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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School conducted a LFT on my son, against my consent

999 replies

duckme · 05/07/2021 19:26

We received an email from our school to say that, due to the increase in covid cases, they are going to resume the LFT scheme in school (secondary) rather than at home. They sent an online consent form for parents to complete. I declined consent. I marked the form as such and sent it back electronically. My son was actually isolating until today as his bubble had burst, but I reminded him that he didn't have consent for the tests so he wasn't to have one. I know mistakes can happen and forms can be misplaced so I wanted to make sure he was fully aware of my consent.
He came home today and informed me that he had the test.
He said the whole class was called the the hall. The lady could see on the list that he hasn't got consent and asked him about it. He repeated what I had told him, 'my mom said, I'm not to have one'. The lady then proceeded to lecture him about protecting his family and friends. He is 13 and gave in to the person of authority in front of him. Despite them having explicit instructions to the contrary.
AIBU in being absolutely livid? That person ignored written consent, ignored the verbal consent of my son and then guilted him into having an invasive test.
I'll be contacting the school tomorrow to complain but I'd like to know if my covid fatigue is making me over react a little. But I can't imagine it being ok for a school to override parental consent in this way pre covid! Have we all surrendered all our our rights now? Even our parental ones?

OP posts:
Abraxan · 05/07/2021 20:24

At 13y, unless he has specific learning needs, he is old enough to make the decision for himself when it comes to this. It is up to him to consent or not, not you.

mathanxiety · 05/07/2021 20:25

YABVU to refuse consent, and really rather precious.

Standing on principle while there's a pandemic achieves exactly what for your son and his school?

Why are you proud of being 'hard work'? Are you on some sort of crusade here?

bridgetreilly · 05/07/2021 20:25

Honestly, I would give the school a break. You're right, they shouldn't have overridden your consent or persuaded your son to agree.

But you know what? Every single person who works in a school is at the end of their tether right now. Every one of them is exhausted and stressed and still constantly having to respond to ever-changing circumstances and expectations. And like the rest of us, they are seeing case numbers rising, schools having to send students into self-isolation, and fearing the effects of the new variants.

So sure, maybe she was more direct in her response to your son than she should have been, maybe she did persuade him to have a test he didn't want, but it's not invasive, there's no possibility of any harm, and she was doing her best.

Take a deep breath, write an email to the school, save it and decide tomorrow whether you really think there's anything to be gained by sending it, or whether you might as well just leave it this time.

Rosesareyellow · 05/07/2021 20:25

I think whoever decided to ask for parents’ consent when it’s not needed, rather than simply asking the children consent has been very unreasonable.

tedsletterofthelaw · 05/07/2021 20:25

YANBU OP.

I don't think you need to explain the reasons for lack of consent. I wouldn't consent to that either and the fact he was berated into it in front of his school friends is awful, and certainly NOT consent.

The whole thing is so draconian.

KaptainKaveman · 05/07/2021 20:25

YANBU for being angry that your wishes were overridden.
YABVVU, however, for refusing consent in the first place. IMO parents who display selfishness like this should be forced to home educate.

Stevearnottsbeard · 05/07/2021 20:26

Sorry if I've missed it but why wouldn't you consent to it, I know its not pleasant but considering it's for everyone's safety and health surely it's worth the few moments of disconfort

Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2021 20:26

YABU. Mainly for supplying insufficient information for me to decide either way. The reason you don't consent has a huge bearing on this.

CruellaDaVille · 05/07/2021 20:26

YANBU
Pressurizing and guilt tripping a 13 year old into agreeing to an LFT is not obtaining informed consent.
LFT's are not mandatory and this should not have happened.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/07/2021 20:27

Personally, I think you’re completely wrong to decline consent.

You did though. They ignored you and that’s way out of line. You’re right to complain.

Iggi999 · 05/07/2021 20:27

@ineedaholidaynow

He's old enough to override your consent. How does he feel about having the test?
This. He obviously agreed to do it.
User5827372728 · 05/07/2021 20:27

They asked for your consent; you denied; they should follow that.

I can see how a 13 year old would have been pressurised by a person of authority to do something they don’t want to.

I wouldn’t go all guns blazing but I would raise it with their tutor in the first instance and ask them to investigate what happened.

Sparklingbrook · 05/07/2021 20:27

@Stevearnottsbeard

Sorry if I've missed it but why wouldn't you consent to it, I know its not pleasant but considering it's for everyone's safety and health surely it's worth the few moments of disconfort
OP is not letting on the reason for not consenting.
Cloverleaf20 · 05/07/2021 20:28

I understand your frustration but unfortunately feel YABU.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 05/07/2021 20:28

Nobody likes doing LFTs. At least none of my pals who are still testing twice a week do. But we suck it up. (Not literally. That is not the way to do one at all). We suck it up to do our bit.

Allington · 05/07/2021 20:28

At 13 your DS is beginning to separate from you, and is increasingly able/expected to make his own decisions. An LFT is quite a small step towards independence. Chat with him about his decision, but accept that he may be happy to have the test despite your beliefs

mathanxiety · 05/07/2021 20:28

And your family had an in depth discussion, so he presumably wasn't uninformed, but chose to have the test anyway. At 13 this is his right. He would also have the right to refuse it even if you had signed your consent.

espressoontap · 05/07/2021 20:28

@duckme you still haven't answered my question. If he wanted to do the test and voiced this during your 'discussion', would you have respected that?

DonGray · 05/07/2021 20:28

YANBU - I had a similar experience
Email from school said they would only test the kids they had consent forms for... they still tested my child
I complained... no reply

TheOrigRights · 05/07/2021 20:28

Haven't RTFT but I'm with you OP.

As his parent you did not give consent. That's all that matters.

People can argue the rights and wrongs of that decision until the sun burns out (and indeed I see they are), but your son should never have been put in that position (again, regardless of what his own opinion on the matter is).
He should not have been questioned, lectured or coerced.

If you do raise it with the school then stick only to the issue of consent and not about the LFT.

KaptainKaveman · 05/07/2021 20:29

oh god I am definitely hard work!

Yep.

lastcall · 05/07/2021 20:30

@BluebellsGreenbells

Why are you happy for all his classmates to check their status to protect your child, but won’t let your child protect his classmates?

Bit selfish.

This.

It's not an invasive test and simple enough for children to do themselves. And he's old enough to decide he wants to, frankly.

YABU

Abraxan · 05/07/2021 20:30

Trouble you have now is that you won't really know if he was coerced or not. You've clearly got very strong views on refusing LFTs. So even if he went against your consent and chose to have it himself he is quite unlikely to admit that to you now.

The chances of a teacher bullying him into is probably lower than the chances of him deciding to have it done like his friends in my experience.

maddening · 05/07/2021 20:31

What is you issue with a test though? It is no way similar to giving a vaccine or medication as it does not actually do anything to your son's body.

SupermanInk · 05/07/2021 20:31

The question is, should anyone lecture another person to do something until they give in. I think not.