To think work don't have a clue?

[Rosebel]

Once again forced to take time off work because my son has been in contact with a Covid case at nursery.
Well aware the rules are changing for schools and really hope it's the same for nurseries.
I can't WFH and nor can my husband. I'm so pissed off with work who seem to think I should have back up childcare in place, even though I literally have no family to help and the fact my son is meant to be isolating so shouldn't be mixing anyway.
I try to work as much as I can (roughly 4 hours before DH has to leave for work) and we split leave fairly evenly so it's not always me who's off.
But I still get nagged and bitched at by work as to why I have to take time off (even though they know he's only 1).
Maybe I'm being unreasonable but I have a suspicion that my manager and team leaders (all male) don't have a fucking clue because they don't deal with the kids when they are sick. They expect their partner to do it and then seem to expect the same from their team members partners.
I'm actually on the verge of quitting because I'm sick to death of works attitude.
I'm trying my absolute best but if nursery says he has to isolate I have to look after him 50%of the time because that's what being partners in parenting is about.
Does everyone else get this at work? AIBU to mentally tell them to fuck off when they are giving me a hard time?

Including this week I've had 5 and 1/2 days off. that's pretty good going! Your bosses are idiots if they think you should have a back up for when your child has to isolate. I'd find it really hard not to tell them to go and look up what isolate means.

He shouldn't have to as you are already doing a fair 50/50 split but can OH pick up any more if his employers are more understanding?

YANBU OP. My DS was ill yesterday and DH and I had to do a half day each.

My boss said ‘oh no - hope he gets better soon. Let me know how he is tomorrow’

I CAN wfh but it’s nearly impossible with my 3yo.

Because our organisation is fair and we’re treated like adults we have very low sickness and no one is scared or anxious to call in.

Christ people saying you need back up childcare for an isolating fucking child god help us

After 18 months of this shit and people still don't understand the concept of isolating 

My company spent 9 months out of 13 closed thanks to Covid but when one of my dc had to self isolate I had to stay home to look after them half the time because I couldn't rely on very elderly in laws or my dad with a currently untreated heart condition while waiting for an appointment 

The people trying to work and earn a living as well as keep our bills paid and looking after dc and hoping we don't get a test and trace ping are STILL in a shitty situation and that won't change until at least August when self isolating will end so everyone looking forward to the so called FREEDOM DAY clearly aren't in the same situation.

@Rosebel I fee your situation with work because mine hasn't been as helpful as they could be and where I understand they need me there to earn money my kids have to come first.

We've all spent so long being told not to be selfish and to wear a mask and have vaccines to protect others and then when we do the right thing we are wrong

What on earth do they expect? You can't get an outsider to look after your baby because they need to isolate. It can't be dumped on your partner 100% of the time because he has to work too.

Bounce the situation back to your employer, ask them if they have any other workable solutions on how to care for an isolating baby...and then watch them change the subject.

What sort of job do you do? Are they open evenings? Could you go in as soon as dh finished work, do 6-8 hours then come home? Ask them to deduct however many hours short you are each week from your annual leave?

That's after dh sorts his half of the help of course.

@Brindisi32
Bloody good idea 👍

My bosses live in their own little bubble with no young dc or any of the other shite we've had to negotiate our way through since all this started so haven't got the first clue.

They seemed to think I'd had a nice few months off till I told them about home schooling a nearly secondary school pupil and a bloody gcse pupil along side the emotional ups and downs they went through to go with it.

The stress was unreal at times so it's insulting when they have no idea what it's like

I'd be inclined to tell them where to go. I simply can't be bothered with this sort of shit anymore.

The other option would be to ride this one out and hope that the rules change soon. But if they are inflexible about this I imagine they are in other areas too.

