Found husbands "weird porn"

[RedDogCollar]

I can't ask anyone is RL about this as my husband is a good man and I don't want anyone to think badly of him.

My DH is a technophobe when it comes to phones. Can do the basics but really has no clue about how the Internet works and saves everything you look at.

We've been married 15 years and this is the first time it's ever happened. We bought our DC a climbing frame and DH was saying he saw a video on YouTube of how to construct it but then couldn't find it again. So I said if you go into the video history on his Internet settings you will find it there, he didn't know how to get into that so handed the phone to me. When i opened the settings you can quite clearly see that my DH watches porn very regularly. Not just standard porn either - mixture of Granny porn, transsexuals, masterbating in public etc. I felt sick when I saw it but didn't let on that I had seen it.

Abit later I couldn't get it out of my head and confronted him. He reckons that he watches so much porn that he watches the weird stuff but doesn't get turned on by it - which I think is a lie. I also mentioned that he is sometimes too tired for sex but clearly he has been jacking off in the day (he works shifts) so is not in the mood when he gets home.

He promised to stop and make more of an effort to hold off and have sex with me when he gets home. He claims he still finds me attractive and is just lazy and that a quick wank is easier.

I did something I never do and checked his phone last night when he was asleep and he is still doing it. Granny porn the last couple of days.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick and just don't know where to go from here

@RedDogCollar

He knows how I feel about it especially the type of porn.

I read that ALL men watch porn whether in a marriage or not, not sure if that's true? It's the fact that he knows the content disturbs me yet continues to do it behind my back.

It's so upsetting as our life is great apart from this

It isn't true that all men watch porn I can assure you. I imagine most men will have glanced at the odd picture of glamour models, the sort that used to be on calendars on the wall, or page 3, and joined in with schoolboy-type humour when young, but a lot could not be bothered with it and certainly wouldn't seek it out. Loving men want a loving, committed relationship.

It sounds as though your husband has developed a bad habit; it's not only degrading for the women who take part in these things but it is taking something away from your marriage. Seeing sex with grannies, transexuals and people masturbating is frankly, disgusting, and I am no prude.

The problem with porn is, the viewer becomes desensitised and wants something more.

This isn't going to go away, RedDog, your husband needs help and you need support. I hope you can find somewhere in real life where you can go and talk about this in a confidential environment, and that husband is willing to do the same.

Oh God, granny porn is awful, would put me off having sex with him for life.
Ask him what he would think if you were constantly watching Old men having sex with young girls all the time.

At least you know he’ll still fancy you when you’re old

Just wanted to add that the latest Ofcom research pretty much did confirm virtually all men watch pork, and regularly

I’m glad I’m married to a vegetarian.

I think the concern is he's getting desensitised. He will move onto more hardcore stuff to get his kicks. It will chat rooms etc...

I think it is a problem and will get worse. I would get him to see a therapist specialising in porn addiction. It's a growing issue in our society (and there's waiting lists for the therapists do get looking now).

This sounds like porn addiction. Which is not just someone watching a bit of porn of an afternoon and can ruin lives, I'm not exaggerating. I've known two men who could not have sex with their partner at all because they could only become aroused when handling themselves and watching porn. It's led to relationship breakdowns, depression, the works. It's very sad and quite hard to get treatment for.
If he's doing it every day it's only going to get worse, and he should get some help.
I'm not a prude or anti porn per se, but some people can't handle it, like any addictive substance

Strikes me it’s not the taboo that he’s getting off to but the vulnerability of the older women- is it that which makes you uncomfortable? 80 as an age can mean very vulnerable physically- that is not the same as finding some wrinkles attractive.

Rank. How far down the "taboo" route will he go? not envy. Deal breaker for me.

@2021DNA

Just wanted to add that the latest Ofcom research pretty much did confirm virtually all men watch pork, and regularly

I’m glad I’m married to a vegetarian.

Oh my flipping phone...I'm veggie too so goodness knows why that changed!

