Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
Rockhopper81 · 05/07/2021 22:48

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

TL:DR - if schools accept that children can refuse consent, they must also accept that children can give consent.

Agreed. It's pretty clear cut.

I'm astonished at the amount of posters who are frothing at the mouth at the shocking news that they don't own their kids.

Except I don't think anyone isn't accepting that a 13 year old can give consent for a LFT - in fact, most people agree that they very much can! - but it has to be freely given consent and not coerced.

As for 'frothing at the mouth' and being 'shocked they don't own their kids' - this isn't an issue of ownership, it's an issue of consent. As a previous poster said, the OP was fine with her daughter doing the LFTs, even though she didn't personally agree with them. We tell people - especially young people, who might need reminding of it most - that no always means no, but people on here think it was okay to use emotive language to coerce consent out of the OPs son because they believe in the cause it's related to. That's not okay.

Alannawhorideslikeaman · 05/07/2021 22:48

Slight aside but I REALLY hate the suggestion that "covid fatigue" is a decent excuse for.being unreasonable. I've had ME, otherwise known as Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome (ie, got it after suffering fromma virus) for over 15 years and never once have I been able to justify unreasonable behaviour by my illness.

C8H10N4O2 · 05/07/2021 22:48

I'm astonished at the amount of posters who are frothing at the mouth at the shocking news that they don't own their kids

Then why bother with consent forms and is it really free informed consent for a 13 yr old to comply when being exhorted by an adult authority figure in public?

I don't pretend to understand the OP's reasoning (which hasn't been specified) but either parental consent matters or it doesn't.

If parental consent is irrelevant then the school should say up front "we don't need consent" or "we are required to test everyone unless the child objects".

If consent does matter then it should be followed. There is no point in collected yes/no type consent and then simply ignoring it - its just inviting distrust and a bad relationship between the two parties.

I would want to understand the rationale for overriding parental consent (or for collecting it with no intent to follow)

ForeverSausages · 05/07/2021 22:49

[quote BlackAlys]@RealhousewifeofStoke I couldn't quote your post, but do you have a source for what you say? Genuinely asking and not challenging you in the least, but I truly don't know of any law such as this.[/quote]
They're referring to Gillick competency I believe Smile.

Needapoodle · 05/07/2021 22:49

Wow this is amazing. So many people absolutely sure that it's ok to coerce a child into a medical procedure he didn't want, without consent of his parents, because "covid".

Are there any other scenarios that schools are ok to ignore parental consent or is it just because its covid? Whether you consider the test a big thing or not, or whether you think the op is bad for not giving consent is irrelevant. The person in charge of the tests put the boy into an impossible position.

Happymum12345 · 05/07/2021 22:49

You sound like you’re teaching your ds how to be a responsible adult. What a delight you are.

Seasidemumma77 · 05/07/2021 22:52

By the age of 13, I do not dictate to my children what medical procedures they will or will not have. I give them as much info as possible in order for them to make their own informed decision.

Notagardener · 05/07/2021 22:53

For school staff to ask 13 year old is not letting make child make up his own mind.
Even though I don't see why he shouldn't do it....

saraclara · 05/07/2021 22:53

@babbaloushka

He's old enough to be Gillick competent and consent himself, which it sounds like he did.
Multiple posters have explained why Gillick competence doesn't apply here
ObviousNameChage · 05/07/2021 22:54

We tell people - especially young people, who might need reminding of it most - that no always means no, but people on here think it was okay to use emotive language to coerce consent out of the OPs son because they believe in the cause it's related to. That's not okay.

No means no. Unless we want you to say yes for whatever reason, in this case "the greater good". Then anything goes .

GinQueen1844 · 05/07/2021 22:54

Wow well this has really blown up hasn't it! 😳

Tbf I would be raging if someone went against my consent as a parent. LFT or not, doesn't matter. At the end of the day. He is a minor. As his mother, you made the decision on paper to deny consent and that got ignored. End of.
Shame on his teacher for putting him in that position in front of the class....

