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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found husbands "weird porn"

121 replies

RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 16:51

I can't ask anyone is RL about this as my husband is a good man and I don't want anyone to think badly of him.

My DH is a technophobe when it comes to phones. Can do the basics but really has no clue about how the Internet works and saves everything you look at.

We've been married 15 years and this is the first time it's ever happened. We bought our DC a climbing frame and DH was saying he saw a video on YouTube of how to construct it but then couldn't find it again. So I said if you go into the video history on his Internet settings you will find it there, he didn't know how to get into that so handed the phone to me. When i opened the settings you can quite clearly see that my DH watches porn very regularly. Not just standard porn either - mixture of Granny porn, transsexuals, masterbating in public etc. I felt sick when I saw it but didn't let on that I had seen it.

Abit later I couldn't get it out of my head and confronted him. He reckons that he watches so much porn that he watches the weird stuff but doesn't get turned on by it - which I think is a lie. I also mentioned that he is sometimes too tired for sex but clearly he has been jacking off in the day (he works shifts) so is not in the mood when he gets home.

He promised to stop and make more of an effort to hold off and have sex with me when he gets home. He claims he still finds me attractive and is just lazy and that a quick wank is easier.

I did something I never do and checked his phone last night when he was asleep and he is still doing it. Granny porn the last couple of days.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick and just don't know where to go from here

OP posts:
DeloresPickleRick · 06/07/2021 17:21

@Dillydollydingdong

Grannyporn? Wtf? Men can be so strange. I'm glad my man doesn't do that stuff, and yes I'm with him 24/7 so I know! And I'm a granny! ) Confused
Even when he has a shit?! That's weirder than watching tranny granny porn TBH.
IMNOTSHOUTING · 06/07/2021 17:24

Sounds like he has a bit of a porn addiction. I gather than men who watch alot of porn tend to end up watching wierder stuff as they get too acclimatised to normal porn and want something more taboo.

ILoveMyCaravan · 06/07/2021 17:24

It's ridiculous to say that "all men" watch porn. My DH doesn't. A work colleague assumed he was and started sending him stuff via messenger. He asked him to stop as he's just not into it. Thought it was weird that just because he's a man he would be interested. He's not.

DinosaurDiana · 06/07/2021 17:24

I wouldn’t tolerate it, but many people do.
It’s up to you.

shouldistop · 06/07/2021 17:25

@Dillydollydingdong 24/7? Do neither of you work, go to the gym, have friends etc?

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 06/07/2021 17:25

The obesity crisis was started by the overavailability of cheap fat and sugar, the overavailability of cheap porn seems to be ruining 'normal' sexuality for men and the problems seem to be only becoming apparent now.
The internet encourages more fetish driven porn i.e 'breath play'
It is accessable on a phone
It seems to be addictive
I don't know what the answer is but I can't see him wholehartedly giving it up.

claralara42 · 06/07/2021 17:26

I read that ALL men watch porn whether in a marriage or not, not sure if that's true?

It's not true.

nosyupnorth · 06/07/2021 17:26

You're going to get a lot of anti-porn people in this thread, but I want to counter with an alternate perspective which is not everything somebody likes in porn reflects what they like in real life. Sometimes porn and erotica are a way to experiment with the unfamiliar and taboo with a degree of distance. As a woman who watches occasionally, I've definitely looked at stuff I wouldn't in a million years want to do, but it's exciting to watch in the same way an action movie is but I wouldn't want to go out getting in fights!

Wanting a quick wank for some low effort release also doesn't sound unreasonable on it's own, though obviously if him taking the easy route means he's regually disinterested in sex when you want it then that's something you should work on as a couple to find a balance that suits both of your needs.

A culture in which any kind of sexuality other than married procreation was seen as indecent for a long time means many people, women in particular, are uncomfortable with the idea that people's sexual interests are more complex than that, and while some people do engage in unhealth sexual behavior if he's a good man and you love him, then I don't think him sometimes watching porn which isn't 100% vanilla (and none of the examples you've listed are particularly extreme) needs to be a problem.

Crepescular · 06/07/2021 17:28

So older people having sex is somehow 'weird' and disgusting for most of you, is it?

Hopefully you'll choke on your own smugness before you're old enough to be considered 'grannies' and are still sexually active.

BlessedBeTheFruitandNut · 06/07/2021 17:30

@Crepescular

So older people having sex is somehow 'weird' and disgusting for most of you, is it?

Hopefully you'll choke on your own smugness before you're old enough to be considered 'grannies' and are still sexually active.

