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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
thatisschocking · 05/07/2021 22:01

I am sorry @chickenhead but my post was not word soup. You cannot provide the reference because it doesn't exist, I am assuming.

RainCloudz · 05/07/2021 22:01

@duckme but it isn't a massive issue to most people. Many people would be fine with their child having an LFT.

But we don't know why it's such an enormous issue to you because you don't want to explain why.

Carycy · 05/07/2021 22:01

The son was clearly bullied into it by an adult who believed he should have it. He probably didn’t have an opinion one way or the other. So the beliefs of the adult who is not his parent overrode the beliefs of the parent because they were there and the parent wasn’t.
There is no point arguing whether it’s the right thing or not. I don’t think we should be testing children and isolating them at this stage in the pandemic. Others may have a different opinion.
But you cannot send out consent forms to parents and then override them because you disagree with them.

frumpety · 05/07/2021 22:02

Isn't consent one of those things that you can change at anytime, so DS says he agrees with OP's decision to not give consent, he may have felt coerced to do this due to the dynamic, adult in position of authority ( Mum) and then changed his mind at school as it doesn't sound as though he was bothered either way, or he was coerced into doing the test by another adult in position of authority ( nurse) ? Or was he coerced by peer pressure, didn't want to look different in front of all his friends ?

ChloeCrocodile · 05/07/2021 22:02

Ignore that poster, OP. I’m a teacher and I really like parents who take their parental role seriously. That role absolutely includes being your child’s advocate when they are coerced in to a medical procedure they neither want nor need.

Zhampagne · 05/07/2021 22:02

@Carycy

The son was clearly bullied into it by an adult who believed he should have it. He probably didn’t have an opinion one way or the other. So the beliefs of the adult who is not his parent overrode the beliefs of the parent because they were there and the parent wasn’t. There is no point arguing whether it’s the right thing or not. I don’t think we should be testing children and isolating them at this stage in the pandemic. Others may have a different opinion. But you cannot send out consent forms to parents and then override them because you disagree with them.
There's nothing 'clear' about it.
Namedchangedforsomething · 05/07/2021 22:02

This reply has been deleted

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Sweettea1 · 05/07/2021 22:03

He's 13 get a grip. He would of done the test on himself the teachers don't do them. Maybe hes telling you he was pressured into because he knew how you would react him opting todo it.

Killahangilion · 05/07/2021 22:03

I’d take steps to sue them.

Consent is an important legal principle and the school needs reminding of its responsibility to adhere to the law.

Ireolu · 05/07/2021 22:03

He gave consent.

YABU.

Youhavesomethinginyourteeth · 05/07/2021 22:03

What is the point of a consent form if it's just going to be ignored?? YANBU

Allington · 05/07/2021 22:03

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@Blindstupid if I had declined consent but teen DS had said at school he wanted to take the test, then I would have had to accept his decision.[/quote]
@thatisschocking schools need to take into account the wishes of the child/teen, and in some circumstances the wishes of the child/teen outweigh the views of the parents

Pedalpushers · 05/07/2021 22:03

People are calling it coerced consent, but there is no indication that the kid had any issue with the test other than his mum had told him he couldn't? Did she ask what his wishes were?

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 05/07/2021 22:03

Where do you draw the line?

With the well-established law of the land. The House of Lords judgement on GIllick was in 1986. A lot of the PPs getting worked up about their parental rights probably weren't even born when Gillick confirmed the right of a competent child to consent to medical treatment without a parent's consent.

Whinge · 05/07/2021 22:04

I’d take steps to sue them.

Confused
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 05/07/2021 22:04

@RealhousewifeofStoke

What is fucking terrifying is the fact that even after the Alfie Evans/Charlie Gard cases and the mob mentalities that were storming hospitals there are STILL parents who believe they absolutely own their children.
And judging by the responses to this thread, it's an alarming number of them. Horrific. Utterly horrific.
ObviousNameChage · 05/07/2021 22:04

[quote RainCloudz]@duckme but it isn't a massive issue to most people. Many people would be fine with their child having an LFT.

But we don't know why it's such an enormous issue to you because you don't want to explain why. [/quote]
Because consent isn't pick and mix.

Because "yeah it's bad,but it's ok in this case because the majority agree with it" is a very slippery slope.

We can't have it both ways.

Carycy · 05/07/2021 22:04

The op states he was lectured about protecting family and friends in in front of his peers. It’s pretty clear to me.

chickenyhead · 05/07/2021 22:04

I have no idea what you are asking me for.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 05/07/2021 22:04

@Killahangilion

I’d take steps to sue them.

Consent is an important legal principle and the school needs reminding of its responsibility to adhere to the law.

Which law do you think they have broken?
Blindstupid · 05/07/2021 22:04

Or he runs straight to his mum every time as she always wants the best for him, listens to him, and protects him.

babbaloushka · 05/07/2021 22:04

He's old enough to be Gillick competent and consent himself, which it sounds like he did.

chickenyhead · 05/07/2021 22:05

That post was @thatisschocking

GladAllOver · 05/07/2021 22:05

Could you let me know how important an issue has to be before you would bother the school with it?
Could you let me know why you wish to obstruct the running of the school in a pandemic by not letting your son have a simple, non invasive test?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 05/07/2021 22:05

@Blindstupid yes and the OP's son obviously consented.