Can't afford school fees

[Theemptyvase]

I've just found out that my DC is no longer entitled to a free place at her private school.

She's 6 years old and has now completed two years of school and, having found it very hard the first year, she has now settled down and is getting on very well indeed.

There's a possibility that a place will once again become available in a year or two, so we are deciding whether to try to pay the fees ourselves in the hope that:
A) a free place once again becomes available, or
B) in a year or two she'll have the confidence to move school with less trauma

She's made so much progress at her school and become so much more comfortable in her own skin that I'm loathe to move her (despite the alternative school being absolutely fine). We can pay the fees ourself but it will be with quite some sacrifice - we'll be able to afford the mortgage, insurance, food albeit with being much more careful at the supermarket etc, but we'll have no savings and the luxuries will have to go.

I'm strongly inclined to believe that a really positive school experience is worth these sacrifices, but I know I'm biased on these matters. Please could anyone with experience of fee problems and/or shy/sensitive children please offer their advice?

For voting; YANBU to pay school fees. YABU - man up and send her to the other school.

Thanks

@Pixxie7 why are you anti private schools?

My DD was in private school in the uk. We emigrated and put her in an “exceptional” state school where we are now. It was a nightmare. She was so ahead the teacher just left her to it. After 4 years paying through our noses in the uk, she came here and went back a year academically. (Her teacher was horrible-to be fair to the school). We took her out after a year and put both DCs in a private school here. Best thing we have ever done. She is so much more confident and happy now. We sacrifice but I would never ever ever put her back in state school.

all pegbodasu@ each to their own. The reason I am anti private education is that I think everyone deserves the same start in life.

@Theemptyvase

I do feel a sense of loyalty to the school, and especially to the students. I can't leave them when things are tough.

A few people have asked how many staff children are there and I can say it really is quite a lot, I'd say around 10% of the student body.

Ten per cent? Surely not sustainable. Bonkers in fact, if none are paying Ship out now OP

@DeathByWalkies

IMHO / IME the later in the school career you spend on private school fees, the more impact it has on things like A Level results, university destinations and so on.

You seem to get much more bang for your buck paying for sixth form, or sixth form plus secondary, than you do paying for primary and then going state for secondary.

I'd move to the state primary and save up for secondary / sixth form fees.

agree totally with this. private primary seems a waste of money may help if they need it for secondary or at least 6th form. you are a teacher so probably know this but remember when they start the fees can be say £8k but down the road they are £16k..if the local school is fine it mostly depends on their peer group. my dcs went to a highly selective high pressure academic secondary but those from their state primary who went to the local state school ended up on the same courses and same top universities. I think it depends on parental expectations and peer group. and of course the child. BTW the private school pupils all had outside tutors for most subjects! so much pressure..

Yes it's a myth that only state school kids have private tutors! Mine certainly didn't, and I know plenty who went private who did. It happens across both sectors. Buying small class sizes doesn't insulate against academic weakness or indeed parental paranoia.

Do you currently pay tax on the free fees as a 'benefit in kind'? If so the cost of funding them yourself may not be as much as you expect.Or maybe you've already taken that into account.

Not RTWT but I think you should consult and employment lawyer. I think it may be arguable that the free school place for your children may be a term of your contract that the school cannot unilaterally withdraw.

Terms do not need to be in writing, they can be acquired through custom and practice.

See a lawyer then you will know how strong your argument is and whether to push it.

Looking at the terms of the fee payment for the school, it seems they need a decent-sized payment up front, which is even more problematic than the monthly cost

Given that they've dropped this on you at short notice, I would have thought you have a good case for asking that you be given more time to pay.

@Theemptyvase

I've taught in private schools and know that by now most are on summer hols. So are you saying your head has thrown you this decision in the last week of term?

Have you been to talk to them?

Instead of posting here, surely the first step is talking to your Head and making known your circumstances?

Are you embarrassed to say you'd struggle with fees?

They might find some compromise for you.

In either case it's very poor form to make this announcement so late in the day because there is every chance a child would find it hard to get a place anywhere else at such short notice.
Schools of your choice may be full.

