Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

No it’s really not jealousy

We did prep / state and I think losing extracurricular for a fine alternative isn’t worth it

Plus I think that the op shouldn’t feel bad about taking the couple of years. As her dc has benefited and she may well find that she is better now in state than previously,

@00100001

So, the company pays for your child's school fees for X years... Counts for nothing?

I didn’t say it counts for nothing but part of a decent education is consistency, stability and security. It’s pretty disgusting to pull the plug on a benefit of that magnitude, given the obvious human impact it will have.

Finding another job isn’t simply about finding a school that will offer a similar perk. It’s about avoiding working for a school that’s a) in its dying throes and b) thinks so little if it’s staff and their children

I went to private school and my kids are at state. I cannot imagine sacrificing all the extras for private school. No way. Extra curricular/days out/holidays are so important if you are fortunate enough to afford them.

[quote PegasusReturns]@00100001

So, the company pays for your child's school fees for X years... Counts for nothing?

I didn’t say it counts for nothing but part of a decent education is consistency, stability and security. It’s pretty disgusting to pull the plug on a benefit of that magnitude, given the obvious human impact it will have.

Finding another job isn’t simply about finding a school that will offer a similar perk. It’s about avoiding working for a school that’s a) in its dying throes and b) thinks so little if it’s staff and their children[/quote]
Yes, bit it's not OPs school's responsibility to keep that free place for the child.

OP should have considered what may have happened if she was unable to work there for any reason.

You have no idea what the school have tried to do to keep the free places...

Yes, bit it's not OPs school's responsibility to keep that free place for the child.

I disagree. If is a customary element if her employment then it’s their responsibility in the same way paying her is their responsibility.

You have no idea what the school have tried to do to keep the free places...

Who cares?! This is about the OP. The treatment is shoddy and it’s the sign of a sinking ship. Teh OP should jump and quickly.

@VorpalSword

One advantage of private schools often being charities is you can look at the accounts by doing a charity search register-of-charities.charitycommission.gov.uk/charity-search

If the school is really struggling it will be apparent here. Then I would look to move her.

If the school is doing ok I would speak to union to get advise as an employer can’t just change terms (even unwritten ones) without consultation etc.... Though it is strange it isn’t written into the contract, which is standard practise.

That link’s really interesting, I’ve been looking up all the private schools near me.

Most of them made a profit, some bigger than others, but there’s one of them that’s reported losses of over quarter of a million in their last report

I’d keep her where she is and make sacrifices. Regardless of the private or state school situation, if the child
Is thriving where she is, I would keep her where she is. The kids have had enough disruption in the last two years and I think we are going to have another disruptive winter on the cards.
The less disruption the better.

Btw, for people having a go at the OP occupying a free place, having worked abroad, I know that many private schools offer free places for all the children of the staff who work at the school as one of the perks.

I still think the OP is jumping the gun here.

Surely, a week or so before the end of term, the school has not suddenly told her that her child has to leave or fees need paying from Sept?

@Theemptyvase Have you actually spoken to your Head and made your case? I get the impression you are just sucking this up without challenging it at all.

What would they say or do if by a remote chance you handed in your notice and took yourself and your DD to another school?

id move her now, then save for private school for 11+/high school?

primary is a waste of money for private

Hi OP - I haven't read the whole thread but wanted to tell you my experience. DD went through a private primary - yes it was lovely but at the end of the day it cost a huge amount of money and really wasn't worth it. She grew in confidence - from a shy little thing to a quirky, cool kid - but some of that was also down to extracurricular stuff we encouraged her to do and simply her developing personality.
She point blank refused to join a private secondary - claimed it was too small, too sheltered, too cliquey and not like the real world - none of which I can disable with. She goes to a bog-standard academy, is easily in the top set and seems to love it. When I look back now, I think she'd have been just as happy at a good state school.

Honestly, it's not the be all and end all. Parents of kids in private schools sometimes seem to think it's hugely important, but that's perhaps because they're so emotionally and financially invested. DD only went private because her DF could easily afford it - if it had meant a hit in the overall quality of family life I wouldn't even have considered it.

A good prep school will prepare a child for 11+ and, when the time comes, she can apply for entry to a grammar school, if there is one not too far away, or a scholarship or bursary at a good private.

It's worth doing if you can manage it.

It does not sound sustainable for the school to offer "free" places or even discounted ones. I would be very doubtful they would be reinstated in future, assuming the school survived, especially since they are not even offering to phase the cost in , want upfront deposits and have left it so late to tell you. How many staff children are there, presumably affected by this.

If you're a teacher at the school how is it going to work if your DD is at a school with different hours? The state school day is often shorter than private, even if there is an early breakfast club will you have to leave early to pick her up? Surely the point of the free place for staff children is to avoid all that?

I think you need to be careful about paying to keep her there - that would take away any incentive for the school to reinstate the free place.

But it's really hard on your DD. Would you think of getting a job in the state school she would go to? Would that help her?

