Definition of a "single parent"

[forinborin]

Just for traffic.
In your opinion, at what point does the definition of a "single parent" start to apply?

Say:
Scenario 1. Someone who sees their children infrequently, not overnights or long stays, not participating financially or otherwise.
Scenario 2. A standard "weekend parent" arrangement, i.e. every other weekend Fri to Sun, pays the official maintenance amount.
Scenario 3. A parent with 50/50 care and share of all responsibilities.

Asking just out of interest - read something about a person who is more like the first option above, and was puzzled at the "single parent" definition applied to them.

Or is it as simple as "single" + "parent" = "single parent"?

I am a lone parent by definition here. I am single and have 100% of the parenting - all the finances, all the mental, emotional and physical loads and like others I get pissed off when married people tell me they are BASICALLY a single parent when daddy is away on a golfing trip for a week.

My kids father is not a single parent. He is in a relationship but even if he was single he is not a single parent because he does absolutely none of the parenting.

Sloaneslone
*@kindaclassy so what about parents who are doing it without any input from the other parent.But has hands on help from their own parents

is that even a question? The support system is completely irrelevant, as said earlier in the thread. Happily married women with husbands working abroad for months, no family support, get shouted down enough if they dare saying they are like a single parent.

Either you co-parent, even if you do the majority, or you are the exclusive parent. Pretty simple.

It doesn't matter if you have friends or family to help, how is that even relevant.

It's just that some people get really miffed and see the term "single" as a badge of honour for some reasons. You can call yourself a single parent and have every weekend off, half the holidays because the kids are with their dad, but it's disingenuous and the reason why people don't really take that seriously.

@PearlFriday

is that list for fathers? I'm a single parent, I have my children ALL the time, their father NEVER sees them (but that's the kids' choice)

This is what I think of when I hear the term single parent.

@kindaclassy

Sloaneslone *@kindaclassy* so what about parents who are doing it without any input from the other parent.But has hands on help from their own parents*

is that even a question? The support system is completely irrelevant, as said earlier in the thread. Happily married women with husbands working abroad for months, no family support, get shouted down enough if they dare saying they are like a single parent.

Either you co-parent, even if you do the majority, or you are the exclusive parent. Pretty simple.

It doesn't matter if you have friends or family to help, how is that even relevant.

It's just that some people get really miffed and see the term "single" as a badge of honour for some reasons. You can call yourself a single parent and have every weekend off, half the holidays because the kids are with their dad, but it's disingenuous and the reason why people don't really take that seriously.

Because the women who have hubbys working abroad still have access to phones etc and can get emotional and mental support from the father who is working away and also financially providing for his family back home. That is very different to be on your own with all the responsibilities. That is why it annoys me personally when people say it.

@StaceysmomandIhavegotitgoinon

My ex used to travel a lot and latterly was away most weeks, back at weekends and I agree it is NOT like being a single parent (although I'm pretty sure it was a large factor is me becoming one ).

I still knew there was somebody at the end of a phone, we spoke every day and shared decision making, planning and emotional support. Despite being away so much he spent a lot more time with the kids than he does now.

Now all parenting save a little light, fun weekend stuff, is down to me and I can't rely on that: I no longer make many plans for the one weekend a month he has them as he's inclined to change plans/ cancel with little notice. After he cancelled on kids the weekend I was having minor surgery I learned my lesson...

@kindaclassy

Sloaneslone *@kindaclassy* so what about parents who are doing it without any input from the other parent.But has hands on help from their own parents*

is that even a question? The support system is completely irrelevant, as said earlier in the thread. Happily married women with husbands working abroad for months, no family support, get shouted down enough if they dare saying they are like a single parent.

Either you co-parent, even if you do the majority, or you are the exclusive parent. Pretty simple.

It doesn't matter if you have friends or family to help, how is that even relevant.

It's just that some people get really miffed and see the term "single" as a badge of honour for some reasons. You can call yourself a single parent and have every weekend off, half the holidays because the kids are with their dad, but it's disingenuous and the reason why people don't really take that seriously.

