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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
chaosrabbitland · 06/07/2021 06:35

my dd 12 has said she doesnt want to have it which is fine with me as i dont see the point in kids having to shove swabs to their throats and noses every week , if the tests were even proven to be realiable , despite the fact iv declined her consent her school have tried to do exactly the same thing and guilt trip /pressure her into having them and its wrong ,totally wrong , they have no business overiding a consent form from a parent , and i suspect if this post was about anything other than bloody covid testing the op would have had full agreement , as it is because it is covid testing anyone who declines their child to have it is selfish and its great the school pressured her son into having a test he hadnt been consented for ,

TheReluctantPhoenix · 06/07/2021 06:36

You are right to be angry that your lack of consent was ignored. Thirteen is young in a school setting, and some would struggle to disobey a teacher.

OTOH, I have zero respect for your refusal. I wonder what your ‘family’ discussion was like. You sound quite strong and confident (politely put). Would your son feel comfortable disagreeing with you? Did you voice both the pros and cons of the test, or just tell your son why he should not be having it?

Ultimately, it is a medical procedure (albeit a minor one), so it should be your call. And the school does need to address why it was ignored.

Equally, however, you cannot expect to be applauded for what is a selfish decision, like the school kids going around arrogantly claiming their mask ‘exemption’ (their parents have exempted them as they don’t believe in masks….).

motherrunner · 06/07/2021 06:37

OP, what will you do come Sept when bubbles will be replaced by LFTs for close contacts and your son will be required to daily rest for 10 days?

Basil2021 · 06/07/2021 06:37

As a teacher, I strongly suspect that your son wanted to have the LFT and has told you a fib.

Original poster
duckme · 06/07/2021 06:43

@TheReluctantPhoenix

You are right to be angry that your lack of consent was ignored. Thirteen is young in a school setting, and some would struggle to disobey a teacher.

OTOH, I have zero respect for your refusal. I wonder what your ‘family’ discussion was like. You sound quite strong and confident (politely put). Would your son feel comfortable disagreeing with you? Did you voice both the pros and cons of the test, or just tell your son why he should not be having it?

Ultimately, it is a medical procedure (albeit a minor one), so it should be your call. And the school does need to address why it was ignored.

Equally, however, you cannot expect to be applauded for what is a selfish decision, like the school kids going around arrogantly claiming their mask ‘exemption’ (their parents have exempted them as they don’t believe in masks….).

I can assure you that my son is very comfortable disagreeing with me! I also don't expect anyone to applaud my decision. I don't expect to have to provide any reasoning behind my decision. I wasn't asked to on the consent form. It was a yes or no question. My aibu was regarding the schools decision to override/ignore my consent. It shouldn't matter what the consent was regarding. If there was a safeguarding issue which meant my child couldn't appear in the media and I had declined consent for him to be on the media via school, but the bbc visited his school and wanted to do a piece about the Euros. My son really wanted to be involved in the piece and asked the teacher to let him take part. Should they then take his consent over mine?
OP posts:
chaosrabbitland · 06/07/2021 06:44

@scrambledcustard

I wonder how many will be happy clappy for their kids to take part in a new clinical school trial that involves trying out new vaccines etc with out their parents consent - because this is one step away. I mean, hey they are 13 years old. They can decide their own lives right?
judging be the replies on here i reckon there would be loads , only have to mention it involves covid and everyones vigoriously agreeing , a lot of the replies to op are beyond belief , only with covid tests could you have other parents agreeing its ok for a school to pressure a 13 yr old into a test he didnt want to do and his mum had declined consent for
FrangipaniBlue · 06/07/2021 06:44

@duckme

I'm confused. So for my consent to be upheld, everyone has to agree with my reasoning behind it?
Not everybody, just your son.
moovinon · 06/07/2021 06:52

I can't believe how many people are talking through their arse on this post. Almost every parent on here would absolutely flip their lid if they had told the school their kid was not to have a certain procedure and they completely ignored you. The school asked for consent and it wasn't given. That should have been enough.

Thankgoodness1 · 06/07/2021 06:53

Omg can’t get over “invasive test” Grin

Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 06:55

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

And we only have the OPs son's account of what happened. Given his mother's reaction to him having the test, it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if he is trying to deny that he consented freely. He is trying to avoid the inevitable argument that would ensue.
Why would he need to mention it at all?
Shieldmaiden01 · 06/07/2021 06:58

YANBU

Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 07:01

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

If the OP did not want it and her son (at the time before being cajoled) was happy with that decision then that is the end of it and nobody has the right to overrule that.

The son had the right to overrule it. And he did. He conducted the test on himself.

Absolutely, right up to the point where he was coerced into that overturned decisions
scrambledcustard · 06/07/2021 07:02

@Jux

Over-riding your consent under any circumstances is disgraceful.
I agree. It doesn't matter what it is.

I'm sickened that some poster likened this to Alfi Evans. Shame on you. This place is disgusting at times.

