School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

[duckme]

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

It's quite possible that there wasn't a lecture, and the son is just saying this as he knows his parent's feeling about the LFT, and doesn't feel comfortable saying that he disagrees with the OPs decision.

We can only go on what OP says, as with every post. Or should we all just start adding in our own made up shite?

@CovidCorvid

You think he was coerced but doesn’t that work both ways? You coerced him into initially saying he wasn’t having it? 🤷‍♀️

No his mother told him he didn't need it as he had been isolating. Thats not coercion. Thats parental guidance.

And no, schools nurses should absolutely not have the final say.

I agree with some pp - whatever your reasons for refusing the lft (and I'm sure I would disagree with them), you did not give consent and therefore he shouldn't have been put in this position. At my school, he wouldn't have been taken into the testing room with everyone else.

You do need to hear their side before taking it any further though as his version may not be entirely accurate.

and then someone in a position of power browbeat and coerced him into going against that.

The trouble is only the OPs son actually knows if he was coerced. I somehow think this is quite unlikely and the more realistic reality is he chose to have the test despite being told by his mother he wasn't allowed to have it.

Regardless of how 'right on' you are, teenagers are mortified to be different, it's basic evolution.

@Allington

Well, that's the issue. Is he being strong armed by the OP, or the school ?

What his mother telling him he doesn't need it because he had been isolating?

Its really fucking worrying how easy you people give your parental rights away.

None of us know enough to know whether he has been ‘coerced’ into anything by either of the adults in this story.
The point is that school requested parental consent and then allowed the wishes of the parent to be ignored.
That’s not ok.
It doesn’t matter what it was for.
It sets a terrible precedent.
Either parental consent matters or it doesn’t.
It can’t just matter when it suits you.

We can only go on what OP says, as with every post. Or should we all just start adding in our own made up shite?

I'm not posting made up shite. I'm just saying he wouldn't be the first teenager to lie to a parent, or tell them what they want to hear, especially if he knows the parent is against what he has done.

So if OP goes into school tomorrow and plays ‘merry hell’, what then? They can’t go back in time so he didn’t get the test, it’ll presumably mean he won’t get one again. What outcome do you want OP?

I agree with you that they shouldn’t have done it, because you’d specifically and obviously declined. As you point out, regardless of the resin behind your decision and whether people agree with it or not, they shouldn’t have done it.

Having said that. If I’m honest, I don’t see why you wouldn’t just agree. He was probably was embarrassed to say ‘My mam said no’ I front of his mates.

He's 13. He listened to your reasons why you didn't want him to have it, and then he listened to the lady at the school who explained why he needed to have it. He weighed up the two arguments and made his own decision.

@GreenCrayon

and then someone in a position of power browbeat and coerced him into going against that.

The trouble is only the OPs son actually knows if he was coerced. I somehow think this is quite unlikely and the more realistic reality is he chose to have the test despite being told by his mother he wasn't allowed to have it.

Because obviously you know OP son who you have never met much better than her. Aye you do hen

Given how easy the test is (special needs aside), I find it difficult to understand why anyone would refuse parental consent. DD of course is free to decline as it is her body so her choice

My son overrode my decisions on two school consent forms in the last two weeks. He is 11. I think the mature thing for me at this point is to be proud that he has the confidence and clarity to do that, and that he feels safe enough in our relationship that he can override me without fear of repercussions.

If it was a risky proceedure then clearly that would be different, but there's no risk in a lateral flow test.

I'm just saying he wouldn't be the first teenager to lie to a parent, or tell them what they want to hear, especially if he knows the parent is against what he has done.

Equally, he wouldn’t be the first teen to tell the truth and there was indeed a lecture and he felt he had to give in. If we base it on that, the woman was very wrong.

It’s is one of the things I’ve been ruminating about recently.
How easily we have all given up so many right and freedoms because we’ve been scared.
I have been as rule compliant as the next person ( I’m not a rule breaker kind of person generally) but I do find it interesting how little actual resistance there has been to all the restrictions and new laws and powers granted to law enforcement.
All anyone ever needs to do is say ‘cos COVID’ and we all go ‘aah, ok then!’

Apparently Gillick competency is being used with regards to LFT's. This is actually quite concerning. So my 6 year old could be coerced in school to have an LFT and that would be perfectly okay & legal? (We do them at home but he has SEN and would really very upset at having to do them at school).

@scrambledcustard

YANBU.

This thread is absolutely sickening tbh. There was a thread a while back where people scoffed and said this wouldn't happen. I remember the morning a few weeks back it was raised on GMTV as a throw away comment.

This should absolutely not be happening. He was pressured in to having it despite being told by parents he was not to do it. He had already been isolating. The consent form was just a piece of fluff to make it look like they give a shit what the parents think. No school or governing body should be doing this.

And it won't stop here either. So many of you are merrily waving your parental rights away all in the name of the 'greater good'

Thank you for so eloquently summing up what I've been trying to say. I don't agree with LFT's, I think they're unreliable. My daughter wanted to take her twice weekly tests whilst she was at school and, although I don't agree with them, I was happy for her to carry on with them. My son has never been bothered with them. We had a discussion about the consent form he didn't want to do them for any reason other than to get out of class for a few minutes and, as previously mentioned, I don't agree with with them. So we agreed to refuse consent. Regardless of the reasoning behind my consent decision, the school ignored it. It doesn't matter what the consent was regarding. It was ignored. I can't think of any other circumstance that Mumsnet would be happy for this to be happening. I'm honestly shocked that so many people are so focused on the fact that I have refused consent for the actual test and have blindly ignored the fact that my wishes have been blatantly overridden.

YANBU to complain.

What other lessons does this teach a child about overriding consent?

It's no wonder that sexual abuse/assault is on the rise in schools if this is the behaviour that the adults are modelling for children.

It sounds like he has exercised his right to agree to have the test.

I really can’t understand why anyone would decline to be tested. It’s not comparable to declining a vax.

@duckme

I'm confused. So for my consent to be upheld, everyone has to agree with my reasoning behind it?

No, but if you want people to agree with you (which you probably do or you would not have posted here?) maybe if you explained why, then people would understand how you are thinking

He's old enough to decide for himself, but as you explained you felt he was coerced, so no thats not good

Gillick competence.

There’s a world of difference between a 6 year old and a teenager.

I wonder how many will be happy clappy for their kids to take part in a new clinical school trial that involves trying out new vaccines etc with out their parents consent - because this is one step away. I mean, hey they are 13 years old. They can decide their own lives right?

@BluebellsGreenbells

Why are you happy for all his classmates to check their status to protect your child, but won’t let your child protect his classmates?

Bit selfish.

This pretty much sums it up