their GCSES. That's the magic of private school

Well, not really. Plenty of kids in the state sector get all 8s and 9s too. There is no magic to it, unless you're saying that you don't think your dds actually deserved those grades?

Weird. If the school have such a high proportion of staff pupils currently not paying and being expected to pay full fees from next term, they risk losing lots of them. Then they’ve got disgruntled and stressed staff and fewer bums on seats.

It would be better for them financially to ask for 50% fees.

Ask your colleagues what they’re doing. If you all go to the bursar and Head I would expect a better resolution.

@00100001

The OP has said that 10% of kids are not fee paying. And that's only the staff kids, she mentions full bursaries. So presumably there's around 15% of kids not paying to be there.

No wonder the school are looking for ways to keep everyone in a job and the school running. They're missing out on probably £100,000+ per year.

Not to mention the subsidy from the parents paying full fees. If I was making sacrifices to pay school fees and subsidising other people’s kids, I’d be really cross. Especially if the subsidised parents could afford luxuries I couldn’t.

If I was making sacrifices to pay school fees and subsidising other people’s kids, I’d be really cross

You’d really begrudge the staff who were teaching your DC having the opportunity to provide their own DC with the same level of education as your DC?!

That’s a pretty miserable way to approach life.

Op I have not read the whole thread but it also depends on your dc personality, some dc find smaller more homely private schools with smaller classes so much more easy to cope with.

If your dc is quite robust and reading well etc....

then perhaps go for it, but if they need more support, struggle a little and so on it maybe worth doing all you can to stay private. You are also not battling that " we have 30 in a class "culture that some schools have.

Yes I would if I was going without holidays and luxuries and they weren’t because I was subsidising them. Who wouldn’t?

If I was making sacrifices to pay school fees and subsidising other people’s kids, I’d be really cross

Staff usually get a discount rather than free but one thing you can do is choose where to spend your money so if free spaces irritate choose another school. If you have a few to go for

I’d move her sooner rather than later. Why let her embed those friendships etc for a further year to take them away later anyway?

I personally wouldn’t break the bank to pay school fees, unless I could afford it comfortably I wouldn’t do it.

Forgoing other things at the expense of a private school place IMO is not the way to go. Kids get more and more expensive as they get older and not being able to afford extra luxuries would be tough.

I have a very shy and sensitive child who I moved school in year 3. We moved area. I had the choice to leave him at the primary he was at and move at secondary (which my eldest did, but is not shy or reserved like their sibling). Or move then so he could make friends ready for secondary.

It was tough as he had a very very best friend at his old school he had to leave behind and they were inseparable.

However he adapted and has been better for it. It took him a good year to settle in and it’s had it’s ups and downs but he’s more resilient for the move and more sociable too. He still sees his best mate from the old school and appreciates it more and when they get together it’s like they’ve never been apart!

I don't understand why teacher kids going to that school are suddenly 'subsidizing'?
For us, it's seen as logistically a better things for staff. Staff who are happy are more likely to stay. Staff whose children are in the school are personally invested, and more likely to stay.

Teachers who are more likely to stay, are better for the school.
You could say it's a perk of the job. Do you begrudge Tesco workers getting discounts on their Shopping? Or gym employees getting free memberships? Of course not. It's exactly the same.
It's quite simple really.

I don't get all the private school bashing. It's quite ridiculous really. It's not all Eton!
They are just normal schools. My sister works in a state school and the difference is the resources and budget made available to the teaching staff and classes.
That's a government issue, not the fault of the staff or the families. If you want everyone to have the same start in life... write to your MP. But ultimately we have the right to make our choices according to our situations and lifestyle, which is not all the same. Because we are not communists. And investing in a child's education is not a bad thing, if that is how you choose to spend your money. People should not be bashed for it.

All the families in my school, from different walks of life. We are all one community and we all work together, as any school should.

And FWIW my 11 year old only moved across to my school earlier this year. She was bullied since the beginning of term, to the point of feeling suicidal and the teachers did nothing to protect her. Until this point, we had no problems in the local school, but I could not sit back and watch her suffer so I talked to my boss and we made arrangements. I am incredibly grateful that I was in a position to do that, and she is flourishing.

