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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
Thewinterofdiscontent · 06/07/2021 04:53

I see the Op’s point but I think the fault is with the consent form really. It should be an opt out form not an opt in.
The assumption is that everyone in schools will do a LFT as they are so innocuous and at 13 they can do them themselves. If there was a reason people didn’t want to do them then they clearly should be allowed an opt out.
My DH had to do one everyday a week before he started working on a major event and all the way through. The option to refuse was “ no work”.

chaosrabbitland · 06/07/2021 04:56

@Mrstamborineman

Your son does not need your consent at 13 to have LFT. YABVVVVVVVVVVU and petty. It makes 0 (zero) difference to you.
yes they do need parental consent , as my dd school sent me a consent form , she didnt want to do the test , and i said no
hawkehurstgang · 06/07/2021 04:57

YABVU

hawkehurstgang · 06/07/2021 05:09

Sorry but it's not like they gave him the vaccine. This is a total non-event. You made a selfish decision, the school - who are obviously educators who you trust to educate your children - educated him about the selfishness and pointlessness of the decision, and he changed his mind by himself. Sometimes the who 'greater good' thing is a valid reason - someone could literally get extremely sick and pass away due to this decision you made. Your son sensibly changed his mind. The test will have no effect on him uet could literally save a life. And I say this as someone who totally respects people who chose NOT to be vaccinated - because vaccines are a much bigger deal and can affect the health of the individual, whereas the tests cannot.

Veterinari · 06/07/2021 05:21

I think it's pretty clear from this thread that most people are utterly clueless as to the ethics of informed consent Confused

AtlasPine · 06/07/2021 05:43

I totally disagree with your stance not to have LFTs yourself as a school worker, or to refuse to sign the form for your son because it’s not just about him - but I do agree on the point of principle that to ask for consent then ignore it and particularly to put pressure on a minor in front of his peers was not ethically right.

Roselilly36 · 06/07/2021 05:43

YANBU, you did not consent, your are his mum, and the choice should be respected.

Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 05:52

I always find it amusing and irksome, but can always rely on the accusation by page 2 that the child in these scenarios is a liar. Without fail

traumatisednoodle · 06/07/2021 05:54

In this instance, MANY of you disagree with my wishes, but I guarantee that in normal, non covid circumstances, there would be uproar if this had happened

Sorry OP this isn't true. Plenty of teenagers have their HPV teenage vaccines against parental wishes.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 06/07/2021 05:59

what do you think is going to happen now he has his lft?

Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 06:03

@PreacherTeacher

I'm in two minds really. One hand you did not consent therefore the school is wrong... But! It wasn't like it was a vaccine and a nurse injected him. He swabbed himself. Surely he could have just said "my mum said no" and not done it?
So do we actually keep letting things slide until they are vaccinated without our consent? There’s a reason why they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

These people will keep overriding our autonomy because it’s good for us, because, well Covid. How far will be too far for more than half these posters on this thread?

Blindly, accepting every breach of humanity because you don’t want to be ‘that’ person. Someone has to start being rational and saying no. Just because many may be okay with the status quo doesn’t mean we all have to be.

OP do what you need to do.

Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 06:10

@frumpety

I think the sticking point is that nobody actually physically did anything to your son, he performed the test on himself. He chose to do it, in all probability because he didn't want to look a tit in front of his peers, which in itself is a form of coercion, will you be emailing all the parents in your Son's year group to complain about their childrens part in all this ?
No just to the school who put him in that position and gave him a guilt trip in order to comply, and when his older emotionally abusive girlfriend does it in a couple of years to get sex out of him , it’ll be okay because he did it of his own volition in the end after being guilt tripped into it. And that will be okay. Or at least that’s what I’m getting from this thread.
Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 06:14

@GreenCrayon

If it was truly his own decision to not have one then why on earth does he need reminding of this?

Exactly. It honestly just sounds like when he was there in that moment he changed his mind and decided to have the test either that or he was always going to have it but he knew you didn't approve so agreed with you. I really doubt there was actually a lecture on why he should have it.

Doh the boy needs reminding about brushing his teeth and his P.E kit but he shouldn’t need reminding about the LFT. Of course he’ll need reminding.
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 06/07/2021 06:17

Many people seem to have missed the point. The family had a discussion, it was apparent that the DS only wanted the test to have a break from lessons, so it was decided that he wouldn't have it. The OP didn't give her consent. The DS was sent to the hall with everyone else, when he said "my mom says I'm not to have one", he was talked into it.

It doesn't matter why the OP doesn't agree with LFTs, her lack of consent was overridden, a 13yo was coerced into giving consent. This is very worrying.

DD 13 was given the choice of having an LFT on the first day back at school, I didn't give consent because she really doesn't like them. She knows I think she's being irresponsible and selfish. But no one coerced her into it, in fact, they were done before school, so she wasn't even in the building. Now they send the tests home, and she hasn't taken one.

joystir59 · 06/07/2021 06:22

In three years time he can legally get married. Just for context.

Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 06:22

@Chewbecca

It sounds like he has exercised his right to agree to have the test.

I really can’t understand why anyone would decline to be tested. It’s not comparable to declining a vax.

Except I think we all know, you’ll be saying similar when they start rolling out the vaccine for children.
Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 06:23

@Wowwe

They probably think why the hell are you declining a test for him! Madness
So that’s okay then!
Sparklingbrook · 06/07/2021 06:24

and when his older emotionally abusive girlfriend does it in a couple of years to get sex out of him , it’ll be okay because he did it of his own volition in the end after being guilt tripped into it. And that will be okay. Or at least that’s what I’m getting from this thread.

That's quite the leap there. Confused Not what i am getting from this thread at all.

Orchidflower1 · 06/07/2021 06:25

@duckme I’m scared of a post it be test f!ck everyone else my family are not doing it you’re all b u.

Most of MN son of @duckme WANTED to do the LFT but us scared his mum will be cross. HE GAVE CONSENT- it just wasn’t what you wanted.

Well done for raising a boy who is obviously more community minded than yourself.

tigger1001 · 06/07/2021 06:26

@TheLovelinessOfDemons

Many people seem to have missed the point. The family had a discussion, it was apparent that the DS only wanted the test to have a break from lessons, so it was decided that he wouldn't have it. The OP didn't give her consent. The DS was sent to the hall with everyone else, when he said "my mom says I'm not to have one", he was talked into it.

It doesn't matter why the OP doesn't agree with LFTs, her lack of consent was overridden, a 13yo was coerced into giving consent. This is very worrying.

DD 13 was given the choice of having an LFT on the first day back at school, I didn't give consent because she really doesn't like them. She knows I think she's being irresponsible and selfish. But no one coerced her into it, in fact, they were done before school, so she wasn't even in the building. Now they send the tests home, and she hasn't taken one.

I agree with this. What's the point of asking for parental consent if Its overridden at school?

Using peer pressure isn't the way to get informed consent.

Thankfully, here the tests are done at home, although the school still need parental permission, for the under 16's, to provide them the tests to bring home.

My eldest and I had a discussion about it, as although I had to consent it's his body. He did agree, but if he didn't I wouldn't have overwritten his view, informed consent is important.

Orchidflower1 · 06/07/2021 06:26

and when his older emotionally abusive girlfriend does it in a couple of years to get sex out of him , it’ll be okay because he did it of his own volition in the end after being guilt tripped into it. And that will be okay. Or at least that’s what I’m getting from this thread.

Don’t be so dense. That’s not what is being discussed her- go project somewhere else.

EveryoneElseDoes · 06/07/2021 06:27

OP, I don't agree with your stance on LFTs - in fact, I think it's very silly and illogical based on what you've said so far - but I do agree that consent (at 13, particularly the child's consent of lack thereof) should not be overridden by the school.

HOWEVER, it strikes me very forcefully that your 13 year old son was initially interested in getting the LFT in order to get out of lessons for a few minutes.

Before you go in all guns blazing about this supposedly bullying, lecturing teacher forcing your son into this test against his will, do consider the (at least as likely) possibility that your son may be telling you a little fib in order to get out of his lessons and do what all his mates are doing, but keep onside with you and your strongly held views at the same time.

Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 06:31

@ChloeCrocodile

OP, I’d ask for the qualifications of the person who authorised him to do the test without your consent. Assessing competency for teenagers to make medical decisions is not something school staff are generally trained to do. If it was a HCP then you probably have to accept that the correct procedure was followed. It is unlikely tho - the vast majority of people doing LFTs in my area are teachers and support staff.
Shall I tell you why the correct procedure was not followed.

Because he should never have been in a line to get the LFT done as they had no consent;
because he should never have been questioned because he should never have been in the line to get the LFT done as they had no consent;
Because he should never have been coerced because he should …..

You get my drift. No consent = stay in class. Consent = LFT

PattyPan · 06/07/2021 06:33

Doh the boy needs reminding about brushing his teeth and his P.E kit but he shouldn’t need reminding about the LFT. Of course he’ll need reminding.

I don’t think disorganisation can be equated with forgetting your own views on something. My DP needs reminding to do housework and eat lunch but I don’t remind him who to vote for.

rwalker · 06/07/2021 06:34

@duckme
rwalker
I'm guessing you don't work and have a lot of time on your hands .

Wrong on both accounts there. Sorry. Interested to hear how you came to this thoughhmm

By your own comments you state he was happy to have them you aren't . At 13 if he wanted it he should have it .
I doubt very much you have a balance view of the conversation that went on at school with him
I wouldn't have the time or inclination to make a drama over this. It was a swab not donating a kidney .