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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
saraclara · 05/07/2021 21:55

@PurpleFlower1983

It’s your son’s choice at 13.
So why did the school send a consent form?
Lilibet2022 · 05/07/2021 21:55

Whatever happened to 'my body my choice?'

TotorosCatBus · 05/07/2021 21:55

They should have worded the form as "even if you [the parent] do not give consent, if we discuss the procedure with your son and his opinion differs to your we will take his decision"

Our school forms for other vaccines like HPV state this. Presumably I'm more likely to read the accompanying pamphlets than my teen hence they send me the info

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 21:56

[quote thatisschocking]@chickenyhead thanks but I have quoted from gillick competency guidelines - they do not appear to say "After the age of 13 the child's consent overrides the parents. This is not new at all" - competency has to be established. By someone competent to do so

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand as above - unless there is some new law stating "all teens can decide whether to get tested for covid automatically and the parents' consent is not necessary" in which case please can you link.[/quote]
A 13 year old can make much more significant medical decisions than whether to go and get a COVID test FFS! They could go and get a prescription for the pill, or have an abortion without their parent's knowledge or consent. The medical professionals involved may well advise the teenager to seek parental guidance in such cases (and may make a safeguarding referral), but parents simply do not have the level of control you believe in cases where the teenager is competent.

I find it hard to believe anyone could be this ignorant about this. It's pretty common knowledge.

chickenyhead · 05/07/2021 21:56

[quote thatisschocking]@chickenyhead unless you are reading different guidelines to me, you are wrong as a competency test is needed for each individual under 16 - even if there are assumptions - can you provide the exact quote which proves what you think it proves, and say where it is from? Nb here the OP has been told her DS was persuaded to take the test which makes it even less likely to be right. But if you are right then fine - if you can link the correct reference then I will bow to your greater knowledge! It has not ever been relevant for my dc.[/quote]
Word soup

You know exactly what I mean and what the guidelines say. I know what the judgement and guidelines say.

Where we disagree is consent. The wording of the OP informs me that the sonp's preference appears irrelevant to all, even him, in saying my mum said.

He put the swab up his own nose.

TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 05/07/2021 21:56

@B1rthis

What an absolute disgrace this country is becoming.

It starts with an LFT then it will be the HPV and slippery slope until we end up like the situation in Canada.

I would not be angry, I would be devastated.

It doesn't start with an LFT. This has been the case with HPV in schools for years. I know it doesn't suit the Covid-deniers to acknowledge that parental consent on medical issues in schools has been eroded for years but it has. This isn't a Covid issue. It isn't an LFT issue.
Allington · 05/07/2021 21:56

@TheGlassBlowersDaughter

It's concerning how many posters think that if there is no SEN then a DC is automatically competent to make a decision about medical care. Developmentally, a 13-yr-old's frontal lobe isn't matured. Even a DC without SEN may forget an allergy or underlying health condition that would contraindicate against a certain medical pathway. And from my experience and DSIS' experience, the nurses (two different schools; two different issues) did not ask about allergies or underlying conditions. I do wonder who is liable if a nurse pushes a DC to over-ride a parental consent form and their actions cause an adverse reaction in the DC.
Medical care =/= a swab test
wasthataburp · 05/07/2021 21:57

The issue is not why doesn't she want him to have it. It's that she explicitly didn't not consent and neither did the child. It is very scary that this can even happen. Definitely complain. Interested to hear the outcome OP!

ineedaholidaynow · 05/07/2021 21:57

@Blindstupid if I had declined consent but teen DS had said at school he wanted to take the test, then I would have had to accept his decision.

BlackAlys · 05/07/2021 21:57

If the school actively sought consent (which they did) and OP declined the consent (which she did), why on Earth would they not follow that parental lead?

Yes yes, I know it's a global pandemic, but to me, whether I agree with OP or not, the issue here is the wilful disregard of parental consent. Take the topic area away and you are left with an establishment that blindly ignores parental views.

Where do you draw the line?

RealhousewifeofStoke · 05/07/2021 21:57

What is fucking terrifying is the fact that even after the Alfie Evans/Charlie Gard cases and the mob mentalities that were storming hospitals there are STILL parents who believe they absolutely own their children.

saraclara · 05/07/2021 21:57

Given the strident lectures that about 90% of posters are giving on this thread, I can absolutely believe that the nurse lectured OP's kid.

