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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PIL childcare, driving me mad!

130 replies

Chiwi · 05/07/2021 15:26

My PIL, predominantly FIL, provide ad-hoc childcare for my 18 month old. We work shifts so it usually works out 1 X half day per week. We planned to use formal childcare but cancelled her name from the waitlist at PIL insistence. It saved us money and I like the idea of DD having a lovely relationship with her grandparents.

I work part time so most of the time she is with me. I do bathtime, bedtime, most mealtimes, I am her constant. That's not to say her dad is useless, he is brilliant but works a lot and sometimes away, but regardless she adores him and he does lots for her when he is here.

She has been going to PIL for 6 months now. Initial reluctance but now she loves it there, constant attention and fun, no demands placed on her and she can have whatever she likes. Doesn't bother me, that's what grandparents are for and it's not often.

So my issue is; she has started throwing the tiniest strop when I arrive to collect her. They make a huge deal mock carrying her away saying 'you stay here with grandad', they've started it now before she even strops and almost wind her up into it. It's really starting to piss me off. They've also started now saying 'oh you're always excited to see daddy'. Obviously rationally I can think daddy and grandparents are exciting because she sees them less and they don't do the boring things with her as much. But it hurts a little.

Last night DPs mum text him and said 'we are a bit worried DGD doesn't seem to have bonded that well with chiwi'. I am so upset. We have a wonderful bond, she is affectionate, she trusts me, when she hurts herself or is poorly it is me she wants.

I want to change my work pattern to have my 2 days as set days and put her into nursery those days. I'm fed up of this from his parents. But I'm worried I'm cutting my nose of to spite my face?
AIBU to do that, should I suck it up?

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 06/07/2021 06:28

No no no. My PIL do all this drama and when I saw what was happening I put toddler DD in nursery for 2 days pw. It has been fantastic for her. They were absolutely getting off on her apparently 'favouring them' and how she doesn't want to go home. Totally inappropriate. Adults who do this are not safe adults to have that level of contact with your DD. I realised that I needed to prioritise DDs emotional wellbeing over the financial savings and outside view of 'family help'. PIL were bloody hardwork and I just don't have that at nursery. Yes it's expensive but before you know it the free hours kick in and help massively.

Lemonmelonsun · 06/07/2021 16:26

Weird that grown adults feel competitive in this way.. I always felt this un said pressure that pils thought we were inept and dc wouid be better off with the them!!

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/07/2021 16:35

It is weird to think babies prefer anyone to their parents.

Blossomtoes · 06/07/2021 16:55

@Fluffycloudland77

It is weird to think babies prefer anyone to their parents.
My boy would take my mum over me any time. I didn’t really blame him, she was much, much nicer than me.
INeedNewShoes · 06/07/2021 16:55

It is really really common for little children to do this when their DM arrives to collect them. Please don't believe it's a reflection on your attachment for one second (or actually it is a reflection - of a GOOD attachment!).

I'd end the childcare arrangement. Parenting is hard enough without feeling like people haven't got your back and nursery/childminder is hugely beneficial for the opportunity to play with other children and build social skills.

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