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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate that everyone comments on the size of my child?!

126 replies

waitingforwinter · 07/07/2021 15:24

8months old, and has consistently been around 98th centile for weight and 75th for height. He’s a big boy - I’m aware of it - I pushed him out 🤣🤣😅
Is it really the first thing people need to comment on?!
“ohhh...he’s a chunky thing isn’t he?!”
“Well he’s certainly not being underfed”
“Jeeez, what on earth are you feeding him?!”
“He’s a big lad isn’t he?! Has the HV checked his weight?!”
This is from strangers in the street as well as family etc 🙈 I’m plus size myself so maybe more sensitive to the weight comments than others! I feel like people are looking at my size then seeing him and think I’m weaning him on burgers and biscuits 🙈

Is this a normal thing that people comment on? I don’t thing I’ve ever commented on a child’s size 🤔🙄

OP posts:
TawnyPippit · 07/07/2021 21:04

@AnneLovesGilbert

Just what people say. They’re happy to see a healthy well fed thriving infant. They’re not fat shaming him, it’s a really primal thing to find chubby babies attractive and reassuring. He’s well cared for and will grow up healthy and resilient. That’s what they mean.

Next time beam at them and say “I know, isn’t he gorgeous”.

I think this also. I had a whopper of a child, he always looked like he had just eaten a Christmas dinner - he almost looked Dickensian, well fed and pleased with himself and he sort of drew comment. But it was just something to say, and most people said it in a nice or laughing way, although occasionally it felt a bit off beam.

(He is now a wholly unremarkably sized 20 year old).

BeHappyAndSmile · 07/07/2021 21:07

I'm the complete opposite and get offended if someone calls mine tiny. But then they're 8 months, 10.5kg and 90th centile for height so maybe anyone saying that just needs glasses Grin

GingerScallop · 07/07/2021 21:07

@KirstenBlest

If it wasn't that it would be something else.

DD is a redhead like me and all I got was 'what a shame she has ginger hair'. Hmm

Wow. That's stupid of them. I never understand this. I love love ginger hair I sometimes have to stop myself from doing a double take or staring
lollypoppi · 07/07/2021 21:10

It's the only time I are allowed to be chunky without judgement. I love a chubby baby. Everyone used to say that about my dd.they used to say how old is she. I'd say 5 months and they'd say what are u feeding her 😵 em just milk 🙄 I think folk were also surprised because Im slim and petite. People don't mean anything bad by it so don't take it to heart.

ironically my dd is now a wee teeny tiny 4yr old. She was 90something centile for weight and 50th for height when a baby was in a few sizes up clothes wise. She's now on 25th centile for height and weight.

TheMostHappy · 07/07/2021 21:10

I've got a massive child too - just turned 3 and is hugely tall and wearing 4-5 clothes and size 10 shoes. I get comments from time to time but on the whole people just assume he is older than he is.

GingerScallop · 07/07/2021 21:11

My boy is a second percentile for both weight and height so I got comments about his size all the time. Didn't help that at just over 2 he could speak sentences so there was a teeny tiny thing speaking. I almost stopped going to play ground but realized I need to give him confidence to be who he is so I ignore.
Some mean no harm. Others are mean. It's annoying

HavelockVetinari · 07/07/2021 21:17

And for OP - I love seeing squidgy wee babies with dimples and rolls, they're utterly adorable. Most people feel the same - back in the day (not that long ago in terms of human evolution) a rounder baby had more chance of living past 5 years old. It's a depressing statistic but true.

A friend of mine is a consultant paediatrician. She has 3 DC, and each time the health visitor has told her around 4-5 months that she needs to restrict their feeds. All 3 were exclusively breastfed - you can't overfeed a bf baby! She smiled politely and carried on.

worktrip · 07/07/2021 21:20

DS2 was like a little Buddha despite fully Bf for 6 months. He's a stick insect now.

Wideawakeandconfused · 07/07/2021 21:25

My DS was small born (6lb) but packed it on over night. He was in 98 percentile. We used to get stopped all the time and people commented on his size - one chap told us to ‘send him over to the US to play football if England didn’t didn’t want him for rugby.’

I was really proud. I’d been solely responsible for my DS growth at that point. And as it happens, he’s still on 98 percentile and he built for rugby.

ChampionOfTheSun · 07/07/2021 21:26

@MrsTerryPratchett

I have twins. Wherever we’d go people would ask if they were twins. I used to think, no I just borrowed the other one for the day, but always smiled and said yes they are.

Weirder was the woman who used to do childcare for me. Two babies to look after. One blonde and a giant, the other tiny and mixed heritage. "Are they twins?". Seriously? And she looked nothing like either of them.

