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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think work don't have a clue?

180 replies

Rosebel · 05/07/2021 23:25

Once again forced to take time off work because my son has been in contact with a Covid case at nursery.
Well aware the rules are changing for schools and really hope it's the same for nurseries.
I can't WFH and nor can my husband. I'm so pissed off with work who seem to think I should have back up childcare in place, even though I literally have no family to help and the fact my son is meant to be isolating so shouldn't be mixing anyway.
I try to work as much as I can (roughly 4 hours before DH has to leave for work) and we split leave fairly evenly so it's not always me who's off.
But I still get nagged and bitched at by work as to why I have to take time off (even though they know he's only 1).
Maybe I'm being unreasonable but I have a suspicion that my manager and team leaders (all male) don't have a fucking clue because they don't deal with the kids when they are sick. They expect their partner to do it and then seem to expect the same from their team members partners.
I'm actually on the verge of quitting because I'm sick to death of works attitude.
I'm trying my absolute best but if nursery says he has to isolate I have to look after him 50%of the time because that's what being partners in parenting is about.
Does everyone else get this at work? AIBU to mentally tell them to fuck off when they are giving me a hard time?

OP posts:
FaceyRomford · 06/07/2021 00:08

Quit. Life's too short for this sort of shit. Since you've not mentioned money, I assume you are financially in a position to do so. If that's right then do it.

Original poster
Rosebel · 06/07/2021 10:28

I could probably afford to not work for about a year and hopefully by then things might be better regarding isolation etc.
I just feel like I put myself out for work a lot of the time and always did before having my son but get nothing back.
I know it's annoying when staff are off but don't know what else they expect me to do

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 06/07/2021 10:35

Stop putting yourself out for a start.
Look for a different job.

cinammonbuns · 06/07/2021 10:35

Always baffled on threads like this when a women complains about being assumes as the primary care giver and the advice is to quit her toxic workplace to be the primary caregiver. Hmm

UserAtLarge · 06/07/2021 10:39

Are DH's work complaining as well?

I do think some employers are more accommodating than others, and from this perspective it might be worth looking for another job, but I wouldn't unilaterally quit.

In your case, you're splitting the time off 50/50 so you're minimising impact on the business as much as you can.

Mountaingoatling · 06/07/2021 10:41

That is a good point @cinammonbuns

OP, this is really shitty.

Stay strong. YANBU.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 06/07/2021 10:42

How much time off have you had since returning to work?

LeSquigh · 06/07/2021 13:10

It is a shitty situation but why should your workplace have to bear the brunt. I know it’s not easy (I work full time and have two kids in primary) but it really is your responsibility to have a back up plan. If it doesn’t suit you you will have to leave and find a more accommodating job however there probably aren’t too many of those who will let you have random unlimited time off for childcare.

YouLookSoCool · 06/07/2021 13:18

But what possible back up an could there be? If a child has been told to self isolate, surely they're not allowed to be cared for or mix with by anyone except those they live with? It's a crap situation for the op and the employer but I can't see a way around it unless/until covid rules change.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 06/07/2021 13:26

It's not a great situation but is it really up to your work to keep accommodating time off. They have a business to run as well. You can't expect them to be very happy about it.

Original poster
Rosebel · 06/07/2021 13:46

I don't expect them to be happy about it. I just expect them to understand that if my 1 year old has to isolate then someone (me or his dad because he's isolating from everyone else) has to look after him.
Including this week I've had 5 and 1/2 days off. It's not brilliant but not a lot I can do.
If you know what childcare I can arrange for a self isolating child then please let me know.
My husbands work are okay about him having time off but doubt they would be if I never did it.
I've applied for a couple of jobs which are still WFH although not sure how practical it would be to WFH with a child at home but hoping it'll be easier than life is now.
I totally get they are a business and childcare isn't their problem but what can I do?
My previous sickness record was about 4 days in 3 years so they should know I'm not usually unreliable but we're still not back on usual times.

OP posts:
SpudleyLass · 06/07/2021 14:01

This would certainly push me to look for another job - your employers would have realised going into this pandemic that this sort of situation would crop up.

And as you say, what back up are you even able to use if your son is supposed to isolate? Do they expect you to break the rules and they'd be fine with that?

Have they thought that an alternate child care option could still need to isolate and you'd all be in the same situation?