Of course it's relevant. If a some one isn't a single parent because the kids stay at the other parents 4 nights a month (but that's all the other parent does) How is that different to the child staying, at their grandparents 4 nights a month?

That's the point. Some lone parents (as in no contact with the other parent) have tons of support. More than someone who is co parenting when the other parent is shit.

So do you consider them not a single or lone parent because they get a break? Or maybe help with finances. I know loads of grandparents who pay for things like uniform, hobbies, school meals, provide regular free child care. Even some that help with paying bills because their adult child is a single parent.

Are these people not single parents? The grandparents may not be a parent, but are taking on parental roles. Just like a step parent would do.

If the other parent of your children doesn't do anything but have them over on occasion, say ewo. You still have to have all the obligations of a single parent who has no input from the other parent. Financial and emotional responsibilities and just have a couple of nights every few weeks off.

But that situation could apply to a lone parent. They provide everything and also get a few nights off a month.

And who finds, is ridiculous when someone says they are single parent but gets every other weekend off? Just you?

If you are a parent who either co-parents or not with the parent of your children but you live with another adult (partner/husband etc) are you a lone parent/single parent or parent?

@CelestialGalaxy

If you are a parent who either co-parents or not with the parent of your children but you live with another adult (partner/husband etc) are you a lone parent/single parent or parent?

I would like to say no. But I know far too many women that live with a partner who has next to no involvement in the child and also doesn't contribute financially.

In an ideal world a Partner would only be moving in they were willing to run the whole household as one cohesive family every body taking in equal roles for the good of the whole household.

But it's difficult to say because everyone situation is slightly different.

Like I have a friend whose is with her husband. But he has been moved to care facility, because after an accident he is unable to provide any care for himself. So while she is married and still in a relationship with him, still visits him and arranges things for him. She is a single parent as she has no physical, emotional or financial support from him.

I'm afraid if you get every other weekend off, huge chunks of time off in the holidays plus decent maintenance and your house paid for (this is the situation with someone I know who pleads single parent status like she's somehow hard done by) you are very advantaged compared to a lot of us!

My DH until recently has worked away most of v the time, I brought up x 2 kids during the week plus worked with no help from grandparents. I had very little "time off" as at the weekend when home DH wanted to rest and do family stuff. I did this on and off for 10 years and had very little free time compared to separated parents who share weekends.

I consider anyone to be a single parent who is single and is a parent. Regardless of how much the other parent is in the picture.

@Turkishangora

I'm afraid if you get every other weekend off, huge chunks of time off in the holidays plus decent maintenance and your house paid for (this is the situation with someone I know who pleads single parent status like she's somehow hard done by) you are very advantaged compared to a lot of us!

My DH until recently has worked away most of v the time, I brought up x 2 kids during the week plus worked with no help from grandparents. I had very little "time off" as at the weekend when home DH wanted to rest and do family stuff. I did this on and off for 10 years and had very little free time compared to separated parents who share weekends.

It really pisses me off that people make this into some kind of shit competition. What about empathy for every single parent? You have no idea whether someone who receives alot of maintenance is dealing with all kinds of other stuff - disability, abusive ex, debts.

It isn't a competition. There isn't a league table of single parent-ness.

Single parents should stick together rather than turning against each other. Jeez.

oh and @Turkishangora having a husband who works away does not compare to being a single parent. You have someone to share the load with. You have support. You have companionship.

@Turkishangora

I'm afraid if you get every other weekend off, huge chunks of time off in the holidays plus decent maintenance and your house paid for (this is the situation with someone I know who pleads single parent status like she's somehow hard done by) you are very advantaged compared to a lot of us!

My DH until recently has worked away most of v the time, I brought up x 2 kids during the week plus worked with no help from grandparents. I had very little "time off" as at the weekend when home DH wanted to rest and do family stuff. I did this on and off for 10 years and had very little free time compared to separated parents who share weekends.

That's 2 different situations.

One is someone who who co parents, has alot ofbfinancial support and a lot of time investment from the other parent

The other is one that does everything but the child sleeps elsewhere 4 nights a week. That's it.

Lots of people in both groups, work jobs.

