Found husbands "weird porn"

[RedDogCollar]

I can't ask anyone is RL about this as my husband is a good man and I don't want anyone to think badly of him.

My DH is a technophobe when it comes to phones. Can do the basics but really has no clue about how the Internet works and saves everything you look at.

We've been married 15 years and this is the first time it's ever happened. We bought our DC a climbing frame and DH was saying he saw a video on YouTube of how to construct it but then couldn't find it again. So I said if you go into the video history on his Internet settings you will find it there, he didn't know how to get into that so handed the phone to me. When i opened the settings you can quite clearly see that my DH watches porn very regularly. Not just standard porn either - mixture of Granny porn, transsexuals, masterbating in public etc. I felt sick when I saw it but didn't let on that I had seen it.

Abit later I couldn't get it out of my head and confronted him. He reckons that he watches so much porn that he watches the weird stuff but doesn't get turned on by it - which I think is a lie. I also mentioned that he is sometimes too tired for sex but clearly he has been jacking off in the day (he works shifts) so is not in the mood when he gets home.

He promised to stop and make more of an effort to hold off and have sex with me when he gets home. He claims he still finds me attractive and is just lazy and that a quick wank is easier.

I did something I never do and checked his phone last night when he was asleep and he is still doing it. Granny porn the last couple of days.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick and just don't know where to go from here

Is it a porn "addiction" though or does he watch it just like other men do?
Can he not function without watching it??

Don't worry, nobody asked you to stop. No need to project.

I think his reaction has been honest and shows he thinks he has an issue that he wants to sort out. I dont think this has any bearing on your relationship or how he feels about you. I think its the deceit that is also hurtful though. Not knowing this for all those years but how could he tell you as I'm sure he's embarrassed.
I've just asked my husband of 8 years and hes admitted to watching porn. I was totally unaware 😲

@RedDogCollar

He knows how I feel about it especially the type of porn.

I read that ALL men watch porn whether in a marriage or not, not sure if that's true? It's the fact that he knows the content disturbs me yet continues to do it behind my back.

It's so upsetting as our life is great apart from this

No, it's not true. The porn industry, the wankers and the cool wives would like you to think so.

All men and teenaged boys from about 13yo onwards watch porn.

But refreshingly our 17yo told my DH recently that he's gone off it - saying it's so readily available and the girls aren't very attractive, so it's become less of a thing for him.

My DH went through a phase for years where he said he only watched films of us having sex. Not sure what he's into now as he hasn't filmed for a while! I'm not bothered though - he's unbelievably loyal and what he gets up to in his down time is his business.

I wonder how much outrage there would be if a man came on here and stated ‘all women…’ about something.

It’s this ridiculous sexist bullshit that keeps us all back.

All men and teenaged boys from about 13yo onwards watch porn.

No. They. Don't. How difficult is it for you to grasp that not everyone is the same?

I went out with a man who didn't want porn. He was an absolute technophobe/IT illiterate however i'm sure he could've found dvds and played etc had he really wanted to.

He said he found porn boring quite quickly and that he masturbated to his most recent or best memories of sex with whoever he was with.

He was a prolific wanker too , every day at least in his 40s.

Ironically he was a difficult character to have a relationship with in other ways so we parted ways .

*didnt watch porn, obviously

I've got to say I do think he's in the vast minority though.

Its just so fkg available, and it makes for easier faster lazier masturbation .. the ethical issues don't occur to many many people, and if they do they rationalise and "other" quite easily.

Granny porn ... Well at least it not barely legal/teenage (!) Trannies - I find weird and a massive turn off in hetero men.

No doubt weird porn tastes make you unnerved abs turned off.

The there's the fact he's at it so much it's affecting your sex life.

Counselling? I don't know

There is a no fap/no porn community .. who recognise the negative effects and support each other in stopping or minimising its use.

@entropynow

All men and teenaged boys from about 13yo onwards watch porn.

No. They. Don't. How difficult is it for you to grasp that not everyone is the same?

Exactly. Even if you're going to be so defeatist as to assume that not a single man or adolescent boy would choose not to watch porn because of the massive ethical issues of the porn industry, or because they knew it upset their partner and were able to exercise the tiniest modicum of self control... ... Maybe some just don't want to?

I'm not sure there's another non-essential that people are so determined that EVERYONE (or even every man) does.

@JanuaryJonez

But refreshingly our 17yo told my DH recently that he's gone off it - saying it's so readily available and the girls aren't very attractive, so it's become less of a thing for him.

