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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To retract/reduce offer of a spare room... AIBU?

108 replies

MrD20 · 07/07/2021 20:28

Hello all
In a bit of a predicament. Am expecting some pushback on this but I accept my mistake of being too forthcoming and not fully sincere in it!
A friend from my running club is currently in the process of completing on her new house & her tenancy is due to run out in her old house before completion (leaving her/her partner without a place to stay for what they anticipate to be a “short” but unclear period of time) she is relocating to London which is about 2 hours from here. Recently during a post run coffee within the group she mentioned this and how this was stressful and she was worried about being left short of a place to stay etc, at which point I said “Well if you need anything, a place to stay or store your stuff let me know”. Being totally honest, having never met her partner , and my partner having never met either of them - I wasn’t sure this would be followed through.

Today she has called me, stating that they now anticipate that they will not complete on their house in time, leaving them without somewhere to stay from next Tuesday. And “could they stay with us - they appreciate its asking a lot”. I said I would speak to my partner and get back to them. Having spoken to my partner - he is understandably a bit frustrated with me; but also not opposed to them staying, however due to the space we have, work, my partner is also not in great health and the fact we are due to have family come to stay next weekend also, we really don’t want this to be an extended thing. I think it could get awkward.
They anticipated they “should” get the keys by next weekend (but this is NOT confirmed; so there’s every chance it could go on for several weeks)
AIBU to say yes they can stay, but we are able to offer the spare room from Monday - Friday, and then from Friday night onwards they’ll need to find somewhere else to stay??

OP posts:
Auntienumber8 · 07/07/2021 20:37

I would just say that your DH is not on board, if they were really close friends that would be different. It doesn’t even sound as if she is a close friend of yours.

DroopyClematis · 07/07/2021 20:44

I agree.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/07/2021 20:45

YANBU, I agree, just say DH is not on board.

Howshouldibehave · 07/07/2021 20:46

@Auntienumber8

I would just say that your DH is not on board, if they were really close friends that would be different. It doesn’t even sound as if she is a close friend of yours.
This.

If it’s only for a few days, they can stay in a hotel?

Dogvmarmot · 07/07/2021 20:47

if it was only a week i would do it as you offered but if they cannot say when they will get the keys that seems odd. Completion date is fixed upon exchange and so should be a firm date. are you sure they exchanged. Anyway, a firm no given they are already wavering the date they get the keys.

Mrstamborineman · 07/07/2021 20:51

Yep blame your dh. Classic get out of jail free.

Original poster
MrD20 · 07/07/2021 20:52

Sorry - I should clarify they have NOT exchanged. They have a provisional exchange date of Friday, at which point they’ve been told it will be 3-5 days until completion

OP posts:
Georgieporgie29 · 07/07/2021 20:53

I think it’s tricky because you offered. I would probably let them stay but with a time limit and explain it has to be that date because you have plans/relatives staying etc.

Eleoura · 07/07/2021 20:54

If they are moving 2hrs away, I doubt you would ever see them again. 2 options I can see:

'Sorry, Rachel, but my OH is ill and really not happy about having guests. Really sorry I offered, but I'm sure you will find a hotel'

OR

'Hi Rachel. We have space only Mon-Fri, then you'll need to move out I'm afraid. Up to you if you want the disruption, but I heard the XYZ hotel is lovely and do weekly rates too.'

notanothertakeaway · 07/07/2021 20:57

@Auntienumber8

I would just say that your DH is not on board, if they were really close friends that would be different. It doesn’t even sound as if she is a close friend of yours.
I think it's really unfair to make your DH the bad guy

YABU for making vague Lady Bountiful offers without thinking what you are (not) willing to offer

If you're only offering to store 2 boxes for 2 days, that's totally fine. But don't invite someone to stay and then complain if they take up your offer,

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/07/2021 20:57

You are really rude op, why offer something you didn’t mean.