You say 10% of staff have children at the school. This is a small prep school with financial issues. How many children is that? 2? 3? Are you talking to each other and deciding how to approach this?

cortex10 staff don't have to pay tax as a benefit in kind on the full value of the cost of the the school fees in these situations - as per Pepper-v-Hart - the benefit is calculated as the extra cost to the school of having the employee's additional child in the class. So basically, it'd cost the school X amount to run a class with 15 kids in, adding the teacher's child to the mix doesn't increase the amount the school needs to pay for the building/heating/staff salaries etc so the actual additional cost to the school would be another set of books/pencils/etc for this additional particular child. So the tax, in my limited experience, is usually next to nothing.

Jesus this thread is depressing!!

Sending your children to private school to "keep out the riffraff" and have your children mix with only middle class professionals.

No wonder we have the government we have if people think that this is what life is about.

The message you are sending your children is that they are a cut above the "riffraff". Nice .

FWIW I have a DC who was "painfully shy". She has done pretty well in a state school. It's not even an "Outstanding " one either. Hard to believe that some kids can thrive in such an environment if you believe everything you read on MN. She may not get 8s and 9s for her GCSE'S (how will we cope?!!!), but at least she mixes with kids from all kinds of backgrounds and has learned that life can be challenging for others in ways that she hasn't experienced. There is disruptive behaviour, but learning how it is dealt with (by staff and pupils) is another life lesson.

No jealousy btw, the sacrifices that people on here bang on about are not really sacrifices. Plenty of the "riffraff" can't afford new cars or expensive holidays regardless of sending their children to private school. But hey ho, they're just the plebs that have kept the country going over the last 18 months so they don't count. .

Whoa, steady in @NursePye. People who use private schools don’t say things like “it’s to avoid mixing with the riffraff”. That is an accusation thrown at private school users by others who want to criticise them.

She may not get 8s and 9s for her GCSE'S (how will we cope?!!!), but at least she mixes with kids from all kinds of backgrounds and has learned that life can be challenging for others in ways that she hasn't experienced

Great. My dds have learnt those things as well as getting 8s and 9s in their GCSES. That's the magic of private school.

No jealousy btw

😂😂

@HaveringWavering - merely quoting from pp on page 10 of this thread !

@Bryonyshcmyony - I do beg your pardon, My Lady, I promise not to get above my station in the future.

That post was saying that paying for private at primary level was pointless in her opinion.

Great. My dds have learnt those things as well as getting 8s and 9s in their GCSES. That's the magic of private school

This may be the most Mumsnet paragraph I have ever read on Mumsnet.

@AngelicaElizaAndPeggy

Great. My dds have learnt those things as well as getting 8s and 9s in their GCSES. That's the magic of private school

This may be the most Mumsnet paragraph I have ever read on Mumsnet.

🤣

Yes, in return for the absolute load of shit private school parents get on here with uninformed lies like we do it to avoid the riff raff.

I suppose the true test is 'would my DC have achieved the same grades working alongside pupils all backgrounds and abilities.' Rather than a rather pointless boast about achieving 8s and 9s in a class of pupils just like oneself

@shallIswim

I suppose the true test is 'would my DC have achieved the same grades working alongside pupils all backgrounds and abilities.' Rather than a rather pointless boast about achieving 8s and 9s in a class of pupils just like oneself

Who knows? And culturally their school is far more diverse and international than our local state which is 99.9% white British. There was one black child in the whole school when dd1 went there. That's out of 1600 kids. Maybe it's a bit more mixed now, but I doubt it.

I guess that reflects the demographics of your area. Bc we moved our DC went to one school which was literally all white and another which naturally reflected the area's demographics.
Where we are now the only non white pupils you see are those who go to the local fee paying school (mostly children of hospital doctors).
Is that why you went private, @Bryonyshcmyony, to give your kids a more diverse education?

It's interesting that racial diversity is seen as most important when it's now white working class children that are most educationally disadvantaged. It could be argued that non white children of middle class professionals are more homogenous educationally than those white wc kids?

@Coyoacan

I think it's interesting how people take their free kids education and then as soon as it's taken away, it's like "well fuck you, I'm leaving and taking all my toys with me"

What a bizarre way to think. The OP is working in the school and being paid. If she cannot afford to send your dd to the school she works in, isn't that down the level of salary she receives.

PPs we're suggesting she should behave that way