How on earth is that 'refreshing'?

He's gone off it not because of any ethical reasons, but because it's too easily accessible so presumably not exciting to discover as other people can too and he doesn't think the women (not girls, hopefully) are fit enough for him? Sounds like a misogynist in the making I'm afraid.

Just wanted to add that the latest Ofcom research pretty much did confirm virtually all men watch pork, and regularly.

Not in Indonesia though.

[quote parentinghelp123]@Dillydollydingdong never go shopping or even for a walk by yourself? Or have a long bath by yourself? Literally spend every minute by each other's side? [/quote]
My idea of true hell! I adore my DH but the idea of never having a minute alone to read quietly, enjoy the silence or just breathe would kill me.

@JanuaryJonez

All men and teenaged boys from about 13yo onwards watch porn.

But refreshingly our 17yo told my DH recently that he's gone off it - saying it's so readily available and the girls aren't very attractive, so it's become less of a thing for him.

My DH went through a phase for years where he said he only watched films of us having sex. Not sure what he's into now as he hasn't filmed for a while! I'm not bothered though - he's unbelievably loyal and what he gets up to in his down time is his business.

So your experience = all men must...

That's not how it works

Stop doing the bloody work OP! If he genuinely wants to stop his addiction to porn, then he needs to do the research himself. A few tears and he’s got you running around, while I suspect he finds more effective ways to hide his porn use.

I think it is really sad how normalised pornography has become and this is evident in the responses on this thread. I would describe these interests as niche-yet some are telling OP that this is standard/normal pornography. I am not passing judgment on any one's preferences, but don't minimise this for OP. The fact more niche fetishes and genres are now considered almost vanilla is actually quite damaging to women, who are now almost expected to "perform" to an increasing spectrum of sexual acts, which once would have been considered fetishes/niche. Whilst it is fine if this is what the woman likes and wants to do, the mysogynistic EXPECTATION that women will engage in anal, BDSM etc is actually very worrying and I do believe at least partly rooted in the overavailability and general acceptance of porn as the new normal.
Porn use is heavily linked to poorer erectile performance and decreased "real life" sexual satisfaction, not to mention hugely damaging to the partner's sense of self worth and esteem when it is used to replace sex with a partner.
It is an issue generally, but more importantly it is an issue for OP. Her response and feelings are valid.

We have had a chat and he has said that he wants to stop and feels ashamed. He has suggested me putting a blocker on his phone for these sites but does that really cure the issue? He was crying and never cries but not sure if that's from shame or genuine upset

How motivated is he to change do you think? Has he looked up any support services himself? He seems to know his way around Google afterall...

@Zeev

Is it a porn "addiction" though or does he watch it just like other men do? Can he not function without watching it??

Don't worry, nobody asked you to stop. No need to project.

What? I've never watched porn in my life??

He isn’t as much of a Luddite as he’d have you believe OP. He’s found porn sites for starters and lots of them by the sounds of it… If he can Google granny porn, he can Google counselling services and he can also Google how to add a blocker to his phone too!

My DH admitted he had a porn addiction a couple of months ago and it took me by complete surprise. I had no idea he still even watched it (I knew he did before we moved in together years ago but didn’t know he had since we lived together). I didn’t know when he’d find the time to do it since we’re almost always together with the exception of him being at work, on the toilet or washing. Turns out he did it every day in the shower and that’s partly why he took so long. He’s stopped taking his phone into the bathroom now to curb it, he was also very upset and ashamed but just said it was something he’d always done ‘for comfort’ from an early age. It did shock me though, I’d never have guessed it had he not come clean so yeah I do think most men indulge, even the ones who don’t tell you…

I did date one man years ago who said he’d never watch it, he told me he used his imagination instead. He was against the porn industry on the whole and was an outspoken feminist.

filmdaily.co/news/female-porn-stars-abuse/

The vast majority of porn is not harmless, it’s really not. I’m far from being a prude, and if consenting adults want to film themselves having sex in a way that they both/all enjoy, then all power to them. But this is not what happens in a lot of cases.
Pornhub had to remove millions of videos from their site because they depicted actual underage sex (which is rape) and several women have had to fight to have videos of their real life rape removed from the site.
And don’t get me started on hypnoporn, which sounds like a conspiracy theory but is actually a thing.

Sorry, forgot to say, OP you are entitled to your boundaries, if he doesn’t like them then I’m sure he’s free to leave. No one has the right to tell you that you should accept that your husband is watching things that make you uncomfortable.