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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 05/07/2021 20:49

I’m quite surprised that so many people think that what school have allowed to happen is ok here.
Whether or not you agree with the decision, a parent was specifically asked for their consent, it was declined and they did it anyway??
What the consent was for is irrelevant.
A minor should not have been put in this position.
Now, potentially the child was happy to do the test. That’s also not the point.
And this is comparable to giving consent for all sorts of school activities- sex education, trips etc….
Would it be ok to take him on a trip to London without his parents consent? Because he wanted to go? And it’s not going to do him any harm after all……

Vintagevixen · 05/07/2021 20:49

Doesn't matter that its a pandemic - its not a catch all justification to breach bodily autonomy. If there's no consent then to force or pressure a test is a breach.

And having a swab shoved up your nose etc IS invasive.

I have had my Covid vaccines, my friend will not be having hers. I totally don't agree with her reasonings but I absolutely respect her right to hold an opinion. I would never agree with condemning her or forcing vaccination.

AbjectHorror · 05/07/2021 20:49

YANBU at all.

chickenyhead · 05/07/2021 20:50

All the child said to the woman is that his mum said no. His mum. Not him.

He is old enough to decide by law.

Kolo · 05/07/2021 20:50

"Bit different as the flu jab is actually putting something into his body".

So is consent only required when it's putting something in someone's body?

TooCloseToTheProject · 05/07/2021 20:50

I would complain...why send out a consent form if its going to be ignored.

Abraxan · 05/07/2021 20:51

Equally if it was truly his own decision to have one, then why on earth did the woman need to give him a lecture?

But really, how much coercion actually happened? Due to the OPs clearly very strong views over him now doing an LFT I'm not convinced he would tell his mum that he chose to override her choice and decided to do one himself.

After all, he will have had to do this to himself. No one will have done the swab for him. I also doubt he'd have been the only one not doing them.

RickiTarr · 05/07/2021 20:51

@Mumdiva99

This post isn't about whether or not I agree with your decision.

They school should not have gone against your wishes. It's not even that you hadn't sent your wishes and they were guessing....they actively went against your wish and that is wrong.

I thought at first that the school was technically wrong but that an LFT as so inconsequential that it wasn’t worth looking batshit to complain.

The more I think about it, I think the harmlessness of the test, plus the age of the pupil might go together to mean the school had sufficient consent, provided the DS didn’t originally specifically decline on his own account and then actually consented.

Allington · 05/07/2021 20:51

@Kolo

"Bit different as the flu jab is actually putting something into his body".

So is consent only required when it's putting something in someone's body?

Well, assuming he did the swab himself, no-one did put anything into his body.
scrambledcustard · 05/07/2021 20:52

YANBU.

This thread is absolutely sickening tbh. There was a thread a while back where people scoffed and said this wouldn't happen. I remember the morning a few weeks back it was raised on GMTV as a throw away comment.

This should absolutely not be happening. He was pressured in to having it despite being told by parents he was not to do it. He had already been isolating. The consent form was just a piece of fluff to make it look like they give a shit what the parents think. No school or governing body should be doing this.

And it won't stop here either. So many of you are merrily waving your parental rights away all in the name of the 'greater good' Hmm

canigooutyet · 05/07/2021 20:52

He could have also gone against his parents consent and had a vaccine.
If wasn't able to give his consent because he wasn't competent this would usually have been picked up by the age of 13.
THe competent basis is used across a number of medical situations that they can self agree to. It doesn't state you can have tests/injections in the gp surgery but you cannot have them in school.

The only issue is if he was coerced or not.

I would have another open chat with him and put today down as a learning experience. As it could be him trying to save face or whatever and exaggerated. Wouldn't be the first nor the last. I would have a chat with him giving him all the available reasons and his options. And that if he really doesn't want it and someone tries to talk to him again about it ways in which he could assert himself to say no and to be listened to, Standing up for yourself is a vital skill needed for later in life and at least he has your back at home. Rather than facing the stand up for yourself in adult education, work, relationships etc.

