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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate that everyone comments on the size of my child?!

126 replies

waitingforwinter · 07/07/2021 15:24

8months old, and has consistently been around 98th centile for weight and 75th for height. He’s a big boy - I’m aware of it - I pushed him out 🤣🤣😅
Is it really the first thing people need to comment on?!
“ohhh...he’s a chunky thing isn’t he?!”
“Well he’s certainly not being underfed”
“Jeeez, what on earth are you feeding him?!”
“He’s a big lad isn’t he?! Has the HV checked his weight?!”
This is from strangers in the street as well as family etc 🙈 I’m plus size myself so maybe more sensitive to the weight comments than others! I feel like people are looking at my size then seeing him and think I’m weaning him on burgers and biscuits 🙈

Is this a normal thing that people comment on? I don’t thing I’ve ever commented on a child’s size 🤔🙄

OP posts:
Persipan · 07/07/2021 15:26

Mine's really tall and skinny and I hear all about it. All the time. From everyone.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/07/2021 15:28

Just what people say. They’re happy to see a healthy well fed thriving infant. They’re not fat shaming him, it’s a really primal thing to find chubby babies attractive and reassuring. He’s well cared for and will grow up healthy and resilient. That’s what they mean.

Next time beam at them and say “I know, isn’t he gorgeous”.

KirstenBlest · 07/07/2021 15:29

If it wasn't that it would be something else.

DD is a redhead like me and all I got was 'what a shame she has ginger hair'. Hmm

didihearthatright123456 · 07/07/2021 15:30

It’s very annoying and extremely rude! I get it the opposite way, 2 year old twins, one of them is tiny and has always been on the 9th centile (twin sister is on the 50th centile). I get thinks like “I can see who has the lions share of food” “are you sure they’re twins” Both of them dressed identically in pink, I get “do you have a boy & a girl” just because one girls is bigger than the other.

Drives me bonkers too

Doublestar · 07/07/2021 15:30

I used to get this and took it as a compliment! I think people generally equate "big" with "strong and healthy" especially for boys. My 2nd ds was always off the chart when the HV measured him too but I didn't let it worry me as I was confident he'd run it off when he started walking (he did!) he's always been one of the tallest in his class and is now a strapping (there's another good word!) 6ft 3inch 18 yo.

Honestly, just take it in good faith - better to have one like this than a fussy eater!

nokidshere · 07/07/2021 15:30

It's nothing new, just what people say when they are making small talk. Just smile and ignore and don't take it personally. It's usually meant as a compliment.

DH has had his height commented on all his life, and still does and he's 68 now. He was 6ft at 12 (very unusual back then) and is 6ft7 now.

Our two sons have had similar. They were like little buddhas at 8 months old, I used to laugh and say it must be all the jersey cream I was feeding them. They are both still well above average and still get comments.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 07/07/2021 15:31

My friends baby is a boster as we say round our way. I’m always commenting on it because I love it. My baby was a big’un and the podgy cheeks and elastic band wrists take me back to when DS was that age. Incidentally he’s now in secondary and a beanpole of a child.

I’m sure people aren’t meaning to be offensive when they comment. As long as your not puréeing happy meals to feed them I’d just laugh it off.

takealettermsjones · 07/07/2021 15:32

Yanbu at all. It's annoying. When I was pregnant it was all, "oh you're tiny, such a small bump, are you sure she's growing?" etc. She was absolutely average and I was having frequent growth scans for a different reason.

Now she's here my DSis is forever commenting on her size. DSis had son very premature and was low on the growth chart for ages. Now she comments on myDD saying she's huge etc. She isn't, she's still average, DSis is comparing to a tiny baby.

I've had to tell her in no uncertain terms to stop and she thinks I'm crazy because DD too young to understand. My concern was that it would become a habit and she will find it hard to stop once DD can understand, and it will upset DD.

notacooldad · 07/07/2021 15:32

I had the same with Ds2.
It didn't bother me but I used to smile and say ' I know!!!, He's gorgeous isn't he!

Neuts346 · 07/07/2021 15:33

It is a normal thing, I think it’s just to make conversation not a personal comment.... but I can see what it annoys you. My kids are all teenage now and I just love seeing a chubby baby, all plump and squishy.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 07/07/2021 15:36

I had a 9-3 ds. My own dm asked if I was feeding him whale's milk!!
Ime having a chunky baby allows a bit of leeway for being off food for whatever reason... No need to worry about being underweight post bug /teething episode.
Whatever size /colour hair /curls /etc people find things to say... Ime it's the first step of needing a thicker skin as a dm.