Are they capable of rational thought? (Ok, being a bit mean there)

Ellpellwood · 06/07/2021 14:03

@LeSquigh

It is a shitty situation but why should your workplace have to bear the brunt. I know it’s not easy (I work full time and have two kids in primary) but it really is your responsibility to have a back up plan. If it doesn’t suit you you will have to leave and find a more accommodating job however there probably aren’t too many of those who will let you have random unlimited time off for childcare.
What's the back up for a child who isn't allowed to leave the house or have contact with anyone he doesn't live with? I'll wait.
Manzanilla55 · 06/07/2021 14:06

I know sitters.co.uk run options but not sure daytime if isolating as the sitters may not want to risk it. Tricky for you.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/07/2021 14:13

I was going to say what back up?

There supposed to be isolating. So they have to be with one parent or the other. If they both work wtaf are you supposed to do?

Clutterbugsmum · 06/07/2021 14:18

@Manzanilla55

I know sitters.co.uk run options but not sure daytime if isolating as the sitters may not want to risk it. Tricky for you.
There is no risking it.

You can't pass a child who has to isolate to someone out side the family.

The whole point of isolating is that you are limiting points of contact, not passing said isolating child around.

ChateauMargaux · 06/07/2021 14:32

Is your DH's work place more accommodating? Can he take more of the load?

Having a child has already adversely affected your lifetime earnings, giving up now will exacerbate that. It won't be easy to get back into work and that time off will count against you. Could your DH have flexi time, ask for some additional unpaid time off to cover this if they are more flexible? This is less likely to have such a great impact on his lifetime earnings.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 06/07/2021 14:34

You don't have a choice. Whatever they think of it, there are no options for you. This isn't your fault or your doing.

motogogo · 06/07/2021 14:37

Why should your workplace pick up the slack though? They are paying you fulfill a contract, you can't. Back up childcare isn't exclusive to covid.

Being understanding to take emergency leave for the first day is right but you need a plan b, all working parents do.

Theunamedcat · 06/07/2021 14:45

@motogogo

Why should your workplace pick up the slack though? They are paying you fulfill a contract, you can't. Back up childcare isn't exclusive to covid.

Being understanding to take emergency leave for the first day is right but you need a plan b, all working parents do.

There is no plan B when your isolating ffs
SpudleyLass · 06/07/2021 14:53

@motogogo

Why should your workplace pick up the slack though? They are paying you fulfill a contract, you can't. Back up childcare isn't exclusive to covid.

Being understanding to take emergency leave for the first day is right but you need a plan b, all working parents do.

What is OP actually able to do in this situation?

Her son needs to isolate. This means he cannot be left with anybody not in OP's household. Meaning they all have to isolate with him.

Anything else is breaking the rules.

Gazelda · 06/07/2021 15:04

I can see you have no choice. Your DH is sharing the load and you obviously aren't a slacker.

I can also see why your employer is pissed off. Not at you, but at the situation. Have they said anything directly to you, or just generally?

Fairyliz · 06/07/2021 15:27

Are you sure some of this isn’t just in your head so you feeling guilty?
For example if I had to ring in sick my boss would sigh and say are you sure. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe me, just that she was worrying about covering my work and the extra she would have to do.
I find in life that most people generally think about themselves rather than other people.

MindyStClaire · 06/07/2021 15:37

YANBU. We have two children in nursery and no family nearby. Our backup plan for illness is annual leave and sharing the days 50/50. We can muddle through with that under normal circumstances, but obviously a few periods of isolation and we'd be out of leave (fortunately we've been lucky so far). Even if we had willing grandparents on the doorstep to help with the usual bugs, it's not an option for covid isolation.

OP stick it out. DON'T give up work unless you actually want to be a SAHP, better to have a rocky year or so and keep some momentum than to be trying to get back into the workforce. Make sure your employer knows your DH is pulling his weight and spell out (nicely) that there is literally no other option.

JeepersCreeping · 06/07/2021 15:54

OP i hear you.

I manage a mostly male team (male dominated sector). The attitudes from my male staff are interesting when they occasionally let things slip - the bunch is generally lovely but i do remember around 3 years ago when a very nice male engineer mentioned he was staying late to get something working when the rest of the office had all gone home - literally nothing that was important, the cleaner was hoovering around us, and at 8pm i was hungry and grumpy enough in the ghost office to tell him to go home.

"no thanks" was his reply - "if i go home i'll have to make dinner so i'll get the next train".

Hmm

Yet his (also a rare female engineer) wife presumably had left work on time to rush to pick up their 2 kids. And then was making dinner. Yet my guy was happy to work late to avoid domestic chores in that situation.

I think he could tell by my reaction that he'd accidently shared too much, and i do view him differently since.

so no op, your work colleagues may not get it, no. others might get it and still not care.