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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
ancientgran · 05/07/2021 20:20

I don't know what the legal position is with testing but at 13 he is likely to be Gillick competent so I assume if he consented then that is enough. As I say I don't know but it always infuriated me that the school wouldn't give my kids a paracetamol for a headache but if they wanted to go on the pill or have the morning after pill they could consent to that and the school would facilitate it. Never made sense to me as I thought consenting to a paracetamol was less of an issue than the morning after pill.

luckylavender · 05/07/2021 20:20

You sound bloody minded OP. You put your son in a really difficult situation. 13 is a tricky age to be shown up in front of your pals. And your analogy of a flu vaccine us rubbish. A LFT isn't a procedure.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 05/07/2021 20:20

What the invasive test I have to have three times a week for my job puhleaaase. You sound a bit hysterical and weird IMO.

EvilEdna1 · 05/07/2021 20:20

I work in a school and I the most common reason parents very reluctant to allow their child to take a test is the risk it is positive and other family members need to isolate which is a massive inconvenience.

candyflossss · 05/07/2021 20:20

terrifying how many people would sign away all of our consent and rights over this.

truly terrifying.

Ghosttile · 05/07/2021 20:21

He’s not too young to give consent.

SamMil · 05/07/2021 20:21

It was unacceptable for the school to ignore the consent form, where you explicitly said you did not consent.

I do think you are being unreasonable in not wanting him to have this done (i really wouldn't consider this invasive and LFTs can hopefully help speed up the return to normality, and protect people!), but it doesn't mean the school were right to go against your wishes. If the child is old enough to consent, why ask for a signed form from the parent?

TotorosCatBus · 05/07/2021 20:21

Yanbu not to give consent

I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one.

Makes it sound like you told your son not to get tested rather than remind him that it's up to him.

Ime secondary schools ideally want your consent as well as your son's but his consent will override yours. So if you said no but he said yes then the school was right to LFT him.

If the nurse coerced him that's far from ok. But I can't help but wonder if this story is accurate and that he felt pressured when his friends were doing it and the nurse mentioned her opinion on not doing an LFT. Is it possible he agreed with your views on LFT because teenagers know that it's the quickest way to end the subject and he didn't fancy a mass debate on something he might not even have an opinion on?

If daily LFT is replacing contact isolation in September then you might have to reconsider your views if it's the only way to avoid contact isolation.

Chamonixshoopshoop · 05/07/2021 20:21

Let's all let this virus rumble on and on. Fuck everyone else eh? As long as my rights are protected.
Let's keep coronavirus around forever.
I'm alright jack.

GreenCrayon · 05/07/2021 20:22

@candyflossss

terrifying how many people would sign away all of our consent and rights over this.

truly terrifying.

No one has said that.
canigooutyet · 05/07/2021 20:22

Them being able to consent themselves also includes them getting condoms from the school nurses without you being informed. Referrals to various services for contraception and even terminations.

THere are reasons why this was introduced a long time ago.

Selfishjeans · 05/07/2021 20:22

YANBU. The test is not the issue here, it is the schools complete lack of regard for your stated wish. I would feel the same OP.

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 20:22

@Maryjane3227

I hope none of the staff or students at his school have underlying health conditions. Staff aren't shielding anymore. Everyone is trying to get back to normal. Fat chance thanks to some people. If your son had a serious medical issue or was on a health care plan, the school would know. You're an absolute piss taker. I'll bet you're the first to moan about everything. You make me laugh. Good luck to your poor son.
Please do explain.
OP posts:
roguetomato · 05/07/2021 20:22

I thought 13 years old can give consent himself against parent's will anyway?
It's just a test, he wasn't given any meds or vaccine, it's none issue, tbh.

millymoo1202 · 05/07/2021 20:23

School are in the wrong, no point to asking for consent if they’re just going to do it , but so are you in regards to pushing him into not having it unless there is a valid reason.

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/07/2021 20:23

So far today I’ve had a PCR, an LFT and a transvaginal ultrasound exam.

Two of those weren’t invasive procedures.

Milesbennettdyson · 05/07/2021 20:23

It sounds like he’s “Gillick competent” so he doesn’t need your consent

Rosesareyellow · 05/07/2021 20:23

The point is that it's possible your son did freely consent, in which case it overrides your consent

And it's more likely that he did freely consent if your reasons are batshit

Indeed. Since OP won’t share them it’s fair to assume they are bat shit. Most people have agreed to test and if he isn’t doing so it will be known amongst his peers. He probably feels singled out and uncomfortable because of this, and as pp said there will be others with health issues who want to get back to normal as much as possible and understandably will feel the need to avoid him if he isn’t able to do his upmost to be safe.

WaltzingTilda · 05/07/2021 20:23

The schools should reserve the right to send pupils home if consent is withheld without a valid reason, so parents can then discuss as a family if an adult can take the time off work/work from home due to childcare.

Lalliella · 05/07/2021 20:23

Oh my God, you’re THAT parent. Get a fucking grip. The poor boy was probably mortified that you’d put him in that position. Good for him for having a mind of his own and consenting to the test. Do you control him in other ways too?

Whinge · 05/07/2021 20:23

But it sounds like he didn’t choose at all. He was humiliated and lectured in front of his classmates by an adult authority figure at school. He’s a child. Do you understand anything about consent and power? Clearly not.

Humiliated and lectured? Confused Were you there?

On the other hand the OP has said I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. Not once has the OP said her son didn't want the test, just that the OP didn't consent to him having it.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 05/07/2021 20:24

Surely he carried out the "medical procedure" on himself?? In what way is this invasive Hmm

NautaOcts · 05/07/2021 20:24

Whatever the decision, agree in principle it’s ridiculous for school to ask for consent if they are going to take no notice of the answer

thatisschocking · 05/07/2021 20:24

@Allington

Well, if you can't give a reasonable explanation of why you don't want him to have a test it isn't surprising that your DS doesn't go along with your reasoning.
The OP didn't post about her reasoning or whether her ds had been reasonable. She asked whether the nurse/chool had been unreasonable. And the answer is yes.
SophieJo · 05/07/2021 20:24

I think your Covid fatigue is making you over react a lot.