To be pissed with my MIL?

[WTFMIL]

Name changed, but long time lurker...

I recently underwent some surgery, however, a week later I am back to what passes for normal, so asked that my husband dispatches the in-laws home as quite frankly, more than enough toes have been trodden in in this week alone (think making decisions about bedtime etc and my DC’s routine, not to mention criticising our use of a visual time table due to DC’s ADHD and ASD, then MIL getting offended at my reaction to the question “I’f you treated him normally, he would be a normal child”)

So, DC is at school, and I tell both ML & FIL that I have 2 back to back work meetings on teams and that I can’t be distributed, so maybe they’d like to stay in the lower part of the house (why they’d ever need to come up to the highest point in the house(loft room) where my office is is beyond me) and reiterated that the meetings are important and back to back so won’t be available for 3-4 hours.

Anywhoo, not 20 minutes into the meeting I hear “op, op” switch off my mic and cam and reiterate that I am in a meeting and that I can’t come away from it, turns out she wanted to tell me that FIL burnt his toast

So I go back into my meeting, and 10 minutes later “op op” so having given a fair warning and not up for snapping at her and having to miss another 5 minutes of my meeting, I ignore her,

But the shouts get louder “OP!”

She then suddenly bursts into my office, demanding that I come downstairs and “shouldn’t be working while they are there as I’m not being a good host” (WTF lady, I had surgery a week ago, shouldn’t be cooking/cleaning/ hosting your ass and only went to my meetings to escape you constantly talking at me about how “things were done differently in my day, and the old ways are best, ans we should take her advice as we are screwing up DC by having them labelled” (she’s 64 fgs, I’m pretty sure DH & I, 35 and 32 respectively) have a firm handle on being adults by now, having been married for around 8 years with a 5 year old DC

DH totally on board, has told his mother that she is under no circumstances to ever go near my office again and “if WTF ever speaks to you again, it’ll be a day too soon in my book”

But, given that I may be being sensitive, WIBU?

Oh come on, there’s no way on earth you could have thought you were being unreasonable. Keep her out of your property and let her son have all dealings with her in future, obviously.

Ha ha, nice one OP.

So good to see teamwork in action (OP/DH) for a change round these parts

Being pissed off YANBU. They sound like they just don't understand the world of work but we're very rude to interrupt.

Calling your MiL an 'ignorant cunt' and telling her repeatedly to fuck off is utterly unforgivable.

If my DP did that to my DM I think id leave him, not back him up. Even if you're happy never to see her again (as I can't imagine she'll ever speak to you again) I think you have a lot of grovelling to do with your DP.

@ThinkAboutItTomorrow

Zero grovelling needs to be done on my part, DH is sick to the back teeth of having flack from her, her thoughts around me as a working mum (working woman for that matter, I earn more than DH, not that it really matters who earns what)

He has told me I never have to see her again, and neither will DC until they can accept the SEN and stop impacting on our family’s wellbeing.

@WTFMIL

I believe what I said in the 5 minutes after that meeting was (and please forgive the language)

“Keep the fuck out of my fucking office you ignorant cunt. You have no right to demand my attention, I was not hosting you and I am only working to keep away from you! Get the fuck out of my house!!”

She range DH on the way home saying that “I tired to help OP, but she is so rude”

DH had the full story, I’d text him telling him I’m leaving unless his parents fuck off home that second.

Why didn’t you say what you really felt 🤣😂🤣

I think posters seem to have forgotten that MIL has blamed OP's DS's ASD + ADHD on OP and her DH. The office thing was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

How fucking DARE she say that about your DS? Christ. I'm so pleased you shoved her in her box and got them to fuck off.

@BrioLover

I think posters seem to have forgotten that MIL has blamed OP's DS's ASD + ADHD on OP and her DH. The office thing was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

How fucking DARE she say that about your DS? Christ. I'm so pleased you shoved her in her box and got them to fuck off.

Totally agree. Attacking op’s parenting was disgusting and much more hurtful than being called names.

Wow. How did it blow up like that? To go from getting on well enough to ask her to come and help after your operation to going no contact is bizarre.

Your OP sounds more pissed off that she interrupted your meeting than the things she said about your child. I don't understand that.

Not excusing her comments on the SEN they are horrible, but I don't see any coming back from calling her an ignorant cunt and I think you lost the moral high ground by doing it.