Souther · 05/07/2021 21:58

YANBU

If they didnt care about consent they shouldn't have bothered getting it in the first place.
I'm shocked so many think YABU.

It doesnt matter about the reasons.
They didnt have consent and then pushed your son into.

I'd be making a complaint too in this situation.

thatisschocking · 05/07/2021 21:58

[quote Allington]@thatisschocking I have not seen any evidence that a LFT has any disadvantage to the child, except those caused distress by the procedure due to special needs. Please explain why a parent would refuse an LFT except for distress due to special needs[/quote]
The OP asked whether the school has acted properly going against what the OP put on the consent form - that is the question. The answer is no, they did not act properly (almost certainly based on the info here).

Your question is your question and if you want an answer maybe start your own thread.

I give up now.

Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 05/07/2021 21:58

So many here seem to think coerced consent is ok. Worrying really!

Rockhopper81 · 05/07/2021 21:58

@Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo

So many here seem to think coerced consent is ok. Worrying really!
Isn't it just!
Chloemol · 05/07/2021 21:59

So what are you going to do if Boris announces, as has been mooted in the press, no bubbles any more but all kids to take a LFT daily? Homeschool?

Blindstupid · 05/07/2021 21:59

whenisnapped …. And when someone gives consent or otherwise, that should be accepted and adhered to.

Opalfeet · 05/07/2021 21:59

I'm going to ignore everything else and I'm just going to consider what the school did and it is wrong

goddessofmischief · 05/07/2021 22:00

Tbh I don't agree with not consenting for him to take the test but that's irrelevant as things stand. You were asked to consent and refused, but he was coerced into it, that's not okay. Why ask for your consent in the first place? I would raise it as an issue with the school, not because it's just an LFT but because what is the point in their procedure? Yes he could consent himself at this age, but he only did so after being pushed into it. What does that teach him about consent? Yes pandemic, I get all previous arguments made. But also 13 year old child pushed into this by another adult, yeah, that's taking the piss. It's a poor example made to the child.

Zhampagne · 05/07/2021 22:00

This frothing is all totally pointless until OP is able to speak to someone at the school and corroborate her DS's version of events. I can see why he might have presented a slightly selective version to a mother who describes herself as being 'hard work' and has strong opinions on the matter.

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 22:00

@Skyla2005

Schools really hate parents like you. You try and cause trouble over something that is so important you That is so stupid not giving consent I'm glad your son had more sense than you
I really take exception to this. I have always fully supported each of our children's schools. I sent messages of thanks and support throughout lockdown because I genuinely appreciated how much they were doing for the kids. Could you let me know how important an issue has to be before you would bother the school with it?
OP posts:
ChloeCrocodile · 05/07/2021 22:00

The tests of competency are clearly laid out and are that an individual must be able to understand the consequences of a decision and be able to communicate his/her decision. Competency for a swab will be a much lower threshold to reach than - say - a kidney transplant.

Teachers and support staff are not sufficiently trained to assess whether a child meets Gillick competency or not! Unless it was a properly trained HCP who decided he was allowed to override his parent’s refusal then it shouldn’t have happened.

Children are not the property of their parents and should be able to make medical decisions when they are competent to do so. But schools should have fuck all to do with it. Teachers do not always know best.

saraclara · 05/07/2021 22:00

@BlackAlys

If the school actively sought consent (which they did) and OP declined the consent (which she did), why on Earth would they not follow that parental lead?

Yes yes, I know it's a global pandemic, but to me, whether I agree with OP or not, the issue here is the wilful disregard of parental consent. Take the topic area away and you are left with an establishment that blindly ignores parental views.

Where do you draw the line?

You might as well hit your head against a brick wall. No-one is going to answer this. Mention Covid and you're only going to get knee-jerk reactions on here. And I say that as a pro-test, pro-vax, pro-rules covid person. But a school shouldnot override a consent form, and children should not be coerced into decisions. Those things are fundamental.
TotorosCatBus · 05/07/2021 22:00

We had a discussion about the consent form he didn't want to do them for any reason other than to get out of class for a few minutes and, as previously mentioned, I don't agree with with them. So we agreed to refuse consent.

It sounds like you talked him into refusing but if you'd not said anything then he would have gone through with the LFT so he got to leave class for a bit.

If the school influenced him then it is very unreasonable.

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