Original poster
waitingforwinter · 07/07/2021 15:36

@KirstenBlest

If it wasn't that it would be something else.

DD is a redhead like me and all I got was 'what a shame she has ginger hair'. Hmm

@KirstenBlest Mine is a redhead too! Although still very fair rather than firey red! MIL - “oh I do hope he’s going to stay this colour and not end up that bright orange!” 🙄🤣 you’re right, there will always be comments on something!
OP posts:
MrsTophamHat · 07/07/2021 15:37

I think you're being oversensitive.

I used to get daggers from one mum in particular at the weighing clinic when my little boy was always the biggest baby.

Blippibloppi · 07/07/2021 15:37

I've got two 90th+ centilers (height and weight) so I get all the comments. I'm only 5ft 2 so probably does looks ridiculous!

I'd never ask why someone had a small baby so don't ask about my massive ones.

2114time · 07/07/2021 15:37

My 7 year old is the size of a 4 year old and I get asked a lot if I'm sure she's 7, or if I'm misremembering the year she was born in.

toastofthetown · 07/07/2021 15:38

It’s just small talk. There’s really not a lot to say about a baby and it seems impolite to just ignore them. People will just pick up on the most obvious thing be that size, amount of hair, what they are wearing, if they look happy…

KirstenBlest · 07/07/2021 15:38

I'd tell MIL that the milkman has auburn hair.

Original poster
waitingforwinter · 07/07/2021 15:39

@didihearthatright123456

It’s very annoying and extremely rude! I get it the opposite way, 2 year old twins, one of them is tiny and has always been on the 9th centile (twin sister is on the 50th centile). I get thinks like “I can see who has the lions share of food” “are you sure they’re twins” Both of them dressed identically in pink, I get “do you have a boy & a girl” just because one girls is bigger than the other.

Drives me bonkers too

@didihearthatright123456 Oh how annoying 🙄 as if you’re feeding one and starving the other?! 🤣 “Are you sure they’re twins?!” 🤣 are you really SURE you carried two of them in there for 9 months?!
OP posts:
Original poster
waitingforwinter · 07/07/2021 15:40

@Doublestar

I used to get this and took it as a compliment! I think people generally equate "big" with "strong and healthy" especially for boys. My 2nd ds was always off the chart when the HV measured him too but I didn't let it worry me as I was confident he'd run it off when he started walking (he did!) he's always been one of the tallest in his class and is now a strapping (there's another good word!) 6ft 3inch 18 yo.

Honestly, just take it in good faith - better to have one like this than a fussy eater!

@Doublestar Very true! I have a friend who’s 10m old will still barely look at food and it must be so frustrating! My little one has taken to it like a duck to water which is lovely to see!
OP posts:
FoxVillage · 07/07/2021 15:41

Just have a stock reply in your back pocket.

I have twins. Wherever we’d go people would ask if they were twins. I used to think, no I just borrowed the other one for the day, but always smiled and said yes they are.

I don’t think people mean any harm. They are just making conversation.

Original poster
waitingforwinter · 07/07/2021 15:43

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp

My friends baby is a boster as we say round our way. I’m always commenting on it because I love it. My baby was a big’un and the podgy cheeks and elastic band wrists take me back to when DS was that age. Incidentally he’s now in secondary and a beanpole of a child.

I’m sure people aren’t meaning to be offensive when they comment. As long as your not puréeing happy meals to feed them I’d just laugh it off.

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp I’m sure it is just me being over sensitive because of my own weight issues! I’ve struggled with my weight since I was a child and definitely do not want him going through the same 😓 Haha, there are no puréed happy meals 🤣🤣
OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2021 15:44

Babies sit there like slugs. They're not juggling chainsaws or reading epic poetry so their appearance is pretty much the only thing to comment on and people have to make conversation.

As they grow up it will be their behaviour, which is even more fun to have commented on.

Essentialironingwater · 07/07/2021 15:46

I get the same, with my 99th centile baby and I don't really mind at all. I'm proud that I managed to keep his weight up through breastfeeding and push him out despite being quite small myself!!

If he was older or could understand I would mind but people are just trying to engage with you about your baby because they assume you want to talk about him. There's not much to say about a baby!

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2021 15:46

I have twins. Wherever we’d go people would ask if they were twins. I used to think, no I just borrowed the other one for the day, but always smiled and said yes they are.

Weirder was the woman who used to do childcare for me. Two babies to look after. One blonde and a giant, the other tiny and mixed heritage. "Are they twins?". Seriously? And she looked nothing like either of them.

KirstenBlest · 07/07/2021 15:49

People like bonnie babies so it's a compliment, @waitingforwinter.