I came here to say something similar, me and one of my best friends had girls exactly 3 months apart. There was a very obvious difference in size, I mean at this point my DD weighed about half what my friends DD did. We went out for lunch one day when my DD was about 4 weeks old, I had both of them on my knee whilst my friend ate her sandwich and someone asked me if they were twins. We couldn't help but laugh, we still make jokes about how I had a favourite twin who I gave all the milk to Grin the funniest thing is now they genuinely could be mistaken for twins as are a similar size and hair colour etc. but haven't been Grin I do also get where you're coming from OP, kind of the opposite but people used to tell me all the time my DD was "so small" even though she's 50th centile for weight and 75th for height. People will always find something to comment on!
EmeraldShamrock · 07/07/2021 21:28

Get used to it.
My DS born 99 centile still top of the scale aged 6, he is a head taller than everyone in his class plus he is chunky.
He's my giant.

Deadringer · 07/07/2021 21:29

With my first it was always omg she is tiny, like a little doll. oh really, thanks for letting me know, i have never really looked at her.Hmm

jumpbounce · 07/07/2021 21:32

Just people making small talk I would imagine. If it wasn't about his size it would be eyes or hair colour or something. We have the opposite a 4 year old who is about the size of an average 2 year old so get all the so tiny comments all the time.

Soosiesoo · 07/07/2021 21:32

Oh I get this with my daughter all the time. She's 9 now and has always been tall for her age and all we've ever had is 'oh she's huge' 'isn't she massive' and I really hate it. Why do people feel the need to comment on her size all the time using such negative language.

Now I just say, 'I know, she's beautifully tall, isn't she lucky!', especially when she is in earshot.

Inside I'm thinking, fuck off!

TheMoth · 07/07/2021 21:35

"Ooh, she's a nice, solid baby isn't she? I like them big- more to cuddle."

"Ooh, he's such a tiny little thing. I love them when they're wee."

People just say what they think you want to hear. Dc2 was a proper potato, but no one ever said that. They'd have been correct, but they didn't.

SemperIdem · 07/07/2021 21:35

People can’t help themselves commenting.

My daughter was very small as a baby. She was on the 9th centile for a long time, at 6 she’s on the 25th. My friends 6 month old weighs what she did at 1 year old. The comments I got - absolutely constant 🙄 “are you feeding her” etc etc

Thelazydog · 07/07/2021 21:36

Someone joked to their kid recently, about mine, "careful that she doesn't eat you!".

She's still only 1, so not like she understood it, but i hurt a little for her. If I said to people who are fatter than me "yikes! Please don't eat me!", it would be absolutely inappropriate.

I don't mind the comments on her size so much, it's more the implications that she's some kind of ravenous, uncontrollable beast alongside her size.

Thank god for lockdown. I've not had to go to playgroups and face it all yet. Slightly dreading going back tbh. My older kids were small to average, so no mean comments to them.

Biffsboys · 07/07/2021 21:44

My ds was born by c section, when he came out surgeon and midwives were saying “ wow look at him , he’s huge ! I expected them to hand me an elephant 🤣 He was just a baby .

Nohomemadecandles · 07/07/2021 21:54

People really do just say stuff, don't they? I think, certainly for the older demographic, it's meant as a compliment really. My mum and grandma love a round baby. It's a sign to them that all is well.

They could just butt out and smile politely but they'd want to say something and they'd upset you.

MsFannySqueers · 07/07/2021 22:02

I agree with @TawnyPippit and @AnneLovesGilbert. It’s just what folk say. I love the description of your baby TawnyPippit! Funnily enough I have just been looking at some photos of my DS (he’s in his thirties now!) taken when he was about 8 months old. He was so gorgeous and really chubby it didn’t last once he started crawling and walking. He’s now a six foot skinny beanpole. Make the most of the chubby loveliness OP! What I wouldn’t give for a chubby baby to cuddle!

Angliski · 07/07/2021 22:20

My little fella is 17 months and 17kgs. He is still off the Centule charts. He’s actually not runny he is just really muscular snd looks more like 2.5-3 years old but has only just started waking. I was quite worried by all the comments but I can’t exactly shrink him can I? Plus he is so happy and outgoing snd utterly gorgeous so…

You get a lot of ‘ is his dad big!’ I have the further complication that he was a donor baby so we don’t know if his donor was big as a child. I just answer honestly about his dad’s size as what else can I do?

Angliski · 07/07/2021 22:21

Tubby not runny!!

JenniferWooley · 07/07/2021 23:37

DD is a 19 & we still get comments on her size/features - she could easily pass as 13yo DS's twin except he's almost a foot taller

My DB commented on her height one day & she replied thank fuck you said something I woke up this morning thinking I was 6 foot tall - couldn't even get her into trouble for swearing as I was too busy laughing

JaceLancs · 07/07/2021 23:58

I agree with an earlier poster who said that basically babies are fairly boring so the only thing people use as a point of conversation is their appearance
I’ve had everything from - they dont look alike - to is DH of an oriental background? (Answer no) is it natural? (Curly hair WTAF? Do I take baby for a perm!!!)
He’s huge! She’s tiny! He’s so pale - she’s so dark etc etc

SleepingStandingUp · 07/07/2021 23:59

@KirstenBlest

If it wasn't that it would be something else.

DD is a redhead like me and all I got was 'what a shame she has ginger hair'. Hmm

If I met you on a bus I'd tell you how gorgeous her hair is and that I'm envious