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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 05/07/2021 23:38

@twelly

A parent makes a decision the schools follow it- the form asked for consent - it was not given.
No. Suppose the parent had given consent and the child refuses - should they be held down and swabbed?
JedEye · 05/07/2021 23:39

sorry OP but it’s hard to see past why you didn’t give your consent for something like this. The fact they completely ignored your wishes is terrible. But… so might your reasons be for not giving consent.

So I guess it feels relevant to know why you didn’t.

LolaSmiles · 05/07/2021 23:43

chickenyhead
True, but they assess within their area of expertise.

I'm not suitably qualified or trained in healthcare to decide that a minor knows enough about a health procedure to justify overruling parental consent, and I highly doubt many school staff are. There's a reason that the informed consent section from the government specifies parental consent forms for under 16s.

Zandathepanda · 05/07/2021 23:43

It’s a swab up the nose and in the throat. Hardly a horrendous medical procedure. To indirectly protect CV people around him. How about going over to the vulnerable children thread to see how they are feeling? ‘Consent’ becomes a bit of a luxury item when your CV - I would love the pupils around my Dd to consent to wearing masks to keep her safe but, fair enough, that won’t happen. But complain about a swab when teachers are trying to keep everyone safe?

TonytheDog · 05/07/2021 23:44

Can you not just chalk it up and move on? Getting the school to do an 'investigation' and speaking to the staff member involved is going to really take so much time when all school staff are trying their absolute bloody best to get everything done before the end of term. Do you want your son's end of term assessments marked? Fun end of term activities to go ahead? Teachers to be able to see an end in sight for the summer holidays? Or do you just want to weight other people down in your own self important bull shit? We're in unusual times, your son isn't hurt, upset or in any way affected but you want to make your point? Maybe your son spun you a line because he didn't want everyone in his class to go 'Oi, Joe Bloofs why aren't you doing the LFT?'. Get over it.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 05/07/2021 23:44

@duckme

I'm confused. So for my consent to be upheld, everyone has to agree with my reasoning behind it?
I'm with you on this. You discussed it. You declined consent. The school bullied him into having the test.

I haven't given consent either tor my DS15 and he also says he won't be giving his consent. I don't have to give a reason to anyone neither does my son.

It's our decision. Just like those that refuse to have the vaccine have made their decision. Consent is a personal decision and you don't have to give a reason why you've refused to give consent. It doesn't ask that on the school forms.

They ask for parental consent for the teen vaccines in school. This is the same.

IAmAWomanNotACis · 05/07/2021 23:47

I may disagree with your decision and reasoning, but oh boy do I 100% support your right for your denial of consent to be upheld.

BlaBlaSmthSmth · 05/07/2021 23:47

@Maryjane3227

I hope none of the staff or students at his school have underlying health conditions. Staff aren't shielding anymore. Everyone is trying to get back to normal. Fat chance thanks to some people. If your son had a serious medical issue or was on a health care plan, the school would know. You're an absolute piss taker. I'll bet you're the first to moan about everything. You make me laugh. Good luck to your poor son.
Aren't you an unpleasant little person.
eekbumbler · 05/07/2021 23:47

I thought you were going to say 4.

13 YABU.

LolaSmiles · 05/07/2021 23:48

TonytheDog
As a teacher I would support any parent who needed to raise issues of parental consent being ignored by school staff. No parent should be guilt tripped into not raising concerns with the most appropriate member of staff.

Ohhyeahright · 05/07/2021 23:50

Interesting. The law can override parental consent/wishes in cases where it is determined that doing so is in the best interests of the child. Although obviously this hasn’t been through the legal test, you could make a strong case for arguing it’s in everyone’s best interests for tests to be conducted…

callmeadoctor · 05/07/2021 23:52

Im with the OP here. Why ask for parental consent if its going to be ignored? ( and yes, the tests are rubbish IMO).

OnGoldenPond · 05/07/2021 23:54

It's not an invasive test. Do you have any idea what an invasive test actually is?

Lemonwoe · 05/07/2021 23:54

They shouldn’t have coerced your son into the LFT. If he genuinely wanted it, then fine. But it does sound like he was bullied into it.

I don’t know or understand why you didn’t want him to get the lft: but that’s not what you asked my opinion on.

eekbumbler · 06/07/2021 00:01

Out of interest OP,

what would your thoughts have been if the test had come back positive and he was an asymptomatic carrier?

TonytheDog · 06/07/2021 00:01

LolaSmiles I agree with you in principle but in this case the child consented and we only have the op's word that the chain of events happened in the way he said. The school shouldn't have 'made' op's son have the test but to raise a complaint about it, rather than a straightforward email registering disgruntledness are two different kettles of fish. If the DC was distressed or hurt it would be different but it appears neither of these are the case and the OP is just trying to 'point score' against the school at a time when they've got 9,000 real concerns to deal with.

BorisKilledMyHusband · 06/07/2021 00:03

Get over yourself. It’s hardly a big deal and could save lives. I speak as one of the 150,000+ family members who have lost loved ones.

ChocolateCookies123 · 06/07/2021 00:06

Yanbu what’s the point in them sending the consent form home if they’re going to ignore it anyway

LolaSmiles · 06/07/2021 00:08

TonytheDog
A child's word is still worth following up though, especially in this circumstance.
I'm very quick to advise parents to be mindful that their children can selective spin stories to paint themselves in a better light, so they should call with concerns or to find out facts rather than storming in, but in this situation the reported added pressure from staff is a secondary issue. The central issue is that the school have chosen to ignore the consent forms that the government have said have to be issued.

I don't think she is trying to point score. I don't agree with her stance on testing, and would personally say that if her view was her child can consent or not either way then the best thing would have been for her to give parental consent and let her child decide. However she hasn't asked us what our opinions on her stance are, she's asked whether school staff should have ignored the consent forms. On that she has grounds to raise concerns.

mibbelucieachwell · 06/07/2021 00:11

The woman organising the tests appears to believe that all pupils should do these tests, even if they don't have parental consent and pressured OP's DS to do the test. At best that's unprofessional. You don't undermine the authority of parents unless there's a clear safeguarding concern.

saraclara · 06/07/2021 00:11

I don't understand why so many people are keen to assume that the boy is lying. I can totally imagine the adult saying what he claims. I've taught in schools for my entire working life, and even in the best of them I've come across people like that.

And of course this thread is bursting with them.

montysma1 · 06/07/2021 00:12

Grossly unreasonable, precious and selfish.

fuckedandbombed · 06/07/2021 00:13

He gave consent . So he overruled you op - not the school 🤷🏻‍♀️

saraclara · 06/07/2021 00:15

@fuckedandbombed

He gave consent . So he overruled you op - not the school 🤷🏻‍♀️
He seems to have been bullied/coerced into giving consent. In any other situation, MN would be going nuts at that.
RealhousewifeofStoke · 06/07/2021 00:15

‘Consent is a personal decision and you don't have to give a reason why you've refused to give consent. ‘

In the context of the legal position re Gillick this is inaccurate. A key facet in determining that a child does or does not have the ability to give informed consent is examining their reasoning for their decision.