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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
MrsMaizel · 05/07/2021 20:43

Maybe he was embarrassed by the situation and thought you know what I would like to conform and be like my mates instead of doing what my Mum thinks ?

chocolateoranges33 · 05/07/2021 20:43

I think at 13 his agreement to have it done when he was in the hall over rode your previous refusal to consent as he was old enough to consent to it himself. I can understand you being upset with what happened but i dont think the school have done anything wrong. Please google Gillick competence as this will explain why they have done it - basically because your son agreed there and then and therefore your refusal is no longer valid.

"Gillick competence is a term originating in England and Wales and is used in medical law to decide whether a child (under 16 years of age) is able to consent to their own medical treatment, without the need for parental permission or knowledge."

Iamjustwondering · 05/07/2021 20:43

@IAmJustWondering

Approx 78% of covid cases are identified. For a rapid home test, a 22% rate of false negatives isn't that bad and certainly this means that approx 3 out of 4 cases are identified. They are definitely worth doing.

Coke testing positive is also definitely fake news. Google it.

This post of mine was meant to quote @bunburyscucumbersandwich
VouisLuitton · 05/07/2021 20:43

Exactly. So my point was why bother with the forms. If the school want to go down the route of giving parents an option then they should adhere to what the parents opt for.

Allington · 05/07/2021 20:43

Pressured by you, then pressured by school...?

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 05/07/2021 20:44

@Franklin12

You sound incredibly selfish and self absorbed. Why on earth don’t you agree to a LFT for your son.

You do know we are in a pandemic don’t you?

Actually we're not. Covid is now endemic in the uk and people should, IMO, keep at home if ill otherwise get on with your lives.

Op I'm with you. Whether or not people think your DS should have had the test is irrelevant. You did not give consent and it was ignored. It is the principle. I would contact the governors to complain.

Parker231 · 05/07/2021 20:44

I read that one of the ideas to avoid so many children having to isolate when a bubble bursts is that children, teachers and school staff will do daily LFT’s. Hopefully the vaccine will be rolled out for the 12-18 year olds quickly to reduce the transmission in school age

AntiSocialDistancer · 05/07/2021 20:44

@GreatBigBird

YANBU at all. Complain.
I would consent for my children but YANBU at all to raise merry hell over this.
VouisLuitton · 05/07/2021 20:44

Sorry that reply was to @Allington !

Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2021 20:45

@SmallPrawnEnergy

I’m confused as to why you’ve even posted to be honest, you’re very clear you don’t think you’re being unreasonable (and I don’t think you are with regards to the overall sentiment of the school overriding your consent) and you don’t care what others are saying so the post is pointless.

However I doubt very much he was pinned down and swabbed against HIS consent, and I doubt this “family conversation” was the sharing space you’ve painted. You’re very abrasive and clearly have an agenda which I suspect is forced onto your child, he probably is terrified to oppose you so agreed while he was part of this “conversation”. He probably agreed as he knows it is the responsible thing to do and cares about the health of his peers and teachers as anyone with half a brain should.

The OP said in their first post-

I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little

But I'm not sure they really do want to know. So it is a bit of a strange AIBU.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 05/07/2021 20:45

@Parker231

I read that one of the ideas to avoid so many children having to isolate when a bubble bursts is that children, teachers and school staff will do daily LFT’s. Hopefully the vaccine will be rolled out for the 12-18 year olds quickly to reduce the transmission in school age
This is what worries me. My children will not be having the vaccine (and I'm double jabbed). If I refuse consent and school ignores it I will sue them
HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst · 05/07/2021 20:45

I don't get why you're getting such a hard time about this, OP.
YANBU at all.
School is totally out of order on this. Your reasons are actually irrelevant because they had to ask for consent and YOU DID NOT GIVE IT.