But she is an ignorant cunt. I'm sure MIL is the kind of person who prides herself on 'just telling it how it is', and 'calling a spade a spade', so she should be absolutely fine with being told to her head exactly what she is.

Glad to hear your DH has both brains and balls, and zero attachment to his mother's apron strings. Most refreshing.

Good for you OP. Great that your DH is supportive of you and your kids.

Simone mentioned losing the moral high ground by swearing but I don’t think people like the MIL care about things like that only about being the one controlling everything. No matter what you say it will always be spun to others to make you look bad so you might as well go nuclear if you’ve tried the reasonable route before.

YABU for posting on AIBU - you surely must KNOW that you are not being sensitive or in the wrong in any way. You posted on AIBU for traffic when actually you just need a massive rant.

...and I meant to put a . Sorry!
I sound as miserable as your MIL!

That was a bit tame on your part @WTFMIL....you held back there....why didn't you let rip at her??

Good for your DH having your back though. So many don't.

Take whatever time you need to so that you can recover from your operation now.

Classic straw that broke the camel's back situation here I think! Possibly your language was a bit... salty... but her attitude to you and, even more importantly, your DS, is pretty outrageous!

Your not BU at all, if anything you're way too soft. They would have been out of my door with a flea up their backside if they'd have done that here. How dare she undermine your parenting when they are clearly very ignorant

& she is only 4 years older than me. Nothing to do with her age,but everything to do with massively entitled ignorance

DH, who's 67, really had trouble grasping that DS2 was in online lessons when he was self-isolating 2 weeks ago. It drove DS2 and me nuts. He kept going into his room and starting conversations with him. School is school. He wasn't sitting around playing Animal Crossing all day FFS. DS2 also has ADHD and I have an aunt who keeps saying "he's just a normal little boy".

Just spotted your updates OP

Well done, she asked for every single bit of it

@WTFMIL

I believe what I said in the 5 minutes after that meeting was (and please forgive the language)

“Keep the fuck out of my fucking office you ignorant cunt. You have no right to demand my attention, I was not hosting you and I am only working to keep away from you! Get the fuck out of my house!!”

She range DH on the way home saying that “I tired to help OP, but she is so rude”

DH had the full story, I’d text him telling him I’m leaving unless his parents fuck off home that second.

Gosh OP. Couldn't you have been just a LITTLE clearer?? 😂

Actually very well done - and great your DH had your back. A rare thing to see. 🌹

@ThinkAboutItTomorrow

Being pissed off YANBU. They sound like they just don't understand the world of work but we're very rude to interrupt.

Calling your MiL an 'ignorant cunt' and telling her repeatedly to fuck off is utterly unforgivable.

If my DP did that to my DM I think id leave him, not back him up. Even if you're happy never to see her again (as I can't imagine she'll ever speak to you again) I think you have a lot of grovelling to do with your DP.

Not really considering what the mil said about the ops ds. The work interruption was just the final straw.

I called my mil and ignorant cunt once as well, because she was. Was I supposed to sit back and let her do and say whatever the fuck she wanted because she was DHs mum?
Even Dh doesn't speak to her now.
Well done op.

@memberofthewedding

"Fuck off" does get the point over wonderfully. After years of being polite and using neutral phrases like "Ill leave it with you then" or "Ive nothing more to say" I finally told my vile neighbour to Fuck off a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes it does help to fire off all your big guns!

I am a huge fan of the word ‘Fuck’, @memberofthewedding! As Billy Connolly said:

”A lot of people say that it's a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words but I still prefer "fuck!”

Calling your MiL an 'ignorant cunt' and telling her repeatedly to fuck off is utterly unforgivable.
I don't see 'unforgivable' as a problem; I wouldn't care whether or not I was forgiven by an ignorant cunt like that.

Amazing to hear of a DH that has not only cut the apron strings but the umbilical cord too!!! My Exdh never did cut his umbilical cord and our marriage barely lasted 4 years!! But I think you weren't really clear enough with MIL tbh!! Think you could have expressed your ire a bit more succintly!

“Keep the fuck out of my fucking office you ignorant cunt. You have no right to demand my attention, I was not hosting you and I am only working to keep away from you! Get the fuck out of my house!!”

Brilliant OP!

It's not brilliant though to speak like that to anyone. It's one thing to think it but if anyone spoke to my mum like that I wouldn't want anything to do with them.