Original poster
MrD20 · 07/07/2021 21:00

Totally accept the negative comments. I think in honestly was just weakness on my part - she expressed being worried about having nowhere to stay and I just couldn’t stand the awkward silence or saying “that’s a shame”. I’m one of those people who gets themselves in these situations by offering too much - my biggest fault that I’m still get to learn from

OP posts:
afrikat · 07/07/2021 21:02

If you can definitely cope with having them there a few days then offer that option. Since you have family coming on the Friday you can be very clear that they will have to leave Friday morning. However they have been very unwise letting their tenancy expire before exchange. I've had two house sales/purchases fall through within two days of exchange so they really need to have a back up plan just in case

ShopTattsyrup · 07/07/2021 21:03

I would offer them as you suggested until Friday only as you have visitors comming etc. odds are they may well decline all the same becuase even if they do get keys on Monday moving twice in 7 days would be a a bit of a stressful faff.

WhatAShilohPitt · 07/07/2021 21:05

You’re clearly very kind, OP. You can’t go through with this though. Bite the bullet and say that you were sincere at the time you offered that but that it no longer works for you and your husband as you now have family staying. Offer to help with storing their stuff to make it easier fir them to stay in a hotel. It’s a HUGE ask and you made an offer, not gave a contract - you have the final say if you no longer want to.

LookItsMeAgain · 07/07/2021 21:05

Blame your DH if you want.
You could also say that you didn't realise that they would be looking to use it so soon as you haven't cleared out the spare room yet and there just wouldn't be the space at the moment. You offered the room without thinking and you apologise for giving them false hope of a place to stay or for storing their belongings but it just doesn't seem possible for them to stay after all.

Heyha · 07/07/2021 21:10

I think I'd just say you've got guests coming on a Friday afternoon but if having Monday to Thursday would help they are welcome- you've offered so I don't think you can go back to nothing but this is minimal- and they are unlikely to take you up on it I would say.

TheRebelle · 07/07/2021 21:10

Why on earth did you offer? Just go back and say since you made the offer family have been in touch and they’re coming to visit so sorry but you can’t help this time

CuriousOrangee · 07/07/2021 21:10

Yes I'd apologise and say you hadn't asked DH and he's not keen.

Say you have relatives coming at the weekend so unfortunately won't have space anyway.

Original poster
MrD20 · 07/07/2021 21:11

Thanks very much everyone. I do feel very bad, like I said I’d be happy if it was “we have 2 nights gap as keys are available on x date - could we stay at yours to bridge it?” It’s just the open-ended ness of it that has made us anxious. Like I say my partner has never met either of them, so staying with us for several weeks etc would be uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Caterinasballerinas · 07/07/2021 21:12

I think the offer for a few days which ends when your family come to stay is very kind of you and your DH.

Paddingtonitspaddingtonbear · 07/07/2021 21:13

@Mrstamborineman

Yep blame your dh. Classic get out of jail free.
Hahaha love this. I always blame the DH. .

However, Op, you were the one that offered so you should honour it.

Hankunamatata · 07/07/2021 21:15

I'd offer the Monday to Thursday night and say that unfortunately you have family arriving on friday to stay.

Nayday · 07/07/2021 21:17

I would be regretfully saying that your brother is visiting and you can't put up at all next week (which is true). Or say your DH is unwell - also true. Give one reason, not 3. This has got 'will be a nightmare' written all over it if you go ahead given neither you or DH are particularly enthusiastic! Also practice the art of hmming sympathetically, or asking 'gosh, sounds tricky - what will you do?'!

Orla1970 · 07/07/2021 21:19

I wouldn’t do it and I wouldn’t blame your husband. I would just say sorry, didn’t really think that one through. No idea why they would want to stay with you and why they’ve not just booked a hotel or holiday let. We had a week between completing on our old house and new one. Wouldn’t have crossed my mind to ask friends or relatives. We just automatically booked a holiday cottage. Good luck x