@Mountaingoatling

Just wanted to add that the latest Ofcom research pretty much did confirm virtually all men watch pork, and regularly.

This makes me so sad, angry, depressed and disgusted.

But it also leaves us as women who dislike this, in a difficult position if wanting to end a relationship on this basis.

And the report, out just last month and widely covered, will have validated this activity to men.

I don't know the answer. But if you're otherwise happy...that must count for something.

Probably mostly Jewish and Muslim men, what with it being forbidden and all that.

I don't think is particularly weird porn, pretty standard stuff for the mainstream porn sites.

Maybe not EVERY single man watched porn but the vast vast majority do, I've known a LOT of men, I have asked a lot of men in my research for writing and every single man I've asked has said every man watches porn. And many many have followed this up with 'and those that say they don't are lying'

So you think the OfCom research was flawed? How? Their methodology was published in the report and the results I think surprised everyone...but we should all make our decisions based on fact rather than what we prefer to believe...where do you think this research was flawed?

@nosyupnorth

You're going to get a lot of anti-porn people in this thread, but I want to counter with an alternate perspective which is not everything somebody likes in porn reflects what they like in real life. Sometimes porn and erotica are a way to experiment with the unfamiliar and taboo with a degree of distance. As a woman who watches occasionally, I've definitely looked at stuff I wouldn't in a million years want to do, but it's exciting to watch in the same way an action movie is but I wouldn't want to go out getting in fights!

Wanting a quick wank for some low effort release also doesn't sound unreasonable on it's own, though obviously if him taking the easy route means he's regually disinterested in sex when you want it then that's something you should work on as a couple to find a balance that suits both of your needs.

A culture in which any kind of sexuality other than married procreation was seen as indecent for a long time means many people, women in particular, are uncomfortable with the idea that people's sexual interests are more complex than that, and while some people do engage in unhealth sexual behavior if he's a good man and you love him, then I don't think him sometimes watching porn which isn't 100% vanilla (and none of the examples you've listed are particularly extreme) needs to be a problem.

Agree

If he doesn't have a clue how to use the phone then put blocks on those kinds of sites

None of these genres are that weird. Maybe not what you expected of your husband but... These are front page of any porn site.

The issue with me would be that granny porn and public wanking is about power by dominating the vulnerable

@Watchingyou2sleezes

You idiots that think your man is far too virtuous to watch porn 🤣😂🤣🤣.

Get a grip (Not of them-they'll still do it no matter how much you service them). You just havent caught them yet.

🙄 oh dear. I never know whether to feel sorry for people like you or just desperately sad.

It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me personally. The topics aren't that taboo, not by modern standards. However if it makes you feel extremely uncomfortable and is a dealbreaker for you, that's absolutely fine. We all have our boundaries and we don't need to change them to accommodate others.

@Peppallama

The issue with me would be that granny porn and public wanking is about power by dominating the vulnerable

Public masturbation is more likely to be him watching women. And it's usually in a car or bathroom. So not as if they're flashing.

Any of the really public looking ones are most likely staged with actors.

Although there are some grim ones. I came across a video on Twitter of a woman masturbating in a kids playground: but that kind of thing is definitely not the norm.

My ex used to look at the same kind of porn. I thought it was weird, but literally nothing further than that.
What people are turned on by in porn has nothing to do with you, it isn't about you it's just porn.

If we're talking about dominating the vulnerable, well, all porn could be classed as that not just granny porn. A young 20 something woman is vulnerable too.

Porn for men is all around, even if you think it isn't... it's on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram etc... if you thinking your fella isn't looking then you're naive as hell

@RedDogCollar you must be feeling very upset by your DH’s behaviour. Can you continue to be in a relationship while he is watching this stuff? He has obviously lied to you during the past few days.

I’m ignoring the whole MN porn debate here because it’s acceptable for some people and not for others. All that matters now is how you feel about what is happening in your marriage.