To be pissed with my MIL?

[WTFMIL]

Name changed, but long time lurker...

I recently underwent some surgery, however, a week later I am back to what passes for normal, so asked that my husband dispatches the in-laws home as quite frankly, more than enough toes have been trodden in in this week alone (think making decisions about bedtime etc and my DC’s routine, not to mention criticising our use of a visual time table due to DC’s ADHD and ASD, then MIL getting offended at my reaction to the question “I’f you treated him normally, he would be a normal child”)

So, DC is at school, and I tell both ML & FIL that I have 2 back to back work meetings on teams and that I can’t be distributed, so maybe they’d like to stay in the lower part of the house (why they’d ever need to come up to the highest point in the house(loft room) where my office is is beyond me) and reiterated that the meetings are important and back to back so won’t be available for 3-4 hours.

Anywhoo, not 20 minutes into the meeting I hear “op, op” switch off my mic and cam and reiterate that I am in a meeting and that I can’t come away from it, turns out she wanted to tell me that FIL burnt his toast

So I go back into my meeting, and 10 minutes later “op op” so having given a fair warning and not up for snapping at her and having to miss another 5 minutes of my meeting, I ignore her,

But the shouts get louder “OP!”

She then suddenly bursts into my office, demanding that I come downstairs and “shouldn’t be working while they are there as I’m not being a good host” (WTF lady, I had surgery a week ago, shouldn’t be cooking/cleaning/ hosting your ass and only went to my meetings to escape you constantly talking at me about how “things were done differently in my day, and the old ways are best, ans we should take her advice as we are screwing up DC by having them labelled” (she’s 64 fgs, I’m pretty sure DH & I, 35 and 32 respectively) have a firm handle on being adults by now, having been married for around 8 years with a 5 year old DC

DH totally on board, has told his mother that she is under no circumstances to ever go near my office again and “if WTF ever speaks to you again, it’ll be a day too soon in my book”

But, given that I may be being sensitive, WIBU?

I don't blame you OP, the comment about your DS would have been enough for me to end the visit. Re the work interruptions - I think one of the issues is that some people from the previous generation don't understand what people's lives are like now.

My DM frequently phones me during the day and says 'so you aren't working then' she can't get into her head the concept of working from home and online meetings and thinks you just opt out of work if you have other things you need to do.

Get your DH to send them home. Why were they even at your house if they weren’t there to be of help after your surgery?

Why were they staying with you in the first place? Were they supposed to be helping after you had surgery? YANBU and fair play to your Dh for standing up for you, (as he should though many probably wouldn't).

Criticising your parenting is terrible especially when your DC has ADH. Barging into your office during a meeting would have pushed me over the edge. I’m glad your DH is on side but he should be helping them pack now.

Nope. Not too sensitive. Between meetings, I'd be packing MiL & FiL's bags and expecting DH to be doing it too. Time to go.
Don't undermine your children when they are parents. By all means offer advice (if it is asked for) but otherwise you're a guest and in situations like yours @WTFMIL, they are supposed to be helping your DH and you not causing ructions!
Hope they are going today, after they finish their burnt toast. I do hope that they cleaned up after themselves with that one

Not at all too sensitive. You were a damn sight nice than I would have been!

Why are they in your house?

Send them home now! The comment about your DS would’ve been the final straw for me and I don’t think I’d manage being civil quite so soon.
I hope your recovery is going well.

She sounds dreadful. Time for them to go home.

Why are they there? Are you sure your dh is on board cos if he was they would be gone by now.

I would have terminated their visit after the comment about your child. They definitely need to fuck off home now, couple of dipshits.

@sandraboss12345

🤣

@sandraboss12345 -Just because you claim to be the age you say, doesn't mean that you are not overstepping your role here.
Now, do be a dear, pack your bags and PISS OFF as you're clearly upsetting your Dil and Son.

YANBU. Get rid of them.

Yanbu. I had inlaws visiting to ‘help’ after I had surgery and it was similar in that I very much hosting them. It was a nightmare and my husband unfortunately was not on my side and it has probably irreparably damaged the relationship. Get rid of them. The comments about your parenting alone would be enough for me to want them to go home.

Christ she sounds like my MIL. Acts like Mrs Good Housekeeping 1945. Time to go!

Your MIL is an arsehole.

You know, I don't think this is even an age thing. My husband's parents are almost a decade older (though we're around the same ages as you) and they are completely on board and supportive of our autism and would never dream of behaving like that or disturbing us whilst working. I think it's just "being a pompous piece of work" thing!"

OP, I'm very sorry. You and your family deserve better than this. She certainly shouldn't disturb you whilst you are working, but to insult your little boy like that is unforgivable.

Ask your DH to tell them that children with autism/ADHD/other neurological conditions grow into adults with those same conditions. They are lifelong. And one day, your DC will be a grandfather with autism and ADHD (assuming he chooses to have a family, obviously) since it is life-long. He will definitely make a much better granddad than his own paternal grandparents - who seem to have a very low opinion of him.

You don't deserve this. for you and for your DC. xx

It's not an age thing, it's an ignorant fuckwit thing. My PIL are older and are well aware of what neurodiversity is, having researched it themselves. My parents are older than your PIL and again, aware of what neurodiversity is. They listen to learn, not to argue. Your PIL sound like a punishment from the gods for something you did in a previous life.

“I’f you treated him normally, he would be a normal child”

"How does that work then eh MiL?
I treat your normally, yet you don't behave like a normal adult.
Normal adults aren't usually so opiniated on subjects about which they have precisely zero knowledge. Don't EVER use my son as a pawn in your game of one-upmanship again, or I will have to reconsider your access to him."

Excuse me OP, I am a little angry on your behalf, the suffocation is wafting through the screen at me!
YANBU.

She's been an overbearing, ignorant twat, of the type that is doubly exhausting when challenged, as they make THAT all about them too, & their need to control everyone in the house.

Send them packing NOW. Not just for interrupting your work, but for the comment about your DS. What a vile, vile woman.

Haha, you're being a shit host for working? I would have pushed her down the loft stairs.

What @Gliblet @ChargingBuck and @Loudestcat14 say.