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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
CoastalWave · 05/07/2021 20:13

100 per cent unacceptable. You don't have to provide a reason not to consent, it's the same with HPV vax which they have at this age. It doesn't matter that other people are tutting and disapproving - you don't have to justify yourself to them.I am a nurse and consent hundreds of people for procedures every year. This is not okay, it's a breach of informed consent.Complain without a doubt. I would be livid if this was my DD and I would most certainly be taking this forward.

FINALLY. A voice of reason on this thread. OP I would also be absolutely LIVID. End of.

1000% take it forward.

wjg65ka · 05/07/2021 20:14

Although I don't agree with you not consenting to him being tested (and I know my opinion isn't relevant at all)

The school should have respected your wishes. This is very wrong of them and I'd proceed to take it further as imagine if this had happened in a medical situation e.g. vaccination or medication without consent

PattyPan · 05/07/2021 20:14

Yabu and probably your son thinks Yabu as well and didn’t want to tell you! It’s a cotton bud up the nose ffs what good reasons could you possibly have to not consent

Bizawit · 05/07/2021 20:15

@duckme

I'm confused. So for my consent to be upheld, everyone has to agree with my reasoning behind it?
Ignore it OP. Clearly people don’t understand the importance and meaning of consent. They also apparently don’t understand the position of a 13 year old child in relation to a figure of authority. People are awful and stupid when it comes to anything to do with covid measures. You are absolutely not being unreasonable and you must complain.
0None0 · 05/07/2021 20:15

Your child is old enough to give his consent.

It cannot in fact be done without his cooperation. Which can be taken as consent

I’ve known cases where consent has been withheld for medical procedures, and the procedure has gone ahead anyway. The patient not refusing to cooperate was taken as legal consent.

And I’m talking about actual medical procedures, blood transfusions, etc. Not being touched in the throat with a blob of cotton wool.

Your son consented. And cooperated. This is beyond dispute.

You have no rights here at all

loulouljh · 05/07/2021 20:15

I would be utterly furious.

Mountaingoatling · 05/07/2021 20:15

@duckme

I'm confused. So for my consent to be upheld, everyone has to agree with my reasoning behind it?
Do you not know what the word REASONable means???? Or is this all just about attention?
candycane222 · 05/07/2021 20:15

The school was unreasonable to ask for your consent if they don't actually require it, or indeed, if they don't intend to abide by what parents say. I can see why you are miffed, as asking your consent appears to have been misleading.

However the correct course of action by the school IMO is to tell you that the children were having tests in order to protect the other children, the other children's families, and the staff, given the rapidly increasing rate of Covid infection.

In the US you can't access education without various kinds of vaccines, never mind taking tests.

I can't understand why you would demand that your child to risks harming others around him, unless he has special needs that mean the test is harmful to him. It seems both irresponsible and pointless.

dreamingbohemian · 05/07/2021 20:15

@duckme

I'm confused. So for my consent to be upheld, everyone has to agree with my reasoning behind it?
No

The point is that it's possible your son did freely consent, in which case it overrides your consent

And it's more likely that he did freely consent if your reasons are batshit

loulouljh · 05/07/2021 20:16

Putting aside the ethiics around them co-ercing him into this, I would never trust the school again once they had done this.

DysmalRadius · 05/07/2021 20:16

I'm surprised at the replies here - it doesn't matter that it's just a test or that it doesn't take long. The school obviously thought it appropriate to seek consent for the test and it was explicitly denied by parent and child. That should have been the end of it and the OP's reasons and the nature of the test shouldn't come into it.

chickenyhead · 05/07/2021 20:17

Nothing was done to him. He did it himself.

Maryjane3227 · 05/07/2021 20:17

I hope none of the staff or students at his school have underlying health conditions. Staff aren't shielding anymore. Everyone is trying to get back to normal. Fat chance thanks to some people.
If your son had a serious medical issue or was on a health care plan, the school would know.
You're an absolute piss taker. I'll bet you're the first to moan about everything. You make me laugh. Good luck to your poor son.

sergeilavrov · 05/07/2021 20:17

He was given information by the nurse, and is old enough to give informed consent on certain medical issues. His own consent overrides your own. Just as if you consented to him having a medical test, and he declined, they rightly wouldn’t proceed.

SupermanInk · 05/07/2021 20:17

OP, when you spoke to your son at home, did you ask him if he wanted the test? Did you give him the choice? If so what was his answer?

thatisschocking · 05/07/2021 20:17

@CoastalWave

100 per cent unacceptable. You don't have to provide a reason not to consent, it's the same with HPV vax which they have at this age. It doesn't matter that other people are tutting and disapproving - you don't have to justify yourself to them.I am a nurse and consent hundreds of people for procedures every year. This is not okay, it's a breach of informed consent.Complain without a doubt. I would be livid if this was my DD and I would most certainly be taking this forward.

FINALLY. A voice of reason on this thread. OP I would also be absolutely LIVID. End of.

1000% take it forward.

this - though nb I and others had also said this upthread so there had been other voices of reason!!
DentonsFringeArnottsWaistcoat · 05/07/2021 20:18

It's the matter of consent though
It's still something being done against my consent. But because it
involves covid, it just doesn't matter!

It isn’t just COVID, Gillick Competency applies to medical treatment and procedures. The issue would be the same for the HPV vaccine for example. However, Gillick Competency very specifically outlaws coercion or undue influence from others. If the situation happened as you said, then you would be right to complain. OTOH, your assertion that
I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one also goes against the Gillick Competency ruling.

Menora · 05/07/2021 20:18

I think plenty of people have explained Fraser competency to you now OP!

You have your sons word on what happened, is it likely that he just went along with it because he is deemed able to make his own decision? I don’t know why they make you fill out consent forms to be honest if they are worthless in this scenario. It doesn’t sound like he objected particularly strongly to the test
Test is not the same as a vaccine by the way. They aren’t the same kind of medical procedure

Lostmarbles2021 · 05/07/2021 20:18

His body. His choice.

mam0918 · 05/07/2021 20:18

@Daisychaincarrot

God you sound like hard work
My first thought when reading the OP too... what a tiresome person with nothing going on to pick this unnessacery hill to die on.

If child had some issue where they're vunerable and cant advocate and was pinned down and forced I would totally understand but the seems to be a normal teen boy who had the capability to speak for himself and did consent against his mothers wishes - you cant override his consent when its his body.

Allington · 05/07/2021 20:19

Well, if you can't give a reasonable explanation of why you don't want him to have a test it isn't surprising that your DS doesn't go along with your reasoning.

Maryjane3227 · 05/07/2021 20:19

I'd also ask why the school didn't know about this already because as he must be at least year 7, you presumably would have been asked to make sure he did LF tests since Autumn.
You must enjoy winding people up.
I don't care about your reason.

Bizawit · 05/07/2021 20:20

@Lostmarbles2021

His body. His choice.
But it sounds like he didn’t choose at all. He was humiliated and lectured in front of his classmates by an adult authority figure at school. He’s a child. Do you understand anything about consent and power? Clearly not.
Zhampagne · 05/07/2021 20:20

It’s possible that your son was coerced into having the test by an authority figure.

It’s also possible that your son was quite happy to consent but knew how you would react and has therefore framed the interaction in a certain way to you.

Northernlurker · 05/07/2021 20:20

He is too young to give consent. That's the only issue here. I would lose my rag with the school and call ofsted.