Solidaritea · 05/07/2021 22:54

Covid or no covid, why would there be uproar? It's a bit of plastic shoved up your mouth and nose. It will have no impact on his life. It would have been a bit unpleasant for a short period of time. But presumably he was in control and was the one testing himself.

If they forcibly injected him with the covid vac, yes uproar. And I'd be in your corner completely.

But if they were doing a science experiment and forced him to swab his cheek for a sample, it would be dead weird, but no uproar.

Needapoodle · 05/07/2021 22:56

Covid or no covid, why would there be uproar? It's a bit of plastic shoved up your mouth and nose. It will have no impact on his life. It would have been a bit unpleasant for a short period of time. But presumably he was in control and was the one testing himself.

Coerced consent is not consent. Do we still have autonomy in this country? Doesn't seem like it!

xprincessxjanetx · 05/07/2021 22:57

The point the OP is trying to make (as I see it) is she has nothing against the LFT as such. She isn't angry because he had it. The anger is placed with the fact they ignored her declined consent and did it anyway. Yes, they did ask her son and he 'changed his mind' but I don't think that counts as getting his consent when he was asked in front of all his classmates and possibly made to feel like he was being backed into a corner.

JoeMaplin · 05/07/2021 22:58

At 13 he could be gillick competent, your consent is not required.

ChloeCrocodile · 05/07/2021 22:58

A brief outline of Gillick from a reputable source:

learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-protection-system/gillick-competence-fraser-guidelines#heading-top

Note that is says medical professionals need to consider Gillick competency. Not teachers.

sweetiepie1 · 05/07/2021 22:59

Covid or no Covid if you haven't consented to something the school should listen. I would definitely complain.

LolaSmiles · 05/07/2021 22:59

Solidaritea
The child is a minor and lateral flow tests require consent forms for those under 16.
It doesn't matter what someone else thinks should happen regarding another parent's child. The parent has been given a consent form and school need to abide by that.

If a parent ticks the box on photo consent forms saying that they do not want their children in photos for the website, newspapers and social media then that is their stance as a parent. It would be wrong for the school to release the child's photo on social media feeds because a 13 year old said OK after a member of staff put pressure on.

ARealTrip · 05/07/2021 23:01

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I think a more reasonable thing to do would have been to say to your son "as the medical procedure would be carried out on your body, you can choose whether to consent or not. It isnt for me to decide"

I cant even see why the school bothered to send consent forms home.

This is a good answer
kittie01 · 05/07/2021 23:01

Wow I’d go ballistic. What else would they consider ok to do to your child? At 13 he’s too young to give medical consent. Also teaches him and the rest of his peers that no doesn’t me no.

Pixxie7 · 05/07/2021 23:03

A child of 13 is unlikely to meet the criteria for informed consent. Also this isn’t really about a LFT but about parental consent which was ignored. Therefore you are well within your rights to complain if your wishes were overridden.

sazza76 · 05/07/2021 23:03

Without being there you can’t be sure he was coerced. You told him to say that his mum said he wasnt to have it, maybe if you had explained why to him he might have stuck to it, Faced with the fact all his friends probably were, the fact he is old enough to understand the implications maybe he needed more than the fact you say no for him not to do it.

GrassPollenIsTheDeathStar · 05/07/2021 23:05

Overriding your consent isn't to do with covid I don't think? Isn't it the same for the HPV jab etc? Ultimately it's the child's decision regardless if the parent has consented or not

DoTheNextRightThing · 05/07/2021 23:08

Obviously if the school have gone to the trouble to ask for parental consent, they should really respect the response.

That said, you are being That Parent. It's a lateral flow test, not conscription to National Service.

Motherofalittledragon · 05/07/2021 23:09

@Mistressofpemberly

This is another reason to be glad restrictions are being lifted. Sooo fed up of all the ‘special’ people not following basic rules, testing and vaxxing.

We are such a privileged society having easy opportunity to take on collective responsibility, protect ourselves and others. And with high quality healthcare to pick up the pieces if it doesn’t work. It seems like this devalues the appreciation of how lucky we are.

This^^