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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 05/07/2021 21:05

After the age of 13 the child's consent overrides the parents. This is not new at all.

Nobody did the test except the son. He did it.

Was it coerced? Who knows. But saying my mum said no, doesn't imply that he was involved in the decision by mummy.

My children have been making medical decisions since age 13. I haven't lost anything. I still provide forms of consent but I am not so controlling as to think my wants are more important than theirs.

Before complaining I would make sure I understood my child's rights and who actually did the test.

Iggi999 · 05/07/2021 21:05

Coercion, or an explanation of the benefits?
He could have faked doing the test if he didn't want to put in his nose etc.

blacksax · 05/07/2021 21:05

He didn't tell them he didn't want to have it, he told them that you didn't want him to have it.

He may well agree with you at home, but that doesn't mean he actually agrees with your reasoning, does it? Maybe he thought he should have it, but doesn't want to say so because you'll be annoyed with him.

Wowwe · 05/07/2021 21:06

They probably think why the hell are you declining a test for him! Madness

Smartiepants79 · 05/07/2021 21:06

@StrongLegs

My son overrode my decisions on two school consent forms in the last two weeks. He is 11. I think the mature thing for me at this point is to be proud that he has the confidence and clarity to do that, and that he feels safe enough in our relationship that he can override me without fear of repercussions.

If it was a risky proceedure then clearly that would be different, but there's no risk in a lateral flow test.

Also find this astonishing? Who’s judging if the procedure is risky? The 11 year old child? Or his parent? Did he override your decision through discussion with you? Or simply told school he disagreed with you?
GreenCrayon · 05/07/2021 21:06

Because obviously you know OP son who you have never met much better than her. Aye you do hen

Of course I don't know him but it seems much more likely than being forced into it because its hardly a test you can force someone to do. He's not a small compliant child if he didn't want it he would have said so instead he apparently told them he wasn't allowed it. For all we know this coercion was simply someone telling him it was his choice and he could do the test if he wanted even if he had been told by his parent he wasn't allowed.

Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2021 21:06

So the reason for lack of consent is you think they are unreliable OP? So fear of a positive result possibly and having to isolate etc?

saraclara · 05/07/2021 21:07

@Three0fivepointfour

YANBU

My opinion may differ to yours on the lft but this isn’t about that. This is about a school requiring consent from a parent and that consent being declined but the procedure carried out anyway.

Saying that I think it may be better if you climb down from your livid position before contacting the school. I’d be livid too but it rarely helps.

Yes.

Most posters on here are completely ignoring the bit that's actually an issue. Whatever anyone's thoughts on the merits or otherwise of teenagers having LFTs at school, the fact is that the school asked for consent, and then entirely ignored the fact that OP returned the form, categorically refusing consent.

If it was for any other procedure or event. MN would be baying for the school's blood.

If the son's version of events is true, yes, he was coerced into having it. Normally MN is against coercion of any kind.

Kolo · 05/07/2021 21:07

"Well, assuming he did the swab himself, no-one did put anything into his body."

So if you are pressured to do it to yourself, then that's ok?

thatisschocking · 05/07/2021 21:07

@Allington

Well, that's the issue. Is he being strong armed by the OP, or the school ?
@allington I think you are showing a really poor understanding of what parenting means in these posts. 13 year olds are very easily manipulated.
bridgetreilly · 05/07/2021 21:07

Trouble you have now is that you won't really know if he was coerced or not. You've clearly got very strong views on refusing LFTs. So even if he went against your consent and chose to have it himself he is quite unlikely to admit that to you now.

Exactly that. Just let it go, OP.

warmfluffytowels · 05/07/2021 21:07

No it wasn't. He was guilt tripped in to doing it. Thats not free choice ffs.

I would argue OP guilt-tripped him into saying no, tbh. That's not free choice either.

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 21:08

@Sparklingbrook

So the reason for lack of consent is you think they are unreliable OP? So fear of a positive result possibly and having to isolate etc?
Not really, my daughter has been doing them. So we would have to isolate if she had a positive result.
OP posts:
ChequerBoard · 05/07/2021 21:08

@Serenschintte

1. YANBU
  1. Definitely complain
  2. Seek and explanation and apology from the person who did the LFT

It's a self administered test - are you suggesting OP seeks an apology from her son for performing the test on himself??

Get over yourself OP, you're just being deliberately contrary.

canary1 · 05/07/2021 21:08

Complain, complain, complain. It’s outrageous. They’ve had the vaccine. Everyone over 18 can have the vaccine. So shut up about Covid!

IcedSpice · 05/07/2021 21:09

So if your DD is doing them, why are you against your DS doing them?

Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2021 21:09

Not really, my daughter has been doing them. So we would have to isolate if she had a positive result

Then you’ve lost me.

rantymcrantface66 · 05/07/2021 21:09

It's a few seconds of a swab up the nose, no big deal so if he decided it was better to have it then so be it's why are you insisting he doesn't have it when he'd rather just comply?

Allington · 05/07/2021 21:10

To add, when it came to vaccines such as measles I held her still for the injection. For the HVP vaccine at school I gave consent but she was too distressed to get it initially. I was fine with that. She has since had the HPV vaccinations with her consent and not distressed.

The LFT is minimally invasive, and with no long term consequences. Ideal for a teen to decide for themselves

thatisschocking · 05/07/2021 21:10

After the age of 13 the child's consent overrides the parents. This is not new at all
can you provide a link to the legal provision you are referring to here?

RosesAndHellebores · 05/07/2021 21:11

Apart from the fact that I cannot see the logic in not having an left test and think the Gillick principle probably prevails here bearing in mind your son's age and understanding, as the mother of a young person of 17 who was once strong armed into agreeing to stay in hospital overnight for a CAMHS review when safety netted by a private psychiatrist and in the absence of an available MH assessment in A&E (because staff didn't know they could organise it) I do wholeheartedly think this is the very thin edge of the wedge.

Whilst I think you are being unreasonable op, I have some sympathy with your right to refuse and wish for the school to follow correct and proper procedures.

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 21:11

@IcedSpice

So if your DD is doing them, why are you against your DS doing them?
She was doing them during her last year of school. I didn't agree with them. But it was her choice. My son was only interested in doing them at school if it meant he could get out of lessons for a few minutes.
OP posts:
Justwingingit2005 · 05/07/2021 21:11

I believe every child should have an LFT.

Staff at schools have a right to feel safe.
My children have a right to feel safe in classrooms.

LFT are not as accurate as PCR tests but they are better than nothing.

I know some who refuses to test her kids. She ranted weeks ago her kids have had to isolate because of these stupid LFTs and if they didn't take the test no one would know they had covid..... what a selfish and immature attitude.

frumpety · 05/07/2021 21:12

I'm honestly shocked that so many people are so focused on the fact that I have refused consent for the actual test and have blindly ignored the fact that my wishes have been blatantly overridden.

Your wishes have been blatantly overidden by your own Son though, he was the person who performed the test. You believe he wouldn't have done it if he hadn't been coerced into it, but he might just have changed his mind, isn't that a big thing we teach children about consent in a wider context ?

scrambledcustard · 05/07/2021 21:12

duckme I'm not shocked by MN anymore regarding covid. No in RL I know has these views. I think you will find your self very frustrated to try and explain why you are annoyed because anything to do with covid, on MN means you have to forego all sense of critical thought or independence. Its hive mentality towards covid and its scary.

I'd write a letter of complaint to the head. You said no. It should have been the end of the conversation. No one should have tried to talk him in to it.

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