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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 05/07/2021 20:36

So he didn't consent to something he did to himself. Very concerning indeed.

ForeverSausages · 05/07/2021 20:37

I really wish you'd left voting on this OP. Your reasons for not giving parental permission are besides the point. They blatantly ignored it and for that YANBU. I'd be absolutely livid as a parent (and that's a parent of a 6 year old who has done LFT's every day this past week and a PCR test - school outbreak).

frumpety · 05/07/2021 20:37

I think whoever decided to ask for parents’ consent when it’s not needed, rather than simply asking the children consent has been very unreasonable

very much this !

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/07/2021 20:37

I can not believe the replies you are getting here OP. He didn't give consent willingly he was coerced and embarrassed into doing the test. It's no one else's business why you or he didn't want him to have the test. I would go mad at the school. If it had been a mix up, fair enough, but she basically shamed him into it.
Can you imagine the replies if this had been someone trying to force a woman to have a test they didn't want, it would be everyone telling you that was unacceptable and shouting about autonomy. Apparently when it comes to covid and children bodily autonomy goes right out the window.

ComDummings · 05/07/2021 20:37

It doesn’t matter why OP doesn’t want him tested at school. They didn’t have consent so he shouldn’t have been tested. That’s it.

Cheeserton · 05/07/2021 20:38

Reasons are totally relevant. During a pandemic that affects everyone.

And your reasons sound shit (not that you can be bothered to explain), and it sounds like absolutely nothing bad happened to him

YABU.

Allington · 05/07/2021 20:38

@VouisLuitton

YANBU If it was a mistake and they had overlooked the fact that you hadn’t given permission then that would be different. Why bother with consent forms if they are going to be disregarded 🤷🏻‍♀️
Because as children get older their wishes have more and more relevance? The ideal is child/teen agree, but at some point the child/teen's wishes outweigh the parent's
Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2021 20:38

No, LFT's aren't mandatory. I opted not to do them as I'm not class based. None of my none class based colleagues do them either

You and your DS don't consent to them but your DD does? It's all a bit confusing. I have to say if I worked in a school even not class based I'd be doing those LFTs for my own peace of mind if nothing else.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 05/07/2021 20:38

Your son should not have been pressured into doing the test when he had already said he didn't consent, and your written notification of such.

The writing is on the wall though as far as school bubbles and isolating, so think there will be more testing so those who are negative won't have to isolate.

Not sure what will happen to those who refuse to do a test?

me4real · 05/07/2021 20:39

I think a more reasonable thing to do would have been to say to your son "as the medical procedure would be carried out on your body, you can choose whether to consent or not. It isnt for me to decide"

It is for parents to decide this sort of thing though (not that I necesarily agree with OP's choice but that's by the by.) At 13 he is a child and not able to consent or not consent- if a child wanted a procedure against the parents' will, I think doctors etc for instance have to apply to a court or something.

Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2021 20:39

@MajesticWhine

YABU - and I don't need to give the reason why.
Grin Grin
IAmJustWondering · 05/07/2021 20:39

Approx 78% of covid cases are identified. For a rapid home test, a 22% rate of false negatives isn't that bad and certainly this means that approx 3 out of 4 cases are identified. They are definitely worth doing.

Coke testing positive is also definitely fake news. Google it.

Abraxan · 05/07/2021 20:39

It's still something being done against my consent. But because it involves covid, it just doesn't matter!

But as has been said many times, it isn't about YOUR consent.
At 13y it is HIS consent they need, not yours.

If you believe your child isn't Gillick competent due to learning needs, etc then this is a different matter and something you definitely need to take up at school.

RickiTarr · 05/07/2021 20:39

A lateral flow test?! Confused

Why would you withhold consent for that? On behalf of a thirteen year old, too.

Giveronyoursausage · 05/07/2021 20:39

I would go absolutely nuclear if the school did this I have never and will never consent to my dc having tests. All this bullshit about going back to normal and learning to live with covid well, my normal is not having cotton buds shoved up my kids noses.

PreacherTeacher · 05/07/2021 20:39

I'm in two minds really. One hand you did not consent therefore the school is wrong... But! It wasn't like it was a vaccine and a nurse injected him. He swabbed himself. Surely he could have just said "my mum said no" and not done it?

Allington · 05/07/2021 20:40

Child/teen and parent(s) agree

SmallPrawnEnergy · 05/07/2021 20:40

I’m confused as to why you’ve even posted to be honest, you’re very clear you don’t think you’re being unreasonable (and I don’t think you are with regards to the overall sentiment of the school overriding your consent) and you don’t care what others are saying so the post is pointless.

However I doubt very much he was pinned down and swabbed against HIS consent, and I doubt this “family conversation” was the sharing space you’ve painted. You’re very abrasive and clearly have an agenda which I suspect is forced onto your child, he probably is terrified to oppose you so agreed while he was part of this “conversation”. He probably agreed as he knows it is the responsible thing to do and cares about the health of his peers and teachers as anyone with half a brain should.

Whinge · 05/07/2021 20:41

Your son should not have been pressured into doing the test when he had already said he didn't consent

Did the son say he didn't consent? I haven't seen the OP confirm this. Just that he responded to the nurse with my mom said, I'm not to have one

jajabanks · 05/07/2021 20:41

YANBU
You haven't signed consent, it should not have be done.

Elys3 · 05/07/2021 20:41

“ I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. “

With my similar aged DD, we had a look at the test kit together and a conversation about the pros and cons of testing. We will do the same with vaccinations. It’s an ideal opportunity to help them weigh up evidence and get used to making decisions around their own treatment.

newusername2009 · 05/07/2021 20:42

People have gone covid crazy. It doesn’t matter what the reasons for refusing were - school asked for consent, didn’t get it and then overrode parental decision.

It’s pretty worrying behaviour from the school really.

Original poster
duckme · 05/07/2021 20:42

@PreacherTeacher

I'm in two minds really. One hand you did not consent therefore the school is wrong... But! It wasn't like it was a vaccine and a nurse injected him. He swabbed himself. Surely he could have just said "my mum said no" and not done it?
He did say my mom said no, but he was lectured about keeping family and friends safe. And then felt pressured into doing it.
OP posts:
RickiTarr · 05/07/2021 20:42

@duckme

We, as a family, did actually have a very in depth discussion about it. He wasn't 'controlled' - christ if you've seen some of my other posts, you'd know how absurd the notion of me controlling him actually is!

Yes, I am aware there is a global pandemic. Thanks though Hmm

I am a little concerned that people are so willing to blindly follow all the rules and restrictions forever and evermore and never question anything, that it's now considered ok for parental consent (whether you agree it should have been sought or not, it was) to be overridden, the verbal consent of a child to be overridden and a child to be coerced into consenting to a medical exam he didn't want.

If I had refused a flu vaccine of religious grounds and the school/school nurse decided it was for the greater good that my son receive it, would that me ok too?

There are times and places to make your point OP.

A flu vaccine is in no way comparable to a LFT.

Religious grounds are in no way comparable to unexplained cussedness.

Using your 13 YO as a battleground for some agenda of your own is really unreasonable.

Abraxan · 05/07/2021 20:42

Yes, we had a discussion as a family beforehand.

So why did you need to tell him, this morning, that he didn't have consent to get one done.
Surely, after the family discussion, where he was able to make a decision for himself, he was then able to go to school and make the decision for himself at the time school asked him?

If it was truly his own decision to not have one then why on earth does he need reminding of this?

He'd only need reminding if he didn't have a choice over it.