I don't understand why teacher kids going to that school are suddenly 'subsidizing'?

It’s not sudden. Surely it’s obvious that someone has to pay for those free places? And equally obvious that it’s fee paying parents who are providing the money. That’s called subsidising.

It’s not subsidising, it’s a benefit the teacher gets as part of their employment.

@PegasusReturns

It’s not subsidising, it’s a benefit the teacher gets as part of their employment.

And who’s paying for that benefit? Where’s the money coming from?

Blossomtoes do you feel the same about bursary and scholarship kids? What a mean minded, petty way to think. Teachers salaries, even if they are higher in private (which they aren't always, certainly not in mine) are not generally commensurate with being able to pay full fees. So how about we all F off to a better paid career and then there won't BE a private school for you to send your child to. Or, as in my case, I still can't afford the fees; my kids go to the local OK school but I can't commit fully to the club the students really want me to run for two hours after school til 6 because my kids finish at 3 and they are in between ages of needing childcare (which I can't afford anyway) and being ok for long periods alone. Giving teachers the means to have their kids on site means in practical terms they are MUCH more able to go above and beyond for their students (ie your kid) . I guarantee you that the numbers involved are not going to make the slightest difference to your fees and if the margins really were that tight I doubt the school would be financially viable anyway. Also - you are "subsidising" all the state schools you're not using also. Are you in a snit about that too?

Is it a benefit in kind like if you have a company car or private health insurance, both of which are (rightly) taxed?

My painfully shy boy not only did quite well in normal schools, as he managed to survive a change of country, school system, and language.

At 6 they are still very adaptable.
It's the teenage years that are more complicated, IMO.

shallIswim until this year most of it could come from gross salary but then law changed so it now comes out of net which makes quite a big difference. Bearing in mind that any child at a private school is one less that doesn't have to be catered for in the state system, there's quite a nasty attitude here - how bloody dare someone get a bit of a perk that not everyone has? And for that perk to involve private school is like MN dynamite, in various directions - an unnecessary, divisive evil; a purely for show-offs pointless status symbol; a highly desirable thing but I can't have it so why should you? Its sad really. The OP is trying to work out what is best for HER child. Just because someone else's was fine swapping out schools, doesn't mean her's will be, or that she might be fine but would be BETTER left in situ.

@HugeAckmansWife I asked an innocent question. Which I think you've answered so thank you.
I guess tho you could argue that private health insurance does the same - takes pressure off NHS wait lists. Yet that benefit is still taxed (rightly imo)

Can you really afford this for the next 10/12 years? You need to look beyond the immediate issue and make a longer term plan

how bloody dare someone get a bit of a perk that not everyone has?

I’m not sure if you’re being disingenuous or if you’ve completely missed the point.

Some of the fee paying parents I know make considerable sacrifices to send their kids to a private school. They go without holidays, drive old bangers and do without luxuries to afford those fees, just as OP says she’d have to without this “perk”.

On what planet is it fair for those parents to foot the bill for other people’s children when it means the beneficiaries can afford things they have to do without?

Incidentally I have no skin in this game, we only have adult children.

And who’s paying for that benefit? Where’s the money coming from?

The same place as the rest of their remuneration comes from. I certainly don’t begrudge teachers receiving their salary. Do you?

@PegasusReturns

And who’s paying for that benefit? Where’s the money coming from?

The same place as the rest of their remuneration comes from. I certainly don’t begrudge teachers receiving their salary. Do you?

Not in the slightest but that’s not we’re talking about, is it?

Incidentally I have no skin in this game, we only have adult children

Ok so I do have skin in the game. I have 4 DC in fee paying schools. I don’t know what arrangements the schools make with the teachers who have DC in the school but it wouldn’t occur to me to feel resentful of any benefits they receive.

I want the schools my DC go to to attract the best teachers, who are engaged and committed to the success of the school. I imagine that having their children in the school would enhance the likelihood of that.