I did ask if I could use annual leave and got told no, annual leave must be booked in advance. If we bend the rules for you we'll have to do it for everyone.
They really are inflexible and expect everything from us but give nothing back. The only thing is I'm not being singled out, another woman at work in exactly the same situation
My husband has been great and he probably does more than 50% if I'm totally honest. I'm going to look in for a new job as I'm absolutely sick of management attitude. My manager also told me when his child was a Covid contact he didn't take a single day off (which is true but his wife is a SAHM so she looked after their child and is a totally different situation).

Them not letting you take annual leave is just silly - if you did, you would minimise the amount of time you are actually off over the year (acknowledging the timing may not be convenient but you can’t help that) It sounds like they are getting hamstrung by their own rules!

He shouldn't have to as you are already doing a fair 50/50 split but can OH pick up any more if his employers are more understanding?

So the decent employer would be picking up the tab for the nasty employer? Isn't that just an incentive for employers to be more arsey though?

@Rosebel

Yes it's unpaid.

Thought so. Having to look after your isolating child means sacrificing income. It’s time to get a bit assertive with your employer. Point out when you have gone the extra mile. If there’s a HR section tell them, in writing, what the problem is. This could be useful for you in the future. I’m interested to know what type of job you have.

Op of course you’re not bu. The comments to the contrary here are mumsnet madness at its best. Utterly insane, some of you

@Brefugee

I can't WFH and nor can my husband. I'm so pissed off with work who seem to think I should have back up childcare in place, even though I literally have no family to help and the fact my son is meant to be isolating so shouldn't be mixing anyway.

If i employed someone with a small child i would expect them to have watertight backup for childcare issues in place. Your work simply don't have to care that you are not organised enough to work when you are supposed to. Harsh? sure. But it is reality.

So @Brefugee by your own admission this post irrelevant! So why post? It's neither kind nor helpful

I knew there would be Capitalism Bingo on this thread.
A business can't be expected to put up with employees feckless needs like complying with the current laws of the land
If you have children why should anyone else have to trouble themselves about their care, your job should always come first, kids are a lifestyle choice blah blah blah....
All that shite started this time last year when we were barely out of lockdown 1.

We are being told to isolate. The government has not offered workable solutions but has presented working parents with a Kafkaesque mosaic of requirements and mandates that mutually contradict each other. It is not the fault of individuals like OP that they cannot work when young children are isolating.

I think @Brefugee realised she was BU and her next post took it back

I can see both sides of this (although your employer sounds very inflexible regarding annual leave etc. Which seems unreasonable). From a business perspective it is likely more than an irritation and the disruption has been going on for so long that it is likely affecting the sustainability of their business. I agree there’s nothing you can do and it’s out of your control but it’s equally out of theirs and so frustration on both sides is reasonable and to be expected.

My manager also told me when his child was a Covid contact he didn't take a single day off (which is true but his wife is a SAHM so she looked after their child and is a totally different situation).

This is a fucking outrageous thing to say.

My manager telling me I'm letting the team and our customers down makes me feel shit even though it's outside my control.

No, actually, this sort of "frustration" is not acceptable from OP's employer, given the situation. At all.

If you actually could leave then just maintain the mindset of IDGAS. Nothing anyone can do about it and only you will lose out. Always a guilt trip with a child and work, whether covid or just illness, so ride it out and ignore it. Change your mindset about it as loads of others will be doing the same believe me. I wish I hadn’t wasted time worrying about having time off when my children were ill but I did.Don’t do the same!

Op, you are definitely NBU, not even 1%. Some of these posts have given me the rage! Like pp’s have said, this is all due to change imminently so hang in there but your employer has given you a great reason to look elsewhere on the qt. I’m in the same depressing sinking boat, my eldest is currently in isolation due to positive case at school but our bosses aren’t arseholes and instead ask if there is anything they can do, this is a global problem and NO you can’t plan for child care during a pandemic especially since they occur in an estimated 100 year cycle. I really can’t believe the “child care is your problem not your employer’s” in this very unique situation, I mean FFS!!! In normal times, you’d find me agreeing but some cretins can’t seem to wrap their heads around some HUGE differences.