Whoarethewho · 06/07/2021 07:05

This is why the UK's soft touch methods of public service provision need to change. Can you imagine any of the south Asian countries allowing to withdraw consent for testing at school? For me it shouldn't be a choice if you want your child to attend school they take a lft in school under supervision. No exceptions. I highly doubt places like China allow all these exceptions

Faultymain5 · 06/07/2021 07:06

@JedEye

sorry OP but it’s hard to see past why you didn’t give your consent for something like this. The fact they completely ignored your wishes is terrible. But… so might your reasons be for not giving consent.

So I guess it feels relevant to know why you didn’t.

Please refuse jury duty if you can’t get past thinking about the point in hand.
scrambledcustard · 06/07/2021 07:07

@moovinon

I can't believe how many people are talking through their arse on this post. Almost every parent on here would absolutely flip their lid if they had told the school their kid was not to have a certain procedure and they completely ignored you. The school asked for consent and it wasn't given. That should have been enough.
I agree. but its 'Covid'

"for the greater goooooooood'.....

bye bye parental consent forms... dont come crying on here when your school stops asking for your consent because you've shown you are quite happy to allow the school to make those decisions.

00feckingbollocks · 06/07/2021 07:08

You are of course right to be furious that the school overrode your wishes but you sound like a professional controversialist and absolutely delighted to have something to shout about. You will of course deny this but I bet you had a little thrill when you realised what had happened.

scrambledcustard · 06/07/2021 07:08

@Whoarethewho

This is why the UK's soft touch methods of public service provision need to change. Can you imagine any of the south Asian countries allowing to withdraw consent for testing at school? For me it shouldn't be a choice if you want your child to attend school they take a lft in school under supervision. No exceptions. I highly doubt places like China allow all these exceptions
And yet Boris has said that all restrictions are to be lifted next week. Pointless no?
chaosrabbitland · 06/07/2021 07:09

@moovinon

I can't believe how many people are talking through their arse on this post. Almost every parent on here would absolutely flip their lid if they had told the school their kid was not to have a certain procedure and they completely ignored you. The school asked for consent and it wasn't given. That should have been enough.
this , but because its a covid test all the hand wringing and cries of selfish start up and the fact the school pressured him into it is ok ,
ittakes2 · 06/07/2021 07:09

I suspect at 13 if the rest of the class was having them there is a chance he didn’t want to be the odd one out. My 14 year old had to delay one of his jabs at school due to medical reasons - he begged me to let him have it because he was embarrassed he was the odd one out.

TheKeatingFive · 06/07/2021 07:13

I can't believe how many people are talking through their arse on this post. Almost every parent on here would absolutely flip their lid if they had told the school their kid was not to have a certain procedure and they completely ignored you. The school asked for consent and it wasn't given. That should have been enough.

This.

Though I guess it’s not surprising in that once posters decide they disagree with her original decision, it’s Carte Blanche to bin all logic and rational thought apparently. Hmm

frumpety · 06/07/2021 07:14

I kind of agree with @Faultymain5 , in that I don't understand why he went to the hall , was he told he had to ? or did he just take the opportunity to go on a bit of a wander with all his friends and then felt obliged to do the test once he was there ? Would he have been the only one left back in the classroom or were there other children he could have stayed with who also didn't have parental consent ? Being the odd one out at that age is tough.

This is what I was trying to get over about being between a rock and a hard place, on the one hand he knows you said he doesn't have to have it, on the other all his friends are getting out of lessons and wandering off down the corridor, laughing and joking and he wants a bit of that action, so he decided to go with them. Or was he told he had to go to the test area ?

I am just wondering what you assumed would happen from a logistical point of view ? Your daughter did the tests so she would have been able to tell you what happened with the children who didn't for whatever reason, did they just remain in the classroom or did everyone have to go to the test area regardless ?

I think I might be miffed if he was made to go to the hall especially if he mentioned at that point he wasn't supposed to be having the test.

Sparklingbrook · 06/07/2021 07:16

Why aren't the LFTs just done in the classroom?

KaleJuicer · 06/07/2021 07:16

OP I don’t agree with your stance on LFTs but I’m furious on your behalf that your directive was ignored. In medical competence terms your son’s view could override yours but the “consent” they obtained on the day could be deemed coercive and not freely given (consent must be freely given to be valid).

So the schools approach is concerning in this specific instance and generally. Imagine it in other scenarios : HPV vaccine, taking part in certain PHSE lessons that the family has opted out of for religious reasons etc. If in each case the school thinks they can “reason” with a child in front of their classmates and override the parents wishes that is a very slippery slope.

And to reiterate - I am in favour of LFTs and respecting the bodily autonomy and wishes of Gillick competent children. The school handled this unprofessionally IMO.

KateTheEighth · 06/07/2021 07:16

I do understand your annoyance but kids do their own LFTs surely? The school didn't "conduct it on him" so they might say he did it of his own free will blah blah