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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
xprincessxjanetx · 05/07/2021 22:33

Also, I would be going to the school tomorrow making it perfectly clear that if anything else (at all, not just the test) was done without my consent (and without bullying my child into consenting) then there would be repercussions.

It's not the point that it's just a test or a simple procedure. If the OP did not want it and her son (at the time before being cajoled) was happy with that decision then that is the end of it and nobody has the right to overrule that.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 22:34

TL:DR - if schools accept that children can refuse consent, they must also accept that children can give consent.

Agreed. It's pretty clear cut.

I'm astonished at the amount of posters who are frothing at the mouth at the shocking news that they don't own their kids.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 05/07/2021 22:34

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StressyWoman · 05/07/2021 22:34

I’d be very surprised if anyone did the LFT on him, it’s far more likely he did it himself.

LolaSmiles · 05/07/2021 22:34

To comply with this guidance, the person supervising the tests must be accepting that some children are able to withhold consent. So why would the same person mysteriously not be able to accept when a child gives consent?
TL:DR - if schools accept that children can refuse consent, they must also accept that children can give consent.
Because schools are not going to hold a child down and force a swab up a child's nose.

The parental consent is saying they consent to their child doing a lateral flow test, it isn't saying staff have the right to force a child to do a lateral flow test. If the child says no, then nobody is going to force them.
A parent saying they do not consent to their child doing a lateral flow test is saying no to the procedure and is right to expect the school to follow it. School staff are not trained to decide when children are competent enough to override their parents on medical issues.

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 22:35

@TheFallenMadonna

What do you plan to do OP?
I'll contact the school tomorrow morning and ask them to speak to the member of staff who spoke to my son. I would like an investigation of some sorts into this because I do find it quite concerning that my consent has been overridden and my trust has been broken. I've just had another chat with him and he confirmed there were other pupils in the room when the member of staff was speaking to him and that he felt he couldn't say no to her. I didn't ask any leading questions and asked him to tell me exactly how the process happened. The story didn't change from the first time he told me. I can assure you that he is not worried about 'going against my wishes'. if he had wanted to do a test, he would have been doing them anyway as I would have given my consent if he had expressed a desire to do them.

Again, I really do feel like I need to stress that my concern is that I was asked for my consent. I denied it. The school had written proof of that denial of consent ( the sheet on the desk with my sons name which didn't have a tick next to it), the lady mentioned to my son that he didn't have a tick next to his name, my son reiterated that he didn't have consent. The member of staff then talked him into going against my wishes. Now I know, In this instance, MANY of you disagree with my wishes, but I guarantee that in normal, non covid circumstances, there would be uproar if this had happened.

OP posts:
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 22:36

If the OP did not want it and her son (at the time before being cajoled) was happy with that decision then that is the end of it and nobody has the right to overrule that.

The son had the right to overrule it. And he did. He conducted the test on himself.

Comefromaway · 05/07/2021 22:36

It’s very likely he doesn’t wan you to know he freely consented.

DD’s school sent a letter asking for parental consent for lateral flow tests but pointed out that the child had the right to over-ride that consent.

xprincessxjanetx · 05/07/2021 22:37

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

If the OP did not want it and her son (at the time before being cajoled) was happy with that decision then that is the end of it and nobody has the right to overrule that.

The son had the right to overrule it. And he did. He conducted the test on himself.

Yes, after being made to feel 'odd' and 'silly' in front of his mates. At 13, whether I wanted to do something or not I would also have given in in such circumstance.
TheFallenMadonna · 05/07/2021 22:37

I think asking them to confirm that the test was done, and reminding them of their need to follow the guidance, is both appropriate and proportionate.

hedgehogger1 · 05/07/2021 22:38

It's funny. There were very few parents at my school that refused consent, those very few changed their minds when COVID started through the school and their kids were having to isolate. Some people just can't see the bigger picture until their personally impacted

ObviousNameChage · 05/07/2021 22:39

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

TL:DR - if schools accept that children can refuse consent, they must also accept that children can give consent.

Agreed. It's pretty clear cut.

I'm astonished at the amount of posters who are frothing at the mouth at the shocking news that they don't own their kids.

So what else should it not apply to?

Dietary requirements/medical issues?
Appearance in school photos/media?
School trips?
Other activities?

