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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think attractive men are a rare thing?

135 replies

Strawberryshitfest · 06/07/2021 15:28

I’ve been single for a lot of my life/only had a couple of relationships. I find it quite rare to meet or even see in the street a man I find attractive, whereas there are stunning women everywhere (I’m straight). I meet more women due to my job, but it seems that the average woman is better looking than the average man.
Even when I meet someone I find handsome/good looking, I often don’t find I’m attracted to them (I can appreciate they are good looking but something about their personality/mannerism/anything really puts me off). 2 of the 3 relationships I have had I’ve started off friends and only found my self attracted to the person after getting to know them. Only once have I met a guy and been instantly attracted to him and ended up in a relationship. Very occasionally (probably 5ish times) I’ve met other men and been really attracted to them (looks, voice, first impression of personality). But on average I find about 90%+ of the men I meet don’t do it for me at all. Is this normal or am I too fussy? How often do you meet a man you find attractive (whether you’re single or not).

OP posts:
x2boys · 06/07/2021 16:45

I'm sure continental cities also have there fair share of lager swilling pot bellied middle aged men too

Cam22 · 06/07/2021 16:45

@HelenHywater

I think women are generally more attractive/scrub up/dress better than men. At the school gates there are definitely more attractive women than men - women do middle age better than men I think.

But I do see men I fancy quite often - the consultant I saw at the hospital yesterday being the latest. I am single though and quite (in fact completely) sex deprived so maybe that's why.

“But I do see men I fancy quite often - the consultant I saw at the hospital yesterday being the latest.”

I totally get that one. I have a thing about clever men, especially doctors. They don’t have be conventionally attractive either. The type of male in Love Island I find the polar opposite of attractive. The same goes for someone like David the Waltzers Beckham.

Youdiditanyway · 06/07/2021 16:46

It’s all incredibly subjective. I don’t see many attractive people full stop. It’s rare I see someone I find absolutely gorgeous, male or female. Also depends where you live I guess. I live in a village with an older population so I’m less likely to stumble across someone close to my age who I find attractive. If you live in a large city you obviously have much more chance.

Cam22 · 06/07/2021 16:47

OP might have that perception about women because women can wear makeup. It makes a huge difference.

znaika · 06/07/2021 16:47

London is teaming with tall well built silver foxes. All those guys who are married to cycling widows. They might be twats but they look good.

CookPassBabtridge · 06/07/2021 16:47

Me and DP were on tinder recently and I noticed most of the men were ugly but women looked better, but he said it the other way around.. he thought the women weren't up to much and the men were decent.
It made sense that we were both harsher critics of the sex we're interested in.
Women definitely have a lot more help to look good! If we all walked around with no makeup or adjustments to our appearance then it would be very different.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 06/07/2021 16:49

I agree. And regardless of makeup etc, women on average look after themselves more than men do. In Gen X there are more overweight men than women.

snoodle1 · 06/07/2021 16:51

I'm kind of glad you asked this because I'm very rarely attracted to any men and was wondering if there was something wrong with me! FYI I don't fancy women and the odd time I've fancied anyone it's always been men, but it's just so rare!

HarebrightCedarmoon · 06/07/2021 16:52

And I see loads of women who look after themselves and look good in their 40s onwards but then I do go to yoga classes so it does tend to round them up!

DeflatedGinDrinker · 06/07/2021 16:52

The most attractive man I've ever seen in my life is my violent ex he put me off pretty boys.

Rockitrosie · 06/07/2021 16:52

I’m the same OP - I hardly ever fancy anyone, I’m extremely picky. DH isn’t necessarily conventionally good looking but I still really fancy him after 18 years together. I barely look at other men as I find it’s more of a slow burn and getting to know someone that attracts me. Very rarely il see a man and think “phwoar”. I slept with quite a lot of men when I was younger but that was down to the binge drinking culture more than anything - I wouldn’t have touched 99% of them with a barge pole if I’d been sober.
I actually don’t find that many women attractive either - I never look at another woman and think “I wish I looked like her” - although I might think I wish I had someone’s legs or skin etc.
I also never find typically good looking men, ie male models or men who look like they care about their appearance - I find it a total turn-off.
I’m weird!

