Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
ObviousNameChage · 05/07/2021 21:14

If this happened exactly as you say (and I'd check that first), then yes I'd complain. It's the principle of it and about consent. What it is about and whether everyone else agrees it's irrelevant.

You did not consent.
Your son was coerced into giving his consent, which is not consent.

It's that simple.

Allington · 05/07/2021 21:14

@thatisschocking DD2 is 13 and DD1 is 22. 13 year olds are developing their own opinions, and that needs to be respected, as well as getting support. Whatever my opinions.

2021Vision · 05/07/2021 21:14

Gillick competency is routinely trotted out on here everytime a parent has concerns or does not want their child to have something that others think is normal.

As far as I am aware there is no actual test of competency, it is all based on the person in control making a decision. The sad thing is this, if it goes wrong then it will be the parent picking up the pieces.

Personally i do not agree with Gillick competence, there is not enough rigour around deciding a child is competent enough. I think we are already seeing it being abused and I predict it will get worse.

The school did the wrong thing, you said no, your son said no, they continued anyway. I would be livid.

tempester28 · 05/07/2021 21:14

Yeah come on he is 13 - his choice not yours

Smartiepants79 · 05/07/2021 21:14

Again, non of you have any actual evidence or knowledge that her son ‘blatantly overrode’ her wishes.
We don’t know that.
And it’s also, again, NOT THE POINT.
School cannot request permission and then just do it anyway!!!!!!!

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 05/07/2021 21:15

Time for an honest conversation with your son, I think. Does he genuinely share your reasons for declining a LFT (but was unable to communicate those reasons in school), or is he declining because it's the family thing to do? If the latter then perhaps it's time to respect his own wishes and let him LFT if he wants to or feels it would be expected of him. I would agree with others who said that, at 13 (and with no learning disability), he's old enough to make a decision himself regarding such tests.

If the conversation comes down to genuine coercion on the part of the school, you have grounds for complaint.

warmfluffytowels · 05/07/2021 21:16

She was doing them during her last year of school. I didn't agree with them. But it was her choice. My son was only interested in doing them at school if it meant he could get out of lessons for a few minutes.

So your son WAS happy to consent, you just disagreed with his reasons so have tried to make him say no?

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 05/07/2021 21:16

Oh grow up. It's not invasive, it's a cotton bud up his nose. He probably didn't want to look silly in front of his mates and his consent overrides yours as he is old enough to consent himself.

We LFT a 6 year old twice a week for school and she manages just fine. Doesn't like it but understands its necessary and in her words 'I can do it, I'm not a baby.'

If he wants to go to school then he needs to be responsible and take part in the precautions that everyone is taking to keep each other safe. Or is it that you think that's something that other people have to do?

Smallbutnottinykitten · 05/07/2021 21:16

I’d talk to the school first because it may not have happened exactly as your son described it to you.

Allington · 05/07/2021 21:17

@Smartiepants79

Again, non of you have any actual evidence or knowledge that her son ‘blatantly overrode’ her wishes. We don’t know that. And it’s also, again, NOT THE POINT. School cannot request permission and then just do it anyway!!!!!!!
Yes they can. The older the child the more it is their decision, not their parent's
GrannyRose15 · 05/07/2021 21:17

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

Why don't you want him to have it?
That's not the point.
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 05/07/2021 21:17

Where the school has actually gone wrong is in seeking your consent in the first place. If your DS is Gillick-competent for this decision (which I'm sure he is, given how minor it is), you don't have the legal right to consent for him.

Appreciate it's very difficult for schools to assess each child's competence, but they would be better off saying to parents that the school will let all children decide for themselves over a certain age (say, 13) but that parents should alert them if they feel their particular child lacked the capacity to consent.

Doubledoorsontogarden · 05/07/2021 21:17

I’m glad that I don’t know you in real life and I hope that your DC are ok.

SofiaMichelle · 05/07/2021 21:18

@duckme

I am a little concerned that people are so willing to blindly follow all the rules and restrictions forever and evermore and never question anything...

The hyperbole is quite something.

