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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 05/07/2021 20:01

I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one.

That sounds like you telling him he shouldn’t have it rather than just making him aware he has a choice.

thatisschocking · 05/07/2021 20:01

*nurse's

MissChanandlerBong90 · 05/07/2021 20:01

BUT, I agree OP that an authority figure challenging the consent not given, in front of everyone, until your son 'changed his mind' is not informed consent. I work for the NHS and in medical research and that is totally unacceptable. I would definitely complain.

Exactly. I’ve seen a couple of people on the thread referring to Gillick competence. I’m no expect on Gillick competence but I don’t believe the test is whether a child ‘changes their mind’ on being challenged by an authority figure in the presence of all their peers.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/07/2021 20:02

When you got the form, did you ask your son before signing it what he wanted to do? Or did you complete it without seeking his opinion?

Laiste · 05/07/2021 20:02

OP you haven't addressed the point that your son did consent and he is at an age where he has that power despite your own wishes.

ForeverFloating · 05/07/2021 20:02

He was probably mortified in front of his classmates and teachers and just wanted to get it done.
I don’t get how it’s invasive tbh, it’s a quick pain free swab

BritWifeInUSA · 05/07/2021 20:02

So what was the point of the school sending out the ginseng forms?

I’m with you, OP. And you don’t have to justify your reasons for not consenting you a test. Least of all to the MN vipers. Just as no one has to justify why they don’t feed their children meat or sweets. He’s your child. It doesn’t matter if the test is minimally invasive. Doesn’t matter what other people think. If you’ve said no, you’ve said no. End of discussion.

Iwonder08 · 05/07/2021 20:02

OP's reasoning is completely irrelevant! Why do they ask for parental consent if they intend to ignore it anyway? I would complain.

BritWifeInUSA · 05/07/2021 20:03

Ginseng = consent!!!

Laiste · 05/07/2021 20:04

@BritWifeInUSA

Ginseng = consent!!!
Typo made me LOL
candyflossss · 05/07/2021 20:04

yeah unfortunately you're going to get people focusing on why you dont want your son to have the test rather than the actual issue you asked about.

for what it's worth, yanbu to be concerned and annoyed that you declined consent and that was completely ignored. it doesnt matter whether they agree with you or not. what was the point in them asking for consent otherwise?

if the school have safety concerns then they should contact you and tell you although I dont think it is currently a rule that you have to have a negative test to go to school (wouldnt be surprised if it is one day in the future though!)

BarbarianMum · 05/07/2021 20:04

I think it's pretty ironic that the OP is complaining that the nurse "coerced" her son when she didn't exactly give him a choice either. Perhaps if she had talked it through with her son and let him choose he'd have had more confidence in defending his position when challenged?

pussycatlickinglollyices · 05/07/2021 20:05

FFS

Nobody died because he had a LFT!

🤷🏻‍♀️

Awalkintime · 05/07/2021 20:05

I'd be checking his story and if thats really the case or is he saying he was pressured to prevent a bollocking from you about going against your wishes. It is easier to blame someone else for it than stand up to a mum he knows will give him grief.

PieceOfString · 05/07/2021 20:05

What is the point of a consent form if it is ignored anyway< if these are the professinoal standards of the people administering things they are just a box ticking exercise which is bad news. On that basis your complaint is valid and the nurse should be retrained on consent regardless of what her personal opinions on your choice are.
If consent forms are ignored (not just missed but ignored) the trust between school and parents is damaged and the system is made into a farce.
Anyone can think what they like about your choice but the fact is that it is a choice and your right to choose is the issue

Trees123456789 · 05/07/2021 20:05

You are definitely not being unreasonable. If they ignore your wishes for that, they will ignore your wishes for other things. That is absolutely not ok and I would be making that very, very clear.

notanothertakeaway · 05/07/2021 20:05

At my DC's school, they ask for consent but explain that a child over 12 is presumed to have sufficient maturity to decide

MrsMiddleMother · 05/07/2021 20:05

Wow all the posters calling op unreasonable, I really hope you have a good talk with your kids about consent and coercion since they can consent to invasive tests and whatever else at 13 Hmm

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 20:05

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

When you got the form, did you ask your son before signing it what he wanted to do? Or did you complete it without seeking his opinion?
Yes, we had a discussion as a family beforehand.
OP posts:
Inthesameboat2 · 05/07/2021 20:05

I think that if your son agreed with your decision and also didn't want to do the tests, but wasn't confident enough to say no when being lectured/guilted into doing it then YANBU.

YA(also)NBU to say that if they ask for parental consent and you refuse, then they shouldn't be able to ignore this when it suits them to do so.

At his age, which is not to say you didn't do this, I would've left the decision to him and confirmed his choice with my consent, or lack thereof, depending on his wishes.

espressoontap · 05/07/2021 20:05

If during this 'discussion' he said he was happy to do the LF, would you have 'allowed' it?

Zippy1510 · 05/07/2021 20:06

Your son is old enough to consent to a test himself and hopefully is intelligent enough to do so

SamW98 · 05/07/2021 20:06

In think its appalling that they ask for parental consent, you don't give that consent but then your child is put into the position where he is coerced to go against your expressed wishes as his parent

They should never have put him in this position and if they felt they have reasons where your consent was to be requested again, they should have checked with you first

The nurses behaviour was appalling

Vintagevixen · 05/07/2021 20:06

100 per cent unacceptable. You don't have to provide a reason not to consent, it's the same with HPV vax which they have at this age. It doesn't matter that other people are tutting and disapproving - you don't have to justify yourself to them.

I am a nurse and consent hundreds of people for procedures every year. This is not okay, it's a breach of informed consent.

Complain without a doubt. I would be livid if this was my DD and I would most certainly be taking this forward.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/07/2021 20:07

I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one

You said in OP here that you told him he wasnt to have one. That doesnt read as if he was allowed any choice.

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