WeAreTheHeroes · 06/07/2021 16:54

A lot of men seem to grow into their looks and are better looking beyond their 20s and 30s than when they were younger.

tallduckandhandsome · 06/07/2021 16:57

I’m straight and I generally find lots of people attractively, men or women. Someone may have nice hair, eyes, body etc, and it spans race / ethnic origins.

My husband got quite overweight in lockdown (16stone) and I still found him attractive.

However, there are distinct facial/body/hair characteristics that I am not attracted to. Even someone handsome with one of those characteristics would put me off.

x2boys · 06/07/2021 16:57

This is all so subjective, I have a Facebook friend, a man I used to go school with not seen him in years, he's a body builder and posts pictures of himself sometimes, I personally find that look really un attractive but I appreciate other women may find it attractive
I also find women who wear tons of make up and have lip enlargements etc unattractive too, but again this is just my opinion and I'm sure others do find this attractive

x2boys · 06/07/2021 17:00

@WeAreTheHeroes

A lot of men seem to grow into their looks and are better looking beyond their 20s and 30s than when they were younger.
This is very true Gary Lineker is one of those men imo
znaika · 06/07/2021 17:04

@WeAreTheHeroes

A lot of men seem to grow into their looks and are better looking beyond their 20s and 30s than when they were younger.
I agree. I think this is what im expressing badly. A lot of women hit their 40s and find their confidence and think fuck it im eating that pudding and my hair can go grey
Maddiemademe · 06/07/2021 17:07

I voted yanbu but to be fair I am now in a ff relationship. I am only attracted to women but been in a couple of hetro relationships and still felt the same as you do then.

Travielkapelka · 06/07/2021 17:09

I don’t think I agree. I think men in their mid 40’s upwards either let themselves go or they are only just coming into their own. My DP is nearly 50 and he’s gorgeous, well dressed, smart, handsome and intelligent. I’m always amazed how good many of the men I know are looking as they hit 50

Tanfastic · 06/07/2021 17:09

@Songoftheseas

I’m like this (married now for over a decade), I’ve only ever found a handful of men sexually attractive and perhaps two of them were what would be thought of as conventionally handsome. I’m not often physically attracted to men and when I am it tends to be after I have got to know them. I agree that I see a lot more conventionally attractive women everyday (and like OP am definitely straight, no sexual interest in women at all).

Same here, exactly what she said and I, definitely straight!

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 06/07/2021 17:14

I find someone's personality makes them attractive or not as the case may be.
Can't always judge them on looks.

CoalCraft · 06/07/2021 17:16

Well it depends on your type, doesn't it? If the type of man you find attractive is rare then for you the answer is yes.

Personally I'm bisexual and see about an equal number of men and women that I find visually attractive, but both are quite rare for me. Personality can definitely make or break attraction for me and I probably encounter more men that I find attractive in that regard, though I have fancied in women for this reason too.

Comedycook · 06/07/2021 17:19

I find there's not much centre ground in terms of men... they're either middle class wet blankets who couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag or they're beer swilling oafs with the st georges flag as their fb profile pic!

Manzanilla55 · 06/07/2021 17:19

I agree with the op. Men tend not to look after their appearance much which really doesnt help.As a further comment I have never understood the attraction of silver foxes. Mystifying to me!

znaika · 06/07/2021 17:22

@Comedycook

I find there's not much centre ground in terms of men... they're either middle class wet blankets who couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag or they're beer swilling oafs with the st georges flag as their fb profile pic!
😂what would they say about us though?
Comedycook · 06/07/2021 17:23

what would they say about us though?

Oh I'd rather not know!!

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