The fact that you didn't mind priotising your husbands relaxation and down time, isn't really relevant to wether someone else is a single parent or not.

That's why, I don't think your child staying out of your home 4 nights a month, is really a qualifier

@turkishangora your husband working away is a choice that you have made within your family, you know you have a wage coming in if you don't work or are ill, you know if the poo hits the fan, they could change their job to support you. A single parent does not have a fall back.

I consider myself a single parent, ExH pays maintenance, not much but he pays it (less than £50 a month), and DD goes to him for 1 overnight a fortnight, he has no contact with her between times and I am responsible for anything related to her medical needs and her schooling.

Apart from seeing her for 2 nights a month ExH does nothing so I'm a single parent. I don't consider ExH to be a single parent but some do,

@Bibidy

I consider anyone to be a single parent who is single and is a parent. Regardless of how much the other parent is in the picture.

As technically "single" can mean "not married", anyone not legally married is a single parent then? Makes sense 😂

*I'm afraid if you get every other weekend off, huge chunks of time off in the holidays plus decent maintenance and your house paid for (this is the situation with someone I know who pleads single parent status like she's somehow hard done by) you are very advantaged compared to a lot of us!

My DH until recently has worked away most of v the time, I brought up x 2 kids during the week plus worked with no help from grandparents. I had very little "time off" as at the weekend when home DH wanted to rest and do family stuff. I did this on and off for 10 years and had very little free time compared to separated parents who share weekends.*

As a family you made the choice for your DH to work away, and presumably you all benefitted from the income. That's entirely different from a single parent looking after their kids who might get the minimum maintenance from the other parent, and it's quite insulting that you think the two things are comparable.

Also, no one on this thread is saying "poor me I'm a single parent" so I don't know why you're starting that discourse. A lot of parents struggle for various reasons, whether or not they are still in a relationship with the other parent or not. It's not a race to the bottom.

If being a single parent is so much better, why don't you become one? No? Thought not.

[quote CelestialGalaxy]@turkishangora your husband working away is a choice that you have made within your family, you know you have a wage coming in if you don't work or are ill, you know if the poo hits the fan, they could change their job to support you. A single parent does not have a fall back.[/quote]
That really wasn't our situation, I'm not going into it here but it was a lot more complicated than that financially. I have friends who are actual single parents like you describe, they do the majority alone with very little or no financial support from the ex. It's a struggle for them. Which is why I have to try hard not to roll my eyes at those who get every other weekend off, maintenance and a house paid for. It makes a mockery of some very lovely friends of mine who really are doing it all on their own.

Bold text attempt fail.

Number 1 on that list is barely a parent let along a single parent (which implies doing at least some of the legwork alone)

I’m not single but I am a single parent as my DP isn’t involved in bringing to my DC and doesn’t live with us as he’s also a single parent and has majority care of his own DCs. His ex is just about scraping the definition of single parent by coming round to visit them a couple of times a week off her face on drink and drugs and my ex would fit the definition despite only seeing them a few times as year as he is actively involved by Skype several times a week and contributes well financially to compensate for his absence.

I don’t think you need to be single to be a single parent but you do need to actually parent as a verb, as I’m actually DO something otherwise you’re a sperm/egg donor.

@turkishangora and single parents try not to roll their eyes when people purportedly in a family attempt to say they are like single parents for the choices (financially or otherwise) make them like single parents.

Any weekend off and someone paying my mortgage would be living the dream here

Also though another downside to single parenting is people assuming you have all this outside help be it from grandparents or whomever or the state.

If being a single parent is so much better, why don't you become one? No? Thought not.

such a stupid argument.

Technically life is easier without children full stop. Completely irrelevant.

Which is why I have to try hard not to roll my eyes at those who get every other weekend off, maintenance and a house paid for.

everybody else roll their eyes
Such a burden to have all your weekends off isn't it.

Massive eye roll at people who have husbands comparing themselves to a single parent because their OH works

Also no woman is lucky if her exH has their kids 52 days a year and a bit in the holidays and actually pays for his children. Stop perpetuating this misogyny, it's so damaging!that's the bare minimum they should do!