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Original poster

Found husbands "weird porn"

121 replies

RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 16:51

I can't ask anyone is RL about this as my husband is a good man and I don't want anyone to think badly of him.

My DH is a technophobe when it comes to phones. Can do the basics but really has no clue about how the Internet works and saves everything you look at.

We've been married 15 years and this is the first time it's ever happened. We bought our DC a climbing frame and DH was saying he saw a video on YouTube of how to construct it but then couldn't find it again. So I said if you go into the video history on his Internet settings you will find it there, he didn't know how to get into that so handed the phone to me. When i opened the settings you can quite clearly see that my DH watches porn very regularly. Not just standard porn either - mixture of Granny porn, transsexuals, masterbating in public etc. I felt sick when I saw it but didn't let on that I had seen it.

Abit later I couldn't get it out of my head and confronted him. He reckons that he watches so much porn that he watches the weird stuff but doesn't get turned on by it - which I think is a lie. I also mentioned that he is sometimes too tired for sex but clearly he has been jacking off in the day (he works shifts) so is not in the mood when he gets home.

He promised to stop and make more of an effort to hold off and have sex with me when he gets home. He claims he still finds me attractive and is just lazy and that a quick wank is easier.

I did something I never do and checked his phone last night when he was asleep and he is still doing it. Granny porn the last couple of days.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick and just don't know where to go from here

OP posts:
Original poster
RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 16:53

To add, our relationship otherwise is fantastic and he is a super father. He is kind, loving, caring, hardworking I couldn't ask for more.

OP posts:
FreeBritnee · 06/07/2021 16:55

Some people get turned on by stuff that’s considered taboo.

Hankunamatata · 06/07/2021 16:56

The type of porn wouldn't be huge issue to me. What is problem is that he is replacing sex with porn. I'd consider couples counselling

Original poster
RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 16:57

Yes I get that but if he is using these things things wank off instead of having sex with me surely that's a problem ? I am not a transexual, neither am I a granny! So how does that work?

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NoGenderPleaseImBritish · 06/07/2021 16:59

The type of porn wouldn't be huge issue to me.

Bollocks.

lockdownalli · 06/07/2021 16:59

I don't think anyone here can help much OP.

Only you know whether this is a deal breaker for you or not. Some people wouldn't be bothered I guess, whereas I would LTB, it would creep me out I wouldn't want him touching me.

It's what you feel that is important here but I think you should assume he will continue to watch this kind of porn and is unable or unwilling to stop.

chickenyhead · 06/07/2021 17:00

I would see it as a problem yes and I would want to see what he thought about those women and the porn industry.

Dillydollydingdong · 06/07/2021 17:01

Grannyporn? Wtf? Men can be so strange. I'm glad my man doesn't do that stuff, and yes I'm with him 24/7 so I know! And I'm a granny! ) Confused

Original poster
RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 17:01

He knows how I feel about it especially the type of porn.

I read that ALL men watch porn whether in a marriage or not, not sure if that's true? It's the fact that he knows the content disturbs me yet continues to do it behind my back.

It's so upsetting as our life is great apart from this

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Mountaingoatling · 06/07/2021 17:04

I think he's been quite honest with you. I also think...well at least you needn't worry about him going off you as you age!

I'm not sure why but I sort of understand that it's the novelty here that's a factor. And I'm also not sure why, but I find this a lot less threatening than him looking at young women.

It sounds like you communicate well.

Stopping a habit overnight is difficult. Keep up the conversation and communication and maybe ...if this is acceptable to you...look to decrease the frequency rather than worry about the content. I don't think porn tastes translate to real life.

I don't mean at all to make light of how horrible this is for you.

BunnyRuddington · 06/07/2021 17:05

It doesn't matter what other men are doing. It's what your DH is doing that's the issue and whether it's a deal breaker for you not.

Just not being able to operate a simple phone or build the climbing frame would be enough of a deal breaker for me.

whymewhyme · 06/07/2021 17:05

Some people are into weird shit, he likes it and the fact hes not stopped proves it, maybe hes addicted.

These kind of things to tend to get very deep very quickly, he will watch more and more to get turned on and when he doesn't he will look for more. That would worry me. Only you know what you can put up with.

BlessedBeTheFruitandNut · 06/07/2021 17:06

  1. Not all men watch porn. Thats a trope that’s trotted out to make people feel better about themselves.

  2. if porn in general or the subject matter of the porn is a deal breaker for you, that’s absolutely your right and no one can tell you otherwise.

  3. he doesn’t respect you. If he did he would’ve stopped. He hasn’t and if he has to respect for you he never intends to stop.

BlessedBeTheFruitandNut · 06/07/2021 17:07

Also, escalating extremes in porn is totally a thing so he could well be telling the truth there. That’s what makes porn so dangerous.

Original poster
RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 17:08

I worry that he is addicted. I don't know what classes as addicted as I don't what the average man does! I just can't believe this after 15 years

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Mountaingoatling · 06/07/2021 17:08

Just wanted to add that the latest Ofcom research pretty much did confirm virtually all men watch pork, and regularly.

This makes me so sad, angry, depressed and disgusted.

But it also leaves us as women who dislike this, in a difficult position if wanting to end a relationship on this basis.

And the report, out just last month and widely covered, will have validated this activity to men.

I don't know the answer. But if you're otherwise happy...that must count for something.

Original poster
RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 17:09

Escalating extremes as in the standard porn won't do it for him now hence why he's into the weird stuff?

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Original poster
RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 17:11

I am otherwise happy which makes this so much sadder for me

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showerbeer · 06/07/2021 17:11

I don’t like the idea that he watches so much porn he’s moving onto “weird stuff”. That gives me the creeps.

BlessedBeTheFruitandNut · 06/07/2021 17:11

@RedDogCollar

Escalating extremes as in the standard porn won't do it for him now hence why he's into the weird stuff?
Yes. Generally it’s a very common trend now that more extreme categories of porn are considered “normal” for precisely this reason.
BlessedBeTheFruitandNut · 06/07/2021 17:12

@Mountaingoatling

Just wanted to add that the latest Ofcom research pretty much did confirm virtually all men watch pork, and regularly.

This makes me so sad, angry, depressed and disgusted.

But it also leaves us as women who dislike this, in a difficult position if wanting to end a relationship on this basis.

And the report, out just last month and widely covered, will have validated this activity to men.

I don't know the answer. But if you're otherwise happy...that must count for something.

I agree. Its very grim reading. I hold on to the “virtually” though. Even if it’s blindly.
Worstnight21 · 06/07/2021 17:15

I'd find this upsetting OP. I don't think it means your marriage is over but I'd expect my DH to stop looking at that sort of porn. I couldn't be attracted to someone who did that

LavenderAskew · 06/07/2021 17:18

Possibly focusing on the wrong thing here, but he's evidently not that much of a technophobe is he.

He's not accidentally come across a granny gangbang while trying to find out how to get stains out of a sofa has he?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 06/07/2021 17:19

is is shark porn?

Original poster
RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 17:21

I mean he knows how to search the Internet for stuff, use Google etc but if you asked him to delete his search history, log onto a different WiFi that sort of thing he hasn't got a clue. He doesn't use a computer, he will only use his phone

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