How on earth do you get from an LFT test to "blindly follow all the rules and restrictions forever and evermore and never question anything".

scrambledcustard · 05/07/2021 21:18

[quote Allington]@thatisschocking DD2 is 13 and DD1 is 22. 13 year olds are developing their own opinions, and that needs to be respected, as well as getting support. Whatever my opinions.[/quote]
Maybe its ok if her son goes and gets his face tattooed because y'know he is developing his own opinions?

Its really strange that you know this lad wanted this test even though he came home and told his own mother different. Do you know him?

Allington · 05/07/2021 21:18

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

Where the school has actually gone wrong is in seeking your consent in the first place. If your DS is Gillick-competent for this decision (which I'm sure he is, given how minor it is), you don't have the legal right to consent for him.

Appreciate it's very difficult for schools to assess each child's competence, but they would be better off saying to parents that the school will let all children decide for themselves over a certain age (say, 13) but that parents should alert them if they feel their particular child lacked the capacity to consent.

This
JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 05/07/2021 21:18

Incidentally, I wouldn't be happy about my son being tested either, for no doubt similar reasons that I do not have to explain on here. My consent is required, my son cannot consent himself due to his learning disabilities. Unfortunately he also wouldn't be able to tell me if school forced a test upon him.

warmfluffytowels · 05/07/2021 21:19

Maybe its ok if her son goes and gets his face tattooed because y'know he is developing his own opinions?

Face tattoos (or tattoos in general) are illegal for under 18's. LFT's are not, so your ridiculous comparison doesn't quite work.

Bubbleballoon · 05/07/2021 21:19

YANBU why ask for consent if they disregard it. I would be furious

rantymcrantface66 · 05/07/2021 21:20

@2021Vision

Gillick competency is routinely trotted out on here everytime a parent has concerns or does not want their child to have something that others think is normal.

As far as I am aware there is no actual test of competency, it is all based on the person in control making a decision. The sad thing is this, if it goes wrong then it will be the parent picking up the pieces.

Personally i do not agree with Gillick competence, there is not enough rigour around deciding a child is competent enough. I think we are already seeing it being abused and I predict it will get worse.

The school did the wrong thing, you said no, your son said no, they continued anyway. I would be livid.

For something major and life changing I'd agree with you but for a nose swab performed by the child themselves, not so much!
CoopsMalloops · 05/07/2021 21:20

YANBU. I would be incandescent.

This thread is shocking, covid has broken peoples brains.

Allington · 05/07/2021 21:20

@scrambledcustard There's a difference between a procedure that has no long term consequences (LFT) and something with long term consequences (a tattoo )

TheOrigRights · 05/07/2021 21:20

@Whinge

As his parent you did not give consent. That's all that matters.

What about what the son wants? Do you think the OPs decision should override what he wants?

In this particular situation, yes, otherwise what is the purpose of the school asking for consent?

They should have worded the form as "even if you [the parent] do not give consent, if we discuss the procedure with your son and his opinion differs to your we will take his decision"

What if the parent gave consent and the child refused?

It doesn't matter what the issue is, consent is consent.

I am really alarmed at how many of you think what they did is OK.

You can't have grey areas...the "oh well, no harm was done" attitude.

scrambledcustard · 05/07/2021 21:21

[quote SofiaMichelle]@duckme

I am a little concerned that people are so willing to blindly follow all the rules and restrictions forever and evermore and never question anything...

The hyperbole is quite something.

How on earth do you get from an LFT test to "blindly follow all the rules and restrictions forever and evermore and never question anything".[/quote]
Because reading the comments shows that people will will do anything they are told.

School send home consent form.

OP refused to sign it

School doesn't give a shit and does it any way

MN chant 'for the greater good'.......

Scary

Sittingonabench · 05/07/2021 21:21

YANBU - definitely complain. Parents were required to give consent that is why you hit a form you refused consent and while in some cases a child’s consent can override it, it sounds like that was not the situation! This practice was completely unreasonable and I was cause absolute hell over it if I were you! How dare they!
And for what it’s worth I’m generally in favour of testing and everything but the ends do not justify the means! A very slippery slope to go down.