Whenever I read posts like this, I feel grateful that my employer doesn't think or behave this way.

just telling it like it is. We can't have it all ways. Sure employers should be more family friendly (but they should be employee friendly, it's not only families that need support but a lot of people with young kids overlook this and this does cause resentment among the other empoyees). So yes, they should. That would be ideal.

But if it is perceived - even if that's not true and you can counter it with facts - that women are constantly taking unplanned time off for kids (for whatever reason but especially along the lines of "no childcare" for whatever reason) it plays in to the hands of everyone who thinks women should be at home with their children. Or part-time. And definitely not in any responsible positions with authority.

And many many many women fight this all their working lives (I have such stories) and never get as far as they should because of it. EVEN when they never ever take a day off sick or for unexpected childcare or - in many other cases - don't even have children.

It is what it is and we need to change it. But until then: employers will, and do (and understandably) will be grumpy about that.

*What is OP actually able to do in this situation?

Her son needs to isolate. This means he cannot be left with anybody not in OP's household. Meaning they all have to isolate with him.

Anything else is breaking the rules.*

This, quite simply.

@Coyoacan

He shouldn't have to as you are already doing a fair 50/50 split but can OH pick up any more if his employers are more understanding?

So the decent employer would be picking up the tab for the nasty employer? Isn't that just an incentive for employers to be more arsey though?

Yes I know. And he shouldn't have to. I was just thinking if it smooths things over a bit this time it might help OP keep her job and give time if they want to look for a new one. It's a shame the government didn't make any laws/rules about it but instead let families struggle.

I agree, and i did say before, that the situation with OP is wrong. It is wrong that she can't use annual leave.

I would normally say "so just phone in and say you can't come because isolating and that you want them to deduct the days from your annual leave and follow that up with an email to your boss and HR if you have one" And then go back as normal afterwards. They might try to fire you. They may give you a written warning. And then you get your union involved and their lawyer explains in great detail to your employers what the current situation is and that will be it.

Except that i know the answer is "I'm not in a union" so i won't bother.

Take the time off, OP, do what i outlined above and hope that they see sense? It's shit. But as i said before it is what it is and you need to persuade your employer (with the other woman who is also affected) that they are arses and not with the zeitgeist.

@Brefugee

Whenever I read posts like this, I feel grateful that my employer doesn't think or behave this way.

just telling it like it is. We can't have it all ways. Sure employers should be more family friendly (but they should be employee friendly, it's not only families that need support but a lot of people with young kids overlook this and this does cause resentment among the other empoyees). So yes, they should. That would be ideal.

But if it is perceived - even if that's not true and you can counter it with facts - that women are constantly taking unplanned time off for kids (for whatever reason but especially along the lines of "no childcare" for whatever reason) it plays in to the hands of everyone who thinks women should be at home with their children. Or part-time. And definitely not in any responsible positions with authority.

And many many many women fight this all their working lives (I have such stories) and never get as far as they should because of it. EVEN when they never ever take a day off sick or for unexpected childcare or - in many other cases - don't even have children.

It is what it is and we need to change it. But until then: employers will, and do (and understandably) will be grumpy about that.

But I don't think anyone is refuting that women do end up taking more time off to care for children? Surely that's one of the main issues?

We live in a society which still expects women to be the main caregivers and sacrifice career progression to raise their families. However, this role isn't valued in the way working outside the home is because we live in a capitalist society and money is king.

Because looking after children isn't seen as a valuable contribution to society, people like the OP (and most other parents) constantly find themselves battling against the current when it comes to balancing employer's expectations and the realities of raising children in a home where neither parents is a SHP.

The pandemic has just highlighted how untenable modern living is. But either we go back to having at least one parent at home (who can afford that?) or employers have to start working on ways they can accommodate people's other life commitments.