To be pissed with my MIL?

[WTFMIL]

Name changed, but long time lurker...

I recently underwent some surgery, however, a week later I am back to what passes for normal, so asked that my husband dispatches the in-laws home as quite frankly, more than enough toes have been trodden in in this week alone (think making decisions about bedtime etc and my DC’s routine, not to mention criticising our use of a visual time table due to DC’s ADHD and ASD, then MIL getting offended at my reaction to the question “I’f you treated him normally, he would be a normal child”)

So, DC is at school, and I tell both ML & FIL that I have 2 back to back work meetings on teams and that I can’t be distributed, so maybe they’d like to stay in the lower part of the house (why they’d ever need to come up to the highest point in the house(loft room) where my office is is beyond me) and reiterated that the meetings are important and back to back so won’t be available for 3-4 hours.

Anywhoo, not 20 minutes into the meeting I hear “op, op” switch off my mic and cam and reiterate that I am in a meeting and that I can’t come away from it, turns out she wanted to tell me that FIL burnt his toast

So I go back into my meeting, and 10 minutes later “op op” so having given a fair warning and not up for snapping at her and having to miss another 5 minutes of my meeting, I ignore her,

But the shouts get louder “OP!”

She then suddenly bursts into my office, demanding that I come downstairs and “shouldn’t be working while they are there as I’m not being a good host” (WTF lady, I had surgery a week ago, shouldn’t be cooking/cleaning/ hosting your ass and only went to my meetings to escape you constantly talking at me about how “things were done differently in my day, and the old ways are best, ans we should take her advice as we are screwing up DC by having them labelled” (she’s 64 fgs, I’m pretty sure DH & I, 35 and 32 respectively) have a firm handle on being adults by now, having been married for around 8 years with a 5 year old DC

DH totally on board, has told his mother that she is under no circumstances to ever go near my office again and “if WTF ever speaks to you again, it’ll be a day too soon in my book”

But, given that I may be being sensitive, WIBU?

@Gliblet

It's not an age thing, it's an ignorant fuckwit thing. My PIL are older and are well aware of what neurodiversity is, having researched it themselves. My parents are older than your PIL and again, aware of what neurodiversity is. They listen to learn, not to argue. Your PIL sound like a punishment from the gods for something you did in a previous life.

It's not an age thing, it's an ignorant fuckwit thing.

Well quite, @AutistGoth, @Gliblet.
I'm pushing the MiL's age, & want to slap her into next week. Or wherever, really, so long as it's out of her GC's home.

Just checking though - is that a normal response? - because obviously, I can behave as badly as I like, so long as I reckon I'm one of the "normals" ...

Ask them to kindly leave. I sometimes worry that I get the odd thing wrong with my adult DC and their partners, and then I read posts like this and breath a sigh of relief, because actually I think I’m alright

@ChargingBuck Is it a normal response to want to slap her? Absolutely. It is natural to feel protective over someone who you feel has suffered an injustice.

To actually slap her, though? Well, I wouldn't like you to be arrested for assault. I completely understand and agree with your reaction, though.

So.. DID the door slam her on the arse as she left, or did the boot up her arse get in the way?

Yanbu

Good Lord, treat him normal indeed.so she thinks he abnormal. Nice. She'd be out of the door so fast her tiny mind would spin.

My response would have been ‘if you don’t like my hosting feel free to go home, I’m at work and as a normal person what do you not understand about do not disturb?’

So they are on their way home now then?

Awful. I would just be clear. Sorry I cannot host you at the moment, I am recovering from an operation and I need to work. As for the comments on your DS that is just horrid and I would have asked them to leave at that point.

Your MIL’s comments on your dc alone would give me that absolute rage.

YANBU.

Im in my 70s and understand the concept of working at home. So if someone says they are working I would not interrupt them short of a genuine emergency. Burned toast is not an emergency!

I have a very short fuse if interrupted while working and the response is very likely to contain the F word if not a genuine emergency.

Get them packed and show them the door!

I’d go postal OP. YANBU. They need to leave.

This is why we need the Mumsnet Hit Squad - a network of MNers who will go to someone’s house and deal with their irritating in-laws/nasty neighbour/cheeky fucker friends for them.

I can imagine my mil needing to
Interact with us if we were working, absolute pain in the area. Send them home .

How did they manage to get through life? Pack them off home without delay.

Yeah ludicrous. Are they gone yet?

Are they gone yet?

They left around 5 minutes after I finished my last meeting, Don’t even know if they made it home safely either as I’ve blocked their numbers from my phone.

This morning I am absolutely incandescent with rage, I’m just really glad to know I wasn’t being unreasonable

OP your mil is weird.
I’m only a bit younger and would never behave like this.
My ds and dd both work evenings occasionally and I am mortified if I forget and ring them.
Also I was talking to a therapist who said it’s very common for gp’s not to accept that dgc have special needs in any way. I was at a social gathering once where a woman told me and another friend how she had slapped her asd dgc legs when he fussed because his dm went out without him. We sat open mouthed and I’ve avoided her since, quite easy with Covid.

You’ve got a good dh though. Well done him.

what did you actually say to her? I ask only out of nosiness - she's batshit and rude.

Incidentally, agree it's not an age thing. My mum is the type who would have been interupting me on a work call and my dad wouldn't dream of it. Different personality types.... (loved my mum, but this sort of thing caused plenty of arguments between us).

Yeah, I'm with @TiredButDancing - what did you say to them both (or did your DH have words with his parents and deal with the issue)??
I'm awful nosey when things like this happen, sorry

YANBU, they sound like a pain in the arse and more hindrance than help.

Also I feel your pain re work calls, I mean we've all had kids/pets popping up in the background but I decided to move to the corner of another room after my DM was wafting around in her nightie in the background of another call.

Another time I had said I was doing a webinar and would be talking for about half an hour so please could there be quiet in the background for that time. So she came into the kitchen and starting stacking the dishwasher and banging pots together (great that she helps, but maybe not needed just right at that moment!) and I got feedback that my presentation was great apart from all the background noise

Who does your MIL think she is demanding you just stop working? As the mother of a SEN child also I am amazed you didn't deck her after the 'normal' comment.

Least they have gone home, I'd never have them round ever again. You are not being oversensitive or UR at all.

I believe what I said in the 5 minutes after that meeting was (and please forgive the language)

“Keep the fuck out of my fucking office you ignorant cunt. You have no right to demand my attention, I was not hosting you and I am only working to keep away from you! Get the fuck out of my house!!”

She range DH on the way home saying that “I tired to help OP, but she is so rude”

DH had the full story, I’d text him telling him I’m leaving unless his parents fuck off home that second.

"Fuck off" does get the point over wonderfully. After years of being polite and using neutral phrases like "Ill leave it with you then" or "Ive nothing more to say" I finally told my vile neighbour to Fuck off a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes it does help to fire off all your big guns!

[quote AutistGoth]@ChargingBuck Is it a normal response to want to slap her? Absolutely. It is natural to feel protective over someone who you feel has suffered an injustice.

To actually slap her, though? Well, I wouldn't like you to be arrested for assault. I completely understand and agree with your reaction, though.[/quote]
Fear not. I've had almost 6 decades to practice managing my impulses. Sure OP's MiL is safe ...