AliMonkey · 05/07/2021 22:40

Whilst I don't agree with your decision not to consent, I absolutely agree to your right to do so. So whilst it might perhaps have been OK for the school to ask your 13 year old if he had changed his mind and wanted to consent given his age (though on balance I would be uncomfortable about this unless it was a medical professional asking), it was definitely not right for them to pressurise him and you absolutely should complain.

OnTheBrink1 · 05/07/2021 22:40

Absolutely awful OP and the school should be in deep shit because of this.
It doesn’t matter what the reasons are. They sent a form, you said no and they did it anyway.
No different in my eyes to any other decision you consent to as a parent at any age child.
This is not ok and they should be an investigation as to why this happened.

ObviousNameChage · 05/07/2021 22:40

@Comefromaway

It’s very likely he doesn’t wan you to know he freely consented.

DD’s school sent a letter asking for parental consent for lateral flow tests but pointed out that the child had the right to over-ride that consent.

Why? Considering his sister is having them and OP has no issues with that.
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 22:40

Medical issues - yes. That's literally what Gillick competence is about

TheFallenMadonna · 05/07/2021 22:40

@Comefromaway

It’s very likely he doesn’t wan you to know he freely consented.

DD’s school sent a letter asking for parental consent for lateral flow tests but pointed out that the child had the right to over-ride that consent.

Because both child and (here) parent need to consent. Not either/or.
LolaSmiles · 05/07/2021 22:41

duckme
I think you're right to speak to someone about this. It it would help, the government guidance on lateral flow testing is available online and it has a section about informed consent and how consent is obtained.

To get a resolution, avoid going in all guns blazing. Ask to speak to either the Head of Year or the senior leader who is overseeing the testing, and explain what your son has told you.

MissChanandlerBong90 · 05/07/2021 22:41

If an adult was berated by a person in a position of authority in front of a group of their peers until they consented to something, then I don’t think we’d consider that true consent.

So I can’t see why a child can be said to have consented in those circumstances.

I’ve got no problem with the idea that a 13 year old can consent or not consent to certain procedures. But I can’t see that anyone - adult or child - could be said to have given real and valid consent in the circumstances OP describes.

tinylittlepiggy · 05/07/2021 22:42

Maybe he felt pressured by you not to take it and made his own decison at school ...?

lanthanum · 05/07/2021 22:42

When the testing first started, some glitch meant that some of the electronic consent forms didn't reach the school including DD14's. They refused to do the test until they'd spoken to a parent to confirm it was okay.

So YANBU about them disregarding your consent. Whether I (or the school staff) agree with your decision is a completely separate issue.

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 22:43

@LolaSmiles

duckme I think you're right to speak to someone about this. It it would help, the government guidance on lateral flow testing is available online and it has a section about informed consent and how consent is obtained.

To get a resolution, avoid going in all guns blazing. Ask to speak to either the Head of Year or the senior leader who is overseeing the testing, and explain what your son has told you.

Absolutely, I'm angry but being rude won't solve anything.
OP posts:
ObviousNameChage · 05/07/2021 22:44

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

Medical issues - yes. That's literally what Gillick competence is about
We have a kid whose mum we have to inform every time something specific happens because of some issues he has. Not telling her could be very dangerous. Sometimes if interferes with his fun, and he's not too bothered and think he's fine. Should we not ring mum on his say so?

That's what I meant by medical issues.

BlackAlys · 05/07/2021 22:44

@RealhousewifeofStoke I couldn't quote your post, but do you have a source for what you say? Genuinely asking and not challenging you in the least, but I truly don't know of any law such as this.

ChloeCrocodile · 05/07/2021 22:47

if schools accept that children can refuse consent, they must also accept that children can give consent.

That is a false equivalence. Schools (should) accept that they are not best placed to determine competency to consent to medical procedures. Where there is a discrepancy between a child’s consent and the parents the school should err on the side of caution and refer the child to a HCP to determine if the child is competent.

And then there’s the practical implications highlighted by a previous poster. Schools cannot, and obviously should not, physically restrain a child to carry out a medical procedure regardless of their competency. They wouldn’t do that for (say) a 6yo who didn’t want to have a cut cleaned, despite the fact that I’m pretty sure everyone agrees that a 6yo isn’t competent to make medical decisions.