OP- I have a friend working in a private school. Every non teacher job is a race between parents for a fee reduction. They all sit in the staff room talking about how many years they have left.

In contrast I work with schools with very qualified support staff who go above and beyond for every child who needs them. Lots of children thrive in state schools with the right support at home.

My niece left a well thought of private school last year for university. Her parents thought she could not cope in state school and one wage went on fees. She was discouraged from taking exams because she would bring the average down. She also has been so protected from real life cannot really cope.

Think very carefully, I know we want to protect our children. Private school is brutal in different ways to a good state school. We are the poor relation but my DD is in a good state school. She is capable and will do well. She is able to interact and feel comfortable with people from all backgrounds. This is not only because of school but I am so proud of how teens within the state schools I work in are challenging injustice and think beyond exams.

I wouldn’t in your shoes because

1. if the school is struggling her school place will be the least of your worries. You wouldn’t want them to go under losing your job and any upfront fees
2. the things you’d miss out on would be too much for me. I wouldn’t choose private prep over swimming lessons, days out etc
3. you’re a teacher so will be very well equipped to help your child, more so than the average parent.

@PegasusReturns

Yes, bit it's not OPs school's responsibility to keep that free place for the child.

I disagree. If is a customary element if her employment then it’s their responsibility in the same way paying her is their responsibility.

You have no idea what the school have tried to do to keep the free places...

Who cares?! This is about the OP. The treatment is shoddy and it’s the sign of a sinking ship. Teh OP should jump and quickly.

Not really..noone forced OP to send her child there.

Fine it might be a sinking ship... so she should take her daughter out because she can't afford the fees...which is not what she wants..

I think it's interesting how people take their free kids education and then as soon as it's taken away, it's like "well fuck you, I'm leaving and taking all my toys with me". It's very much one way...?

Seriously. She’s 6. State primary will be absolutely fine for her.

I think it's interesting how people take their free kids education and then as soon as it's taken away, it's like "well fuck you, I'm leaving and taking all my toys with me"

What a bizarre way to think. The OP is working in the school and being paid. If she cannot afford to send your dd to the school she works in, isn't that down the level of salary she receives.

I do feel a sense of loyalty to the school, and especially to the students. I can't leave them when things are tough.

A few people have asked how many staff children are there and I can say it really is quite a lot, I'd say around 10% of the student body.

@Theemptyvase

I do feel a sense of loyalty to the school, and especially to the students. I can't leave them when things are tough.

A few people have asked how many staff children are there and I can say it really is quite a lot, I'd say around 10% of the student body.

And what are all the other staff doing/saying about the situation? Also, has this just been announced now, with fees becoming payable from September? How in earth are you supposed to get an alternative state school place between now and then?

@Theemptyvase

I do feel a sense of loyalty to the school, and especially to the students. I can't leave them when things are tough.

A few people have asked how many staff children are there and I can say it really is quite a lot, I'd say around 10% of the student body.

That's laudable, OP, but if the school's financial issues are as critical as I and other PP suspect then they won't be able to afford any loyalty to you, or to the other staff and parents.

I would move her tbh. Younger is better for a school move I would say - at 6 she will make new friends move easily than joining an established group of 9 or 10 year olds.

I would be worried that the free places may never restart.

@Biggerbuns

I created a thread with a related dilemma. I was in a similar situation. We were on full bursaries which have gradually been chipped away at.

It’s not just the fees in private education but everything that goes with it. Our children sometimes feel as though we are poor. My heart broke when a child said “they were giving out leaflets about holiday clubs but I didn’t get you one because I know we cannot afford it.

They’ve previously nagged me to go on all sorts, I’ve got one desperate to go on a week’s kayaking course with her friends at £45 a day which is impossible and I’ve had to explain we cannot do it. That literally every spare penny goes on fees, something which we are happy to do for them but we cannot just go to McDonalds for example. Everything is strictly budgeted.

I don’t want to go into the ins and outs of why my children are in the private system (and we cannot realistically move them) but it’s not because we think state schools are feral.

A lot of the parents or mums at least, don’t work, have enormous amounts of disposable income and it does massively add to the pressure.

I know we are doing the right thing by our children and their needs, but it’s bloody tough and if I had my time again I do wonder if the stress is worth it.

Sounds like my family. I went to an academically-driven (and selective) girls' private school and my parents had to scrimp and save to get me there too - I mostly didn't even ask to do the extracurricular trips, and I coped with having second-hand uniform and so on. I did get the occasional extra - like music lessons in sixth form - but I am so grateful to my parents for putting me through that school because the education and advantages I got from it outweigh the lack of "extras" now. Of course that was decades ago though - so things weren't AS expensive as they are now - but I hope your kids understand that you ARE doing your best for them and take advantage of the opportunities available.

I would move her to a state, although I must admit I am a bit anti private education. The benefits of having a few luxuries will benefit you all, also what happens if you have another child?
She will probably benefit from being a different school to you anyway and if needs you can always get a private tutor. She is only 6 let her enjoy her childhood.