Radio4ordie · 05/07/2021 20:52

YANBU at all. The fact that other people may not agree with your decision is nothing to do with it. Fully informed consent is not consent given by coercion with no parent present.

For the record I wouldn’t consent because my child would be distressed (primary age so not relevant thankfully, with SEN). We do, do them at home though. Whatever your reasons, unless your son really wanted to have it done I cannot see it being justified and even then I doubt the person doing it was trained in Gillick competence assessment.

CovidCorvid · 05/07/2021 20:52

You think he was coerced but doesn’t that work both ways? You coerced him into initially saying he wasn’t having it? 🤷‍♀️

MadeOfStarStuff · 05/07/2021 20:52

YABU to decline consent

YABU to be angry that they allowed your son to consent, it’s his body so his choice

ForeverSausages · 05/07/2021 20:53

@newusername2009

People have gone covid crazy. It doesn’t matter what the reasons for refusing were - school asked for consent, didn’t get it and then overrode parental decision.

It’s pretty worrying behaviour from the school really.

Agreed. And then to guilt a 13 year old into doing it is beyond me.

Also, Gillick competence relates to medical treatment (as quoted). LFT's are not medical treatment. And even so, Gillick competence would require ensuring the child had a full understanding of their decision.

None of us even know why the OP didn't even want her child to have the test. Yet, the piling on continues. Parental consent is exactly that. If it wasn't necessary, it shouldn't have been requested.

scrambledcustard · 05/07/2021 20:54

Allington That not the point. When your a child and a person in authority is strong arming you in to do it its hard not to.

Absolutely appalling.

Allington · 05/07/2021 20:54

@CovidCorvid

You think he was coerced but doesn’t that work both ways? You coerced him into initially saying he wasn’t having it? 🤷‍♀️
Exactly
scrambledcustard · 05/07/2021 20:55

@MadeOfStarStuff

YABU to decline consent

YABU to be angry that they allowed your son to consent, it’s his body so his choice

No it wasn't. He was guilt tripped in to doing it. Thats not free choice ffs.
Allington · 05/07/2021 20:55

Or maybe the OP is strong arming him? And he is happy to do it?

frumpety · 05/07/2021 20:55

I think the sticking point is that nobody actually physically did anything to your son, he performed the test on himself. He chose to do it, in all probability because he didn't want to look a tit in front of his peers, which in itself is a form of coercion, will you be emailing all the parents in your Son's year group to complain about their childrens part in all this ?

HelloDulling · 05/07/2021 20:55

I absolutely think everyone should be testing regularly, but they are very much in the wrong.

You actively refused consent (and this is the word we use), he confirmed that no consent was given, and then someone in a position of power browbeat and coerced him into going against that.

ComDummings · 05/07/2021 20:56

@Smartiepants79

I’m quite surprised that so many people think that what school have allowed to happen is ok here. Whether or not you agree with the decision, a parent was specifically asked for their consent, it was declined and they did it anyway?? What the consent was for is irrelevant. A minor should not have been put in this position. Now, potentially the child was happy to do the test. That’s also not the point. And this is comparable to giving consent for all sorts of school activities- sex education, trips etc…. Would it be ok to take him on a trip to London without his parents consent? Because he wanted to go? And it’s not going to do him any harm after all……
This^
viques · 05/07/2021 20:56

@Whinge

We, as a family, did actually have a very in depth discussion about it. He wasn't 'controlled'

Yet you had to remind him he wasn't to take a test. Surely if he agreed with your reasons he wouldn't need reminding about the decision you had made for him?

And when asked why he didn’t want the test he would have answered “ I don’t want it” rather than “ My mum doesn’t want me to have it.”

That’s the difference OP. Maybe your in depth discussion made him feel he was being pushed into something he didn’t want.

squiddylama · 05/07/2021 20:57

He's old enough to consent really. I think YABU to be honest

Allington · 05/07/2021 20:57

Well, that's the issue. Is he being strong armed by the OP, or the school ?