IllForTooLong · 05/07/2021 20:45

If being 13yo an being Gillick competent is enough, why is the school asking for parental consent? Confused

This method of having a go at a 13yo, making them feel guilty or stupid in front of their peers is never ok imo. But it seems to be the default position when a parent doesn’t tow the line (same with the HPV vaccine too).
All that then brushed under the carpet because the child is deemed competent. Never mind they were coerced into it.

wanttomarryamillionaire · 05/07/2021 20:45

Hes old enough to give his own consent, you are completely overreacting. Its not invasive or dangerous 🤷‍♀️

AHobbyaweek · 05/07/2021 20:45

OP I think YANBU. If you take the whole COVID piece out and concentrate on the issue, coercion to give consent is not acceptable. There are loads of stories of similar things for supposedly benign tests for pregnant mothers and a lot of people struggle to say no or decline when faced with healthcare professionals telling them they should for x or y. Similar here.

If the woman had simply asked do you want to decline as you have a choice too that is one thing but as soon as "protecting friends or family" comes into it then it is coercion.

I would complain so the school can be clearer on consent procedures for all things, not just LFT.

SupermanInk · 05/07/2021 20:45

but at some point the child/teen's wishes outweigh the parent's

And obviously, the wishes and opinions of some random woman overseeing tests, outweigh parent and child’s wishes. Hmm

GreenCrayon · 05/07/2021 20:46

If it was truly his own decision to not have one then why on earth does he need reminding of this?

Exactly. It honestly just sounds like when he was there in that moment he changed his mind and decided to have the test either that or he was always going to have it but he knew you didn't approve so agreed with you. I really doubt there was actually a lecture on why he should have it.

thefirstmrsrochester · 05/07/2021 20:46

YABU. If you can’t understand collective responsibility to test for the benefit of all society, then you are beyond reasoning with.

HandforthParishCouncilClerk · 05/07/2021 20:47

You are being ridiculous. Thankfully it sounds like your DS is more sensible than you.

Yes it would be fine for your son to be given the flu vaccine too - at 13, if he’s deemed to be Gillick competent then neither he nor the school need your permission.

SupermanInk · 05/07/2021 20:47

If it was truly his own decision to not have one then why on earth does he need reminding of this?

Equally if it was truly his own decision to have one, then why on earth did the woman need to give him a lecture?

Allington · 05/07/2021 20:47

@VouisLuitton

Exactly. So my point was why bother with the forms. If the school want to go down the route of giving parents an option then they should adhere to what the parents opt for.
Well, I can see why they would prefer to have patents AND child on board. But in the end they shouldn't pin a child down to test, whatever the parent's view. And if the child consents (for a process with no short or long term consequences ) then the parent's view has increasingly less weight as the child gets older
Mumdiva99 · 05/07/2021 20:48

This post isn't about whether or not I agree with your decision.

They school should not have gone against your wishes. It's not even that you hadn't sent your wishes and they were guessing....they actively went against your wish and that is wrong.

Abraxan · 05/07/2021 20:48

@Giveronyoursausage

I would go absolutely nuclear if the school did this I have never and will never consent to my dc having tests. All this bullshit about going back to normal and learning to live with covid well, my normal is not having cotton buds shoved up my kids noses.
Sorry to have to say this but there comes a time when your child gets to choose not you. And that comes much sooner than you may be aware.

By 13y most children will be deemed competent enough to make their own decisions over medical issues. They don't need your consent and can override them, without asking you.

Whinge · 05/07/2021 20:48

Equally if it was truly his own decision to have one, then why on earth did the woman need to give him a lecture?

It's quite possible that there wasn't a lecture, and the son is just saying this as he knows his parent's feeling about the LFT, and doesn't feel comfortable saying that he disagrees with the OPs decision.

Wanttocry · 05/07/2021 20:49

YABU to not consent to it. However YANBU to be angry if your son feels he was pressured in to saying yes. However presumably this will be hard for you to tell, since he knows your feelings and therefore may tell you “oh yeah I was made to” when actually maybe he just said yes because everyone else was.