Go and look up the kind of “granny porn” he’s watching PP. it’s not just old people having sex….
Original poster
RedDogCollar · 06/07/2021 17:31

@Crepescular

So older people having sex is somehow 'weird' and disgusting for most of you, is it?

Hopefully you'll choke on your own smugness before you're old enough to be considered 'grannies' and are still sexually active.

The type of porn he is watching is very elderly women (70's and 80's) having sex with very young men and women. I'm sorry but that makes my stomach turn
OP posts:
ifoundthebread · 06/07/2021 17:31

I think you need to break down what the issue is. Is watching porn alone an issue or the fact of what genre it is? Would you be bothered if it didn't impact your sex life?

LeonieSims · 06/07/2021 17:32

My partner is into transexual porn. It doesn't bother me. I was the one who put the idea of a threesome with a transwoman in his head in the first place and it's something we would both be up for.

Granny porn would weird me out though.

Porn for me isn't necessarily a deal-breaker as I watch it too. It's the amount of it that would be the issue.

Mrsmadevans · 06/07/2021 17:33

My Dh never watches porn OP so that is not true.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 06/07/2021 17:33

@ILoveMyCaravan

It's ridiculous to say that "all men" watch porn. My DH doesn't. A work colleague assumed he was and started sending him stuff via messenger. He asked him to stop as he's just not into it. Thought it was weird that just because he's a man he would be interested. He's not.
mine doesn't either. he would have a stripper at his stag do either. he wants nothing to do with that stuff.

but I tend to not mention because these statement seem to invite sneering, mocking & being dismissed by randoms who think they know better.

they can't believe that
a, some men just don't do it
b, I know my husband
c, I trust him to tell me the truth
🤷‍♀️

puffyisgood · 06/07/2021 17:33

@Crepescular - i agree that material involving old or older actresses doesn't strike me as being at all odd or unhealthy.

I'm less sure about the trans or public w*nking material, i can't say that either falls within my direct or even indirect experience.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 06/07/2021 17:34

*he would not have a stripper

FrankButchersDickieBow · 06/07/2021 17:35

but it's exciting to watch in the same way an action movie is but I wouldn't want to go out getting in fights!

So you have like to have a wank watching Die Hard. How strange.

No OP. Not all men watch porn. Women say this as their bar for their partner is set so low, that they need to say it to normalise it to themselves.

My husband doesn't 'other' women, which some men do. They wouldn't like their wives or daughters being used as wank socks, but they can have a wank watching 'other' women doing it.

It's up to you if you change your boundaries, but if I thought my husband could objectify women and see them as nothing more than wank fodder. Be it granny's, trans people, whoever, I would be revolted and really sad.

Howcanthisbe123 · 06/07/2021 17:36

People can be into weird porn, I don’t really think it matters unless it affects the relationship, the problem is his lazy and using it as a substitute

Youdiditanyway · 06/07/2021 17:38

Is it the fact he’s watching porn or just the content he’s viewing? None of it is illegal, just a bit strange compared to the norm. He sounds like a bit of a buffoon to let you see his history in the first place, it must’ve clicked with him when you said you’d get his video history up…

Most men do watch porn, it’s just a fact. For some it’s an addiction and it can interfere with their sex lives but for most it’s just something to do to pass the time or indeed because they want a quick release from time to time. You need to figure out whether the porn in itself is a deal breaker or whether it’s the fact he gets off to elderly women and transgender men/women. Then you need to have another word with him, tell him what you dislike about it and if he still continues watching it you have a real issue on your hands because he’s going against your wishes.

RevolvingPivot · 06/07/2021 17:38

I think @Dillydollydingdong problem
Is worse than yours op!!

HomerSimpsonsDonut · 06/07/2021 17:38

I wouldn't call any of that porn weird to be honest. It is pretty standard stuff.

However this doesn't devalue how badly you feel about this - I hope you and your husband can work through your problems Flowers

RevolvingPivot · 06/07/2021 17:40

I wouldn't find that weird porn.

I thought you were going to say he gets off watching people put structures together with how you started your post. That would be weird!!!

RevolvingPivot · 06/07/2021 17:40

@HomerSimpsonsDonut cross posted

ILoveMyCaravan · 06/07/2021 17:41

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba my DH didn't have (or want) a stag party, and definitely not interested in a stripper! Doesn't smoke, drink or go the the pub. He has hobbies which he enjoys, they just don't involve drinking afterwards.

And yes he gets funny looks when he says he's not interested in going to a pub or declines a drink. He's happy with an occasional shandy or a coke